Guy...54...low BMI and already active to start...unusual experiences

[TheBearguy8 58]

I am Bearguy. In the gay community, bears generally need to stick with specific types of crowds, clubs, social apps etc. A majority of the male gay community is not only looks and body obsessed, they tend to look past chubby and fat guys as anything other than fun fat friends. I use the expression "gay fat" from Will and Grace because the perception is true, and the non gay community, and my fitness instructor community, to them Im just a big guy.

Through diet, spinning,and Zumba, I went from 280 to 228, then slowly crept back to 250 before my search for hernia mesh repair in my belly led me down the "sleeve" rabbit hole. I had no time for the torturous process insurance had to pay for surgery....I was 1 step from committing to an extortion level medical loan program....then I discovered the Mexico option...and had a 100% A+ experience I am willing to message about with anyone who needs information. I did trace two incidents ranted about on this forum to questionable sourcing, and that is related to what I do for a living.

I am not typical, I think. I was a dancer nearly all my life, had quite a bit of potential for disciplined behavior, and lost over 30 pounds through giving up most sugar, corn Syrup products, junk, all soda except home made seltzer and nearly all bread. I was petrified as it snuck back on from the stress of work. A male friend said they thought I was more ready for this than most because of the previous lifestyle. Every person who saw me was aghast...big negative reactions to me decision....."you aren't big enough", " you're just a big handsome bear type guy", but those people all consistently guess my weight at 10-20 pounds under reality. No one gets it right. My legs, calves, and butt are very muscular from cycling and dancing a lot. A lot. However, I have a nearly 50 inch sternum and belly measurement,, and only wear 42 pants because they sit underneath a belly that literally looks like a pregnancy on a man.

Surgery was a rough 24 hours, and allergies gave me a horrible reaction in my eyes from the gas anesthesia , I was pretty much only seeing blurs for 18 hours until a cold compress relieved the intense pain. Make sure the seal on your gas mask is super tight so gas doesn't flow directly into your eyes. In a room with 3 men, which helped and leads me to share an important .

My research of 100's stories and YouTube videos leads me to believe that men generally have a lot of different, and generally easier experiences at the surgery and subsequent weeks. It's not fair of course, but my anecdotal research was pretty consistent.

I'm only 2 weeks out, I'm NO EXPERT, just sharing experience and thoughts. Nausea passed within 2 days, high blood pressure many days finally returned to a safe zone when home. Opinion: apple juice boxes, regular Jello, Powerade brand, and regular ice pops left me in a bad place for 24 hours until I found G2 in Mexico, real electrolytes, minimal sugar, and I felt better in 2 hours. Like miraculously better. No more sugary kids juices, or regular apple, grape, or regular cranberry. I had removed them from my life before, so didn't need them now. I am suspicious of how they are the first tests of eating.

No vomiting, and I'm 2 weeks ahead of the curve stages of food. Everything that goes in my mouth as a test gets a tiny bite and a 15 minute wait and see. I took 5 years to reduce all red meat down to special treats only once a month. I'm Jewish and deli meat, real high quality Boars Head was always a weakness. Yesterday I tried 3 tiny turkey meatballs slow and had a little nausea that passed fast.

Next controversy. I am able to take a small sip of Water with food (cue collective gasp now), and hit Protein and water goals easily. I got overconfident yesterday over the holiday and slowly drank watered down top shelf bourbon diluted in water. It was fine. Had another. Then, a little judgement impaired, I rationalized 1/3 cup chili, no beef, just bean. Promptly threw up while falling asleep first incident. It was stupid and I broke guidance rules as well as my own. Thankfully my fear of vomiting damaging me was overwrought, I am luckily fine.

2 week prep? I couldn't have done it. 4 days worked for me. Years of nutrition classes and psych evaluations I would have failed. I am bi-polar 2, and HIV+, never sick, 32 years, genetics beat it, so it's a miracle of sorts. I thought no doctor would touch me....you just have to be honest, no one batted an eye.

Pre-PreP weight 253, today, 20 days later, 229.2 - it goes up and down every morning so trying not to obsess. Goal is 185, although as a wide chested son of a body builder, I'm confused what my goal should be. Chart for BMI says 165.

My app for discipline is called "Lose It". It has my data stored for past 7 years. It scans barcodes and logs your food for you, you just pick portion...and it remembers it for you, and memorizes your previous meals and puts them up front.

Next controversy: I have been vehemently against all Gastric bypasses since 1992 when my mom had it and subsequent skin surgeries. She now is in a nursing home suffering from such severe malabsorption and osteoporosis, she has broken over 9 bones and elbow major reconstructions. Her height is so many inches down I can't bear to ask how much she has lost. She can't swallow pills. She had the major re-routing, highly invasive early version and I've been angry a long time because where is the long term research? When we are older and needs change will we be ok? With new methods, I believe, finally, yes. My mom likely would have died like her sister who was so big she slept in a Lazy Boy chair and died in her sleep of cardiac arrest. This maybe was best.

I started lower, so I expect a slower curve, but I'm stuck at the weight I weighed the longest in my life, my bodies comfort weight, 230. I will be patient.

Final advice? A dab of sugar free whipped cream on jello, applesauce, pudding, or smoothie....it's heaven and I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere. I read that many people's boredom leads to trouble. Maybe that will help someone. Now the pics I have never let anyone see.   

[TheBearguy8 58]

Error, I'm 3 weeks out

[Apple1 2,572]

Congrats on getting your surgery. I was sleeved in Mexico on May 15. Monday will be 3 weeks for me.

I am 5'8" and I am hoping to get down to 150.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Nice honest story. Thanks for sharing.

On 5/30/2017 at 0:56 PM, TheBearguy8 said:

My research of 100's stories and YouTube videos leads me to believe that men generally have a lot of different, and generally easier experiences at the surgery and subsequent weeks. It's not fair of course, but my anecdotal research was pretty consistent.

Broads on YouTube like to be dramatic for views. Period. Plus a lot of them are straight nuts. If you watch enough of their videos it is easy to figure out. Men have a stigma attached to looking weak, women don't. They whine and cry on YouTube and people baby them. The same thing happens here, people mess up and make themselves miserable with dumb choices and want other people to coddle them.

I don't have a YouTube channel but I have a high pain tolerance. I had a baby, no pain meds, 10 pushes, no screaming (I wanted my baby born into a calm environment). I had VSG surgery, stopped taking pain meds as soon as I got home 28 hours later. Drove my car on day 3. Did everything for myself because I live alone. I had no complications, little pain (it just felt like I did 1000 crunches, I used to do 1000 crunches a day in HS so I know the feeling), and I was back to my regular life fairly rapidly.

People that are happy and have few issues don't usually shout it, because no one cares and it also seems like you are bragging and rubbing it in to the people that are miserable. So the miserable people have the floor.

I think you are going to do great long term. If you aren't already seeing a therapist you probably should. You might have an identity crisis once you aren't a Bear anymore and you have to figure out where you fit in your world after knowing your place for so long. BTW the Bears are my favorite

Edited June 3, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

That was a very heartfelt post. Glad you are on your journey.

[TheBearguy8 58]

Nice honest story. Thanks for sharing.
Broads on YouTube like to be dramatic for views. Period. Plus a lot of them are straight nuts. If you watch enough of their videos it is easy to figure out. Men have a stigma attached to looking weak, women don't. They whine and cry on YouTube and people baby them. The same thing happens here, people mess up and make themselves miserable with dumb choices and want other people to coddle them.
I don't have a YouTube channel but I have a high pain tolerance. I had a baby, no pain meds, 10 pushes, no screaming (I wanted my baby born into a calm environment). I had VSG surgery, stopped taking pain meds as soon as I got home 28 hours later. Drove my car on day 3. Did everything for myself because I live alone. I had no complications, little pain (it just felt like I did 1000 crunches, I used to do 1000 crunches a day in HS so I know the feeling), and I was back to my regular life fairly rapidly.
People that are happy and have few issues don't usually shout it, because no one cares and it also seems like you are bragging and rubbing it in to the people that are miserable. So the miserable people have the floor.
I think you are going to do great long term. If you aren't already seeing a therapist you probably should. You might have an identity crisis once you aren't a Bear anymore and you have to figure out where you fit in your world after knowing your place for so long. BTW the Bears are my favorite

You, are awesome...thank you

[SassyScienceNerd 214]

I'm so glad you found your way to Mexico, that's how I did it too. And I remember thinking the same thing about the fruit juice. I wish I had thought to ask for Gatorade G2 instead. I bet my Day 2 would have gone a lot better. And I agree with OMI above about therapy. Feeling a part of your identity go away is jarring sometimes. I'm the funny fat girl. I don't really know what else to be, I've been really good at it for a long time.

Can't wait to watch your transformation!

[blizair09 3,250]

On 6/2/2017 at 9:55 PM, OutsideMatchInside said:

I think you are going to do great long term. If you aren't already seeing a therapist you probably should. You might have an identity crisis once you aren't a Bear anymore and you have to figure out where you fit in your world after knowing your place for so long. BTW the Bears are my favorite

This is a good point. Having gone from 400 pounds to 195 pounds myself (and my partner having gone from 315 pounds to 210 pounds), we don't fit in as well in the bear community anymore, it appears. We are tending to go to the more mainstream gay establishments now. I'm not sure what to think about that. I like the vibe at the bear bars; I always have, but now, people strike up a conversation with us much more at other places.

Socially, everything is still in a state of major adjustment...

[Joann454 1,329]

This is a good point. Having gone from 400 pounds to 195 pounds myself (and my partner having gone from 315 pounds to 210 pounds), we don't fit in as well in the bear community anymore, it appears. We are tending to go to the more mainstream gay establishments now. I'm not sure what to think about that. I like the vibe at the bear bars; I always have, but now, people strike up a conversation with us much more at other places.
Socially, everything is still in a state of major adjustment...

I love Bears! My brother hits up bear week in Ptown every year. [emoji173]