Split decision - My mother in law had vsg 12/14/17 and passed away 12/21/17. I don’t know if I should cancel my own surgery!

[kjallen 15]

I have been so excited throughout this journey and finally received my surgery date, 1/24. My mother in law and I have been through the process together. My mother in law had vsg 12/14/17 and passed away 12/21/17. I don’t know if I should cancel my surgery. My husband is no longer supporting me after this terrible incident. Any advice or encouraging words are appreciated.

[Creekimp13 5,841]

First off, so sorry for the loss of your mother in law, that has to be very painful. It's understandable that your husband is scared since the news is still so new.

I think what will help both of you is understanding your mother in law's cause of death. What happened? Was her health in jeopardy before the surgery? Was her weight responsible for comorbidities that caused complications? Or was it a freak issue like a blood clot?

I wouldn't argue with your husbands wishes right now...I'd simply ask to table the conversation for a couple of weeks when maybe you'll have more answers about what happened and have some emotional distance and perspective.

Right now, the best thing to do is to concentrate on helping him with his grief and paying tribute to his mom.

Later, in a few weeks.....have a talk about the risks vs benefits. Talk about how you and your MIL differ Healthwise. Talk about tests you can do and preventative measures you can take to ensure the same issues don't occur.

Again, so sorry about your loss. My advice. Don't cancel yet. And don't make a decision yet. Just take some time and help your husband. Particularly given this happening at the holidays, that's enough to deal with for now.

Wishing you both healing.

[kjallen 15]

First off, so sorry for the loss of your mother in law, that has to be very painful. It's understandable that your husband is scared since the news is still so new.
I think what will help both of you is understanding your mother in law's cause of death. What happened? Was her health in jeopardy before the surgery? Was her weight responsible for comorbidities that caused complications? Or was it a freak issue like a blood clot?
I wouldn't argue with your husbands wishes right now...I'd simply ask to table the conversation for a couple of weeks when maybe you'll have more answers about what happened and have some emotional distance and perspective.
Right now, the best thing to do is to concentrate on helping him with his grief and paying tribute to his mom.
Later, in a few weeks.....have a talk about the risks vs benefits. Talk about how you and your MIL differ Healthwise. Talk about tests you can do and preventative measures you can take to ensure the same issues don't occur.
Again, so sorry about your loss. My advice. Don't cancel yet. And don't make a decision yet. Just take some time and help your husband. Particularly given this happening at the holidays, that's enough to deal with for now.
Wishing you both healing.

Thanks so much, maybe you are right. I will table it for now. She did have more comorbidities. She died from a blood clot. I appreciate the encouraging words.

[Losingit2018 1,170]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Creekimp gave you excellent advice. I am not able to add anything to that but, I did want to express condolences. How sad this must be for you and your husband both.

[kjallen 15]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Creekimp gave you excellent advice. I am not able to add anything to that but, I did want to express condolences. How sad this must be for you and your husband both.

Thank you so much

[Losebig 508]

Sorry for your loss. Pretty scary for both of you I imagine. I'd keep the date for now, but get through the mourning period (at least the start of it) and once things calm down try to have a real and honest conversation about it. Understanding what happened, as much as you can about why that happened and then looking at that VS your situation may help - but only after the initial emotions settle down. You can always cancel or bump out the date as it gets closer if needed. If it's the same surgeon perhaps another one or other mitigating measures can help him get comfortable.

[Miss Topaz 300]

Deepest sympathies. I can totally understand why this is a very stressful time to think about surgery. I agree with the others - table the discussion and get through the holidays. Then have a really good conversation about it, possibly with your surgeon, to discuss differences and risks. Prayers for you and your family during this time.

[EagerPenguin 159]

Wow that's really scary, it would be enough to make me reconsider surgery, too! So sorry for your very sudden loss.

I think your husband is going through the natural grieving process. Maybe he's thinking that he doesn't want to lose you, too, which is why he is no longer supportive. That could change, though, as perhaps he will realize that he could lose you sooner or later to the comorbidities of obesity. You've worked so hard to get to this point, I would not cancel your surgery yet. You may just need to reschedule as your family heals from the loss of your MIL. I would leave the surgery on the schedule for now, but do let your surgeon know ahead of time if you're going to cancel or reschedule.

[jesslynn32288 7]

I have a blood clot disorder and this really concerns me and its the number one reason my boyfriend does not want me to have the surgery. sorry but i have a couple questions was she already home not walking as much did she have compression stockings was she on blood thinners before and after procedure. So sorry for your loss.

[kjallen 15]

I have a blood clot disorder and this really concerns me and its the number one reason my boyfriend does not want me to have the surgery. sorry but i have a couple questions was she already home not walking as much did she have compression stockings was she on blood thinners before and after procedure. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you! Yes, she was at home and walking daily. She was on blood thinners. I pray everything goes well with your surgery. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss my concerns.

[Losingit2018 1,170]

2 hours ago, kjallen said:

Thank you! Yes, she was at home and walking daily. She was on blood thinners. I pray everything goes well with your surgery. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss my concerns.

Thank you for the info. I wondered the same things as most Drs give heparin injections while still in the hospital.

This is sad for you and a bit unnerving for the rest of us that have not yet had surgery.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Wow! Huge hugs and prayers for you and your husband/family! So sad for your loss. I think you deal with the most pressing issues at hand. Everything else will fall into place behind them. ((hugs))

[kakatlady612 1,053]

Kjallen firstly so sorry for your loss. I can understand your hubbys fears but when everything settles down I hope you consider going to forward with your own surgery. Your MIL would not want you to sacrifice your own plans for a better future health. I am a MIL myself and I know she,loved you and your plans for the future. In the meantime show a,lot of love to,hubby and I'll pray he comes around too.

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[kandywolf 161]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is probably very hard, considering you both were on the same path. I can not imagine your grief and heartache for you and your husband.
I agree with the others. Table it for now. The next month or so is going to be rough, but I think it is a great idea to go into see the surgeon to get answers. Do some research when you have time, to make sure you take care of yourself correctly after surgery. Again I am so very sorry for you and your husbands loss. You are both in my prayers. Good luck!


SW 350 (11/15)
BSW 260 (10/17/17)
CW 228 (12/29/17)
RGW 199
GW 175

[angyplus5 470]

I am truly sorry for your loss.

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