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I don't want to appear desperate but.....

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I want someone to laugh with, work out with, who "gets" my whole WLS excitment..

I guess I am wanting companionship. But from whom? Right. We don't want any stray cat, right?

A guy who is nice, obviously, who laughs and will make me laugh, someone who works, and who understands that I don't. Someone who is a christian and who will handle that I am a widow

I am excited to date again. It's been 3 years and I am 39 years old. I still have a lot of life left. I don't want someone with all the right lines and I don't have to really be won over.

I like romance and chivarly is nice but I'm more impressed with honesty and transparency

I'm honest, have been described as habitually honesty, which I take pride in

But I'm very imperfect and I'm not high maintence. I just want someone to get excited with, about the little things, a thunderstorm, weight loss dropping pounds.

Someone too serious, a complete turnoff

I ant someone free to be themselves. No put ons

Is that too much to ask?


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The only way I've found to meet people is to -- well -- get out and meet people. There are lots of ways to meet people -- it takes a bit of trial and error to find which ones work for you. For example; I'm not religious so meeting people at church functions wouldn't work for me but it may work for you. Best of luck.

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Ok, so I get your loneliness. ((hugs)) So sorry to hear about your loss. :( But just an observation and (critical thinking as it applies to me)...sometimes to obfuscate my reality, I tear off on tangents. And what happens is that my tangents become time/energy sinks. They suck out all the focus and energy I should be applying to processing and dealing with my present reality. You know?

So what I think is happening now is GINORMOUS for you. You are literally building the chrysalis for a rebirth/transformation. And you've NO idea what you will be like, what your needs will be, and who you are--because this process is truly transformative. In all areas: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Why not for now, suck it up on the loneliness scene. (Not meaning to be unfeeling--this is how I reason things out for me personally too...) And the big payout is that by deferring this need for love/friendship/companionship--you can work your ass off to develop a new you. Join groups, go do group activities and be your sweet self. And improve. Your main focus is on maximizing your golden shot at rebirth. Right? Then...when the dust settles, THEN you can decide who you are, and more importantly--who you want. Your options sadly, WILL be broader. You are beautiful now. But you will have a much broader beauty-appeal in the future.

Does this sound heartless? I don't mean to be a tool. I'm just saying, concentrate on working your plan and on loving yourself then you will become invincible and unsinkable and such a strong warrior spirit!!

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I appreciate your wisdom


I already love myself. like a lot

and I've been living my "new normal" for over three years now

I hear what you're saying though

My focus is on my body and this new venture. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone wanting to have a person to share it with. Maybe your'e right. I'll think on it..

Are you married, do you have a boyfriend?

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For 18 years. Yes.

Your new normal that I'm referring to is the march toward WLS. It began in the 6 month to a year when you started your pre-surgery requirements and really had to face redefining your relationship with food and obesity. That's what I'm talking about.

And, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with wanting a partner-in-crime in this process. I'm just saying that what you want now, may be vastly different once you are done. Am I wrong in thinking that you only just had surgery 12.11.17? That's only 6-8 weeks ago. It's hard enough sustaining a long-term relationship through the turbulent waters of WL. I'd imagine it would be infinitely more difficult to do it in a new relationship?

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Hey girlie, I'm sorry for being a ginormous tool. In the end, the only opinion that counts is your own. You DO know best where you are in this continuum. You know? And loneliness and loss SUCK the big one!

I guess I just answered from my own personal experience before Mr. F. came into my life. And like in AA and similar programs, the kinda forbid you to make major life changing decisions or get into a relationship while you are walking your steps--because of transference. And knowing how I will escape processing tough things by "getting busy" with other things...well, your post was a perfect storm just waiting for me to pontificate.

Of course, I am also in Day 4 of the liquid diet so there is a good deal of the bat **** crazies going down round these parts. Not to mention a big serving of Hanger. LOL. :lol:



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The only way I've found to meet people is to -- well -- get out and meet people. There are lots of ways to meet people -- it takes a bit of trial and error to find which ones work for you. For example; I'm not religious so meeting people at church functions wouldn't work for me but it may work for you. Best of luck.

You have the right idea! I just decided to do something I enjoy like doing karaoke. I don’t drink really never have much so is all about talking to people and having fun singing lol. I am not trying to meet anyone per say so having fun talking does not bring pressure.

Lapband 9/11/07 227 pounds
Vsg 2/13/18
Pre op diet 188
Sd. 180
Cw 169 167 per Dr. scale
First goal 169 2/26/18
Second 150
Goal weight 138

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