Relationship changes

[Krista27 340]

So how did your relationship change after WLS? I hear so many horror stories. I do worry that my significant other and I will drift because of this new life style and me wanting to be more active and other things that seem to change after wls.

[Berry78 4,259]

I'm only 7 months postop, but my relationship has gotten slightly better. We didn't have a bad relationship before, just very stuck in a rut... a lot of apathy. It's not all rainbows, but things are shifting a bit in the right direction.

A lot of people get the surgery when they already are in a bad relationship. ("It'll be better if only I were thin").. those are the ones that tend to fall apart first. Because even though we're smaller, we're still the same people.

Solid, good, relationships tend to stay that way, from how it seems.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

8 hours ago, Krista27 said:

So how did your relationship change after WLS?

No, horror story here ... in fact, it's very much a polar opposite.

I have been in the 135kg to 176kg range the last ten years. (i.e. about 297 to 388 pounds)

My wife has been in the 91kg to 126kg range in the same period. (i.e. about 201 to 278 pounds)

After my son died in March this year (industrial accident on a construction site), I crept up to 176kg again (by July) and she was about 125kg (by late March).

She'd already arranged a gastric balloon to try to help lose weight. After her initial success of losing about 16kg in 17 weeks, I decided to ask my doctor to refer me for a gastric sleeve. (I felt I needed to be lighter and fitter to honour my son's memory and to be around to assist with the raising of the toddler and the baby he left behind.)

She's now at 90kg as of November 1 and has just had a brand new 2nd gastric ballon inserted. I am already in the lower half of the 150s and today the first time in eight months that my BMI has been under 50.

We're good friends first. We married December 2007 ... as we'd become separated (then divorced) from our FIRST spouses. In high school (1972-1973) my wife was the best friend of the sister my then girlfriend. She told me in 2007 when we reunited for a few social events that she had always liked me at school and wished I'd paid more attention to her when she was shy and timid.

After her 50th birthday party (her 99kg, me 128kg) I asked if we should move in together. She took it as a marriage proposal. We just celebrated her 60th and my 61st birthdays.

We are sort of "rocks" for one another and we are both sorting out our health and fitness separately, IN DIFFERENT WAYS, but together in spirit.

So, in answer, no change in the love and respect departments ... but we are becoming better people for ourselves first and one another and for all our combined 11 grandchildren. Our two exes are now very respectful people and we are all involved together in supporting one another and the children and grandchildren.

Life's too short to be upsetting others and causing rifts, eh?

Edited November 3, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[Berry78 4,259]

Rainbow, what a sad and yet, uplifting, tale. My condolences for your loss. Helping family is a wonderful reason to take control of your health!

[DropWt4Life 957]

Relationships change after weight loss surgery. Some for the better, and some for the worst. If you are in a strong relationship where you both support each other, you should be fine. If your relationship is slightly or very dysfunctional, well, you might not be.

There are many significant others that don't want to change their lifestyles. They will resist eating healthier or exercising more. They might even try to sabotage you, because they liked things the way that they were before. Maybe they like you bigger, or they don't want to realize that they, too need to eat better and move more regardless of their size.

This can build resentment on your part. That doesn't mean that your relationship will fail though. You just need to work through it with your partner, and even attend couples therapy if that is needed. The takeaway is that you need to do what you can for your health, and your partner must change some things as well so that you can be successful.

That doesn't mean that this journey has to be all about you. Include your significant other and kids in this journey. If you cook, then great...Cook meals that they enjoy as well, but make them healthier. Do fun activities if they don't like to exercise. Bowling is great exercise. So is biking as a family. Plan trips to hiking trails or get them to do 5Ks (walking) for Breast Cancer or Heart disease. Do picnics in the park, and after eating, walk around and see how many different leaves you can find. Sounds corny, but these are just examples. The more you include your family, the more they will buy into this new lifestyle.

Good luck to you, and focus on the positive. You never know how things are going to turn out, and your significant other just might surprise you.

[FluffyChix 17,409]

@Rainbow_Warrior Gosh so sad for your (and your family's) loss. ((hugs)) Getting healthy to be there for his children--wow. No. Words.

I'm still pre-surgery, but Mr. Fluffy has been with me through thick and thin. We've been trying/wanting to get healthy for so long--making baby steps along the path, experiencing set-backs and detours/stalls in forward momentum. Lucky for him, I do most of the cooking and my rule is: everyone eats what mama eats (and is thankful for it). LOL. So you know. There's that. I started walking laps in the house and now he's joined me.

We've seen his A1c go down as well as his weight. The doc thinks that in another 20lbs, he may be able to reduce his diabetes meds. So we're pushing for that! He really wants to get to a healthy weight and has a goal of 175. He has another 50lbs to go and has already lost about 55lbs.

In our case, we take an active position to grow together and to be interested and inclusive/respectful of the other person's journey. We both want each other to be healthy and to feel better, so that life isn't so hard. I think if you have the right mind set, then that is 80% of the battle. But, I think you have to genuinely like your partner and there must be respect and trust. I don't think that's unique for WLS. I think that's necessary in any relationship. I think this journey has actually made us stronger.