Who did you tell? Choosing your support carefully...

[Apple203 1,314]

Told my husband and adult kids, my brother, a SIL, and good work friend. They are all supportive in general, but they think I can lose weight without the surgery. I can't, or I'd be much thinner. I told my mother, and I don't think she's on board, but she is thankfully in FL for the winter and we don't talk about it. I haven't decided whether to tell my boss so I can use sick leave, go with the tried and true hiatal hernia repair excuse, or that I'm simply taking a vacation.

[Brad77777 3]

I've just told my wife, and my 2 bff's. Going to tell my employer that I need a couple of weeks off for Hiatal hernia surgery ,,, just don't want to have to deal with all the questions my employer will ask if I tell the absolute truth. My daughter lives across country so I've decided not to tell her,,, but not for the reasons you might suspect. I know that she would be supportive but would worry because she does not live here. Actually,, I want to surprise her. While I am doing this for me,,, my daughter, her children and husband are a great motivating factors in my decision to have WLS. As for everyone else,,, maybe I will tell them at some point,,, but for me right now,, it's no ones business except for my immediate support group.

[blizair09 3,250]

I told anyone and everyone from the first moment of my journey (the six month pre-op diet program). I have never had one person that has said one negative thing. And frankly, I wouldn't care if anyone did at this point. I have lost 225 pounds, weigh less than 175 pounds at 6'0" and look absolutely fabulous. There is no rational argument as to why this is not medically the very best thing that I have ever done for myself.

I will say that if your significant other has concerns that are not health related (e.g., I like you at a certain size or with "meat on your bones," etc.), be wary. As much as I didn't want to be stereotypical, my ex and I broke up after 8.5 years in July. We had a lot of issues the last year or two, but me getting smaller than him (and he lost a lot of weight himself -- non-surgically) was a BIG deal to him. Some people are like that, and it is better to at least think about that ahead of time than to let it hit you like a ton of bricks when so many other things in your life are changing.

[Kimbero 167]

So far, just my hubby. And my boss. I dont want anyone to worry. But i know they will all be supportive.

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[Down South Aussie 65]

2 hours ago, blizair09 said:

I will say that if your significant other has concerns that are not health related (e.g., I like you at a certain size or with "meat on your bones," etc.), be wary. As much as I didn't want to be stereotypical, my ex and I broke up after 8.5 years in July. We had a lot of issues the last year or two, but me getting smaller than him (and he lost a lot of weight himself -- non-surgically) was a BIG deal to him. Some people are like that, and it is better to at least think about that ahead of time than to let it hit you like a ton of bricks when so many other things in your life are changing.

This is really an important point and something my wife and i have discussed at length as im going through the pre-op phase. I actually just came back from my weekly meeting and today's topic was the support you need during this process. One point she made is that the dynamics of a close bond may change, someone may have liked the way the family dynamic was and this journey will not only impact you for the weight loss but also impact those directly around you as you learn to interact with those people and your environment differently. Talk about it and maintain open communication is often the best way to stem this off.

[martha :) 7]

I've been lurking on this forum for a little while now. I finally made an account because I had to say thank you for posting this question. I had my initial consult yesterday and found out I qualified for surgery. So now begins the 6 mos. diet tracking, which would put me probably in late August for surgery if all goes well.

I am a very open person, but I find myself not wanting to tell anyone. i'm so filled with shame- that I've let my body get out of control, that I lost 50 lbs 6 years ago and why can't I just do it again, my BMI is "only" 38 so i'm just squeaking in on comorbidities, i'm "cheating" and "taking the easy way". but i'm so desperate for change. I've gained 70 lbs in 4 years, despite *knowing* what to do, and what to eat, joining a great gym and working out. I don't want to wait til i'm 50, 65 and diabetic like other family members did. I dread telling someone and facing their questions, scorn and disdain when I myself feel the same, so I don't know how to defend my choice beyond "I couldn't do it, I need help."

the decision as it stands now, not to really tell much or anyone, bothers me in itself. I have had mental health issues and am not private about my journey, as I think it's important to lessen the stigma and show people that they aren't alone. but being fat doesn't seem as "worthy" of a cause to me. it feels like a personal failure, not something that I didn't have control over like mental imbalances.

anyway.. thank you all for this post, and thank you for listening. <3

[FluffyChix 17,410]

On 1/23/2018 at 8:39 AM, blizair09 said:

I told anyone and everyone from the first moment of my journey (the six month pre-op diet program). I have never had one person that has said one negative thing. And frankly, I wouldn't care if anyone did at this point. I have lost 225 pounds, weigh less than 175 pounds at 6'0" and look absolutely fabulous. There is no rational argument as to why this is not medically the very best thing that I have ever done for myself.

I will say that if your significant other has concerns that are not health related (e.g., I like you at a certain size or with "meat on your bones," etc.), be wary. As much as I didn't want to be stereotypical, my ex and I broke up after 8.5 years in July. We had a lot of issues the last year or two, but me getting smaller than him (and he lost a lot of weight himself -- non-surgically) was a BIG deal to him. Some people are like that, and it is better to at least think about that ahead of time than to let it hit you like a ton of bricks when so many other things in your life are changing.

I you. I absolutely do. Especially the part in bold! me=notworthy