Relationship changes

[Shereseed 24]

Hi all! I'm am getting sleeves on 7/12/17. I am wondering how your weight loss journey has impacted your relationship with your significant other... good, bad, ugly.

I have heard a lot about how differently the world will treat me, but I'm interested in what I should prepare for at home.

Thanks!

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

It had no impact on my life. I coached my wife up very well on what to expect and made sure she was fully into it before I went under the knife. She has been awesome about it and has never once complained about the changes that had to be made post-op. In the rare event that she wants to eat something that I can't/won't she goes out and eats it without me, which I am totally fine with. We have never had a single argument over the surgery.

Edited June 26, 2017 by Navigating the Wilderness

[Joann454 1,329]

My relationship was fantastic before surgery and is still fantastic. Wife went to all appointments with me and started a diet when I started my preop diet. She's lost as much weight as I have and if anything we're even happier.
Maybe it depends on what your relationship was like before surgery but it's had no negative impact on our relationship.

[KittyV 27]

My husband had a previous girlfriend who was sleeve and a year later cheated on him, got pregnant, and never paid him back since she was cash paying. So when I was thinking about having the surgery, I told him I would not do anything without his blessing. He went with me to the orientation, which was not required with his ex since it was cash. This sealed the deal with. Him. Hearing that only 3% of morbidly obese people can loose the weight on their own and keep it off for the rest of their lives, with the fact that my grandmother was diagnosed with estrogen based breast cancer(fat fed), My father died at the age of 37 from liver cancer, and lastly let's not forget, 75% of family on both my mother and father's side are at some for obesity. Genetics was not on my side.

I am now 6 months out from being sleeved, and the best complement he has given me was that everything he experienced with his ex was totally different with me. In a positive way. I am at 93 lbs weight loss, and he normally ends up finishing what little I have left when we cook at home. If we eat out, we see if we can either split a meal or I get my own and have left overs for lunch and dinner the next day. If he wants his KFC, then u just make something small for me, that I know he really doesn't care for. So far so good, but communication is key!!

Kitty

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

My wife went to many of my appointments and we talk about everything so there was no surprises. Subsequently, no changes in the relationship either. Doing just fine. She did change up her diet to her own modified version of what my diet is.. and she's doing a lot better than me at tracking/weighing -- she suffers from PCOS and I think had a BMI of 35'ish. I bugged the crap out of her to ditch the regular Coke, and while she stopped that, she's had occasional Coke Zero's since, not regular soda.

We communicate more about food, are a lot more careful and observant of nutrition details of wherever we eat, and are very restrictive on our daughter having junk food. Daughter's weight has never been an issue, but we want to keep it that way.

Edited June 26, 2017 by PatientEleventyBillion

[Shereseed 24]

I'm so happy to hear these positive stories!

My boyfriend is average weight. I am doing my surgery in Mexico, because I am self-pay, so he won't be with me. I am trying to keep him informed and educated, but he doesn't really understand the struggles. Just today he ordered pizza, forgetting that I started my preop diet.
Anyone else face this type of situation?

[KittyV 27]

I'm so happy to hear these positive stories!

My boyfriend is average weight. I am doing my surgery in Mexico, because I am self-pay, so he won't be with me. I am trying to keep him informed and educated, but he doesn't really understand the struggles. Just today he ordered pizza, forgetting that I started my preop diet.
Anyone else face this type of situation?

Try to nicely stress the importance of his support. I have had to "remind " my husband about this. The hardest thing for me is him drinking beer. Or wanting to go out for a beer. It is really tough at first. As long as uou can keep your will power strong you can do it. If I am really hankering for a beer, I'll take sip maybe two of my husband and that is it. Baby steps.

Kitty

[Apple1 2,572]

My husband has been very supportive. He went with me to Mexico and has been eating mostly whatever I cook for him. I do all the shopping and no junk food ever enters our house.

Our relatinship is as great as it has always been.

[MassMel 7]

My husband has no weight issues, but I have been heavy for all of my teen and adult life. My husband is supportive, but he eats anything he wants. I am only 1 week post-op and go in today to have my staples removed. My husband has had sandwiches, pizza, cheeseburgers in front of my since the surgery. I don't have the same appetite as I did before (and I was a bottomless pit), so it doesn't bother me much. The smell of food is fantastic, but that doesn't mean I want to eat it all. I have decided that although my husband supports me; I need to support me! This is my journey and it is up to me to be successful! The 'bad' food isn't going away - we have to learn to make smarter choices!!

The pre-op diet was the hardest because I still had to ability to eat whatever I wanted but was told not to! I've tried not to limit my husband when he doesn't have the need to be on a diet. I lost 12 lbs on my pre-op diet and it really does help the healing afterwards! Best of luck!!

Im so happy to have others to share with in these forums! 😊

Edited June 27, 2017 by MassMel

[Berry78 4,261]

I'm 3 months post op. We've been married 16 years. My husband is heavy.

My diet is my diet. I cook for me separately from what I cook for him and the kids.

I would love for my hubby to jump on the health train, but it's like running into a brick wall. There is no changing him. He drinks soda, eats ice cream, etc etc.

My delimma is whether to stay with him when (not if!) he has strokes and diabetes. We live with his father who has both. His older brother has had both too.

How am I supposed to feel about someone that is headed down a dangerous path, and refuses to change course? (And it will be me who has to pick up the pieces)...

[Apple1 2,572]

51 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

My delimma is whether to stay with him when (not if!) he has strokes and diabetes. We live with his father who has both. His older brother has had both too.

I feel for you. My mom had both also and a major stroke took her life last year. This was my wake up call. I pray your husband will come to his senses and decide to make some healthy changes.

[starfishwish 129]

We've been married for 21 years, and my husband has always been of average weight. He prefers salad and healthy foods, but also enjoys eating out and indulging on occasion, which I think is normal. We have 3 children, 14, 12, and 5, so the meals I prepare myself are different than what I prepare for them. I am 3.5 weeks post op, so I'm still on purées. I've lost 19.5 pounds! My husband was and has been super supportive of the surgery, and came with me to almost every appointment. I want us to live a long and healthy life together, and I feel like my weight loss will help us with that

[FamilyGuyNJ 123]

My wife has been supportive since the beginning. She attended my Dr. & Nutritionist appointments so she could learn and ask questions about the procedure and my new lifestyle. She cooks all of my meals and weighs my food. She cut back on her diet as well. As I lost 125 lbs, she lost 55 without surgery. She goes to costco and picks up my Premier shakes. She goes shopping and buys me new clothes that she'd like to see me where. She comes with me to Planet fitness. She now calls me her "skinny husband". Of course, the sex has been pretty great too.

I read so much pre-surgery about the divorce rate being so high for bariatric patients, I'm a bit surprised how my marriage has only improved.

[melty29 33]

We've been married for 21 years, and my husband has always been of average weight. He prefers salad and healthy foods, but also enjoys eating out and indulging on occasion, which I think is normal. We have 3 children, 14, 12, and 5, so the meals I prepare myself are different than what I prepare for them. I am 3.5 weeks post op, so I'm still on purées. I've lost 19.5 pounds! My husband was and has been super supportive of the surgery, and came with me to almost every appointment. I want us to live a long and healthy life together, and I feel like my weight loss will help us with that [emoji4]

How do you like the puréed phase? I start mine next week. I am really looking forward to leaving the liquid phase but the thought of puréed meat doesn't sound appealing.
Mel

[Sullie06 1,047]

My husband has been outstanding through the whole process. The surgical part of it was no issue for him as he's a surgical tech so he's seen the surgery done before. I actually calmed me down regarding the surgical process.

As for diets and meals, he's been eating healthier and has lost 60 pounds on his own. He's really good at keeping me in line and being a shoulder when I need one. We have two small children so we're trying to teach them healthy eating habits now so they don't have the weight issues we did.