I went on a date recently with someone and he decided on a whim that he wanted to take me out for sushi. I tried to suggest something else, but he was hungry. I ordered a few pieces of sashimi and ate the fish without the rice and told him I'm low-carbing it. But I spent so much time chewing it into a paste that I hardly talked, and since I only ate 3 pieces, he noticed and asked me what was up. I just told him I wasn't hungry to begin with, and it seemed fine from there. But I don't want to keep having these awkward interactions.

I don't tell people about surgery. If I get into a more serious relationship, I'll reveal it, but I am still uncomfortable with people knowing yet.

So give me some fun date ideas that don't involve going out to eat! I have had a blast mini-golfing on a date, and going to the batting cages. But I'm here to gather ideas so I can have good suggestions on hand the next time someone suggests we go out to dinner. Give me your favorites.

I may try Tinder. At this point it can't hurt.

Men can also make a date with their friends so why do men have to do all the work of courting you and scheduling dates? Seems like a lot of effort when I can just hang out with the guys.

Because not all women are into the whole women's lib stuff. Some of us were raised that a gentleman holds the door, pays for the date, gives a girl his jacket if she's cold, etc. Personally, I prefer a dominant male. I want my male to be able to take charge. For me, it's a very sexy quality. Mind you, I also think any relationship should be a partnership. Plan the dates together. If you both can't come to an agreement on what the first date, or subsequent dates, should be then you probably have no business being together. So communicate with each other. That's what a good relationship should be based on anyway, in my opinion. Without that communication each person is left floundering around trying to decifer what the other wants or needs. Believe it or not, most people are not mind readers.

So, yes, I'm one of those women that want to be courted. I am a hopeless romantic that really would like to be swept off my feet by a man. But there's no way I would remotely expect that to be possible if the person I'm wanting to court me had no clue about my dietary restrictions. I actually have it in at least one of my profiles that I recently had weight loss surgery. I figure if I put that out there I have a chance of someone seeing me that's had it done themselves or know someone close to them thats had it done and can understand the restrictions and the activity level that is required or if they don't know what it entails, they can ask about it. But right now, since I'm only a month out, I'm just trying to avoid the whole meal thing just because I don't feel like messing with it. Set up a meet for coffee or tea. And pray they show up. But don't whine and gripe and complain about not being able to get a date without putting any effort into it. It's a two way street and if you message someone and they don't answer you, don't take it personally. My therapist told me to treat it like a game. Don't take someone not messaging you personally because that will just bring you down and make you depressed and make you feel rejected. People like that aren't worth a second glance. I've had to develop the "Well, it's their loss and they're missing out on all this awesome and that when the right someone comes around I pray that I'll recognize him.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal App

Because not all women are into the whole women's lib stuff. Some of us were raised that a gentleman holds the door, pays for the date, gives a girl his jacket if she's cold, etc. Personally, I prefer a dominant male. I want my male to be able to take charge. For me, it's a very sexy quality. Mind you, I also think any relationship should be a partnership. Plan the dates together. If you both can't come to an agreement on what the first date, or subsequent dates, should be then you probably have no business being together. So communicate with each other. That's what a good relationship should be based on anyway, in my opinion. Without that communication each person is left floundering around trying to decifer what the other wants or needs. Believe it or not, most people are not mind readers.

So, yes, I'm one of those women that want to be courted. I am a hopeless romantic that really would like to be swept off my feet by a man. But there's no way I would remotely expect that to be possible if the person I'm wanting to court me had no clue about my dietary restrictions. I actually have it in at least one of my profiles that I recently had weight loss surgery. I figure if I put that out there I have a chance of someone seeing me that's had it done themselves or know someone close to them thats had it done and can understand the restrictions and the activity level that is required or if they don't know what it entails, they can ask about it. But right now, since I'm only a month out, I'm just trying to avoid the whole meal thing just because I don't feel like messing with it. Set up a meet for coffee or tea. And pray they show up. But don't whine and gripe and complain about not being able to get a date without putting any effort into it. It's a two way street and if you message someone and they don't answer you, don't take it personally. My therapist told me to treat it like a game. Don't take someone not messaging you personally because that will just bring you down and make you depressed and make you feel rejected. People like that aren't worth a second glance. I've had to develop the "Well, it's their loss and they're missing out on all this awesome and that when the right someone comes around I pray that I'll recognize him.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal App

When out on a date tonight and he didn't open his truck door for me.

Bothered me. A lot.

Yup. I want a man also. Most women do!!

I know where I live women in my age group with no kids are rare, but seriously I can't be all that special.
I've dated 2 College Professors, several business men (one owns a chain of sports bars locally), and a couple attorneys. All varying levels of fun. I met them all on Tinder. All of their credentials verified, none were frauds or creeps. Tinder has more confident people since it is all picture based and it has more "real" people since you have to link it to facebook. I'm sure there are lots of people looking for hookups but I haven't came across them, they are pretty easy to weed out just swiping left or right on first impression. You can tell a dude that is just looking for some.
POF is full of losers. I've never done Match, I'm not looking to get married and guys on Match or more serious. e harmony just seems lame. Tinder has the most men, because you don't really have to make a profile, so it makes sense to go there. Thanks to OKPirate for that tip.
Compliments don't get my attention that much, because men always compliment. I like the guys that read my profile, understand what kind of music I like. And ask me out. I'm not will to text or have long drawn out conversations on an app. If they don't have time to go out soon, then it is just a waste of time. That is another quick and easy way to weed out who is serious. If they aren't asking about your availability they are probably married and bored or involved and just looking for someone to talk to while they are at work. A guy with a successful career doesn't have time to chat you up on an app for hours.
I want to use the internet as a fast track to meeting people, not for actual online dating. I'm not trying to end up on Catfish.

I prefer tinder also.

Because not all women are into the whole women's lib stuff. Some of us were raised that a gentleman holds the door, pays for the date, gives a girl his jacket if she's cold, etc. Personally, I prefer a dominant male. I want my male to be able to take charge. For me, it's a very sexy quality. Mind you, I also think any relationship should be a partnership. Plan the dates together. If you both can't come to an agreement on what the first date, or subsequent dates, should be then you probably have no business being together. So communicate with each other. That's what a good relationship should be based on anyway, in my opinion. Without that communication each person is left floundering around trying to decifer what the other wants or needs. Believe it or not, most people are not mind readers.

So, yes, I'm one of those women that want to be courted. I am a hopeless romantic that really would like to be swept off my feet by a man. But there's no way I would remotely expect that to be possible if the person I'm wanting to court me had no clue about my dietary restrictions. I actually have it in at least one of my profiles that I recently had weight loss surgery. I figure if I put that out there I have a chance of someone seeing me that's had it done themselves or know someone close to them thats had it done and can understand the restrictions and the activity level that is required or if they don't know what it entails, they can ask about it. But right now, since I'm only a month out, I'm just trying to avoid the whole meal thing just because I don't feel like messing with it. Set up a meet for coffee or tea. And pray they show up. But don't whine and gripe and complain about not being able to get a date without putting any effort into it. It's a two way street and if you message someone and they don't answer you, don't take it personally. My therapist told me to treat it like a game. Don't take someone not messaging you personally because that will just bring you down and make you depressed and make you feel rejected. People like that aren't worth a second glance. I've had to develop the "Well, it's their loss and they're missing out on all this awesome and that when the right someone comes around I pray that I'll recognize him.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal App

What does courting entail? I was never taught these things. What is my end of the deal? If I court a woman, what should I expect in return? Men aren't very complicated. Either you like me or you don't.

What does courting entail? I was never taught these things. What is my end of the deal? If I court a woman, what should I expect in return? Men aren't very complicated. Either you like me or you don't.

Well, my mom and I try to teach my boys that they treat their ladies with respect. They are to open all doors (even car doors) for a lady (any lady - and yes I realize some women don't appreciate things like that, but there are still some of us that do). If you ask a lady out, bring her a flower (even if she's allergic, if she's a lady,then she'll politely accept and then politely inform you that she's allergic to them [emoji4]). If you ask a lady out, it's your responsibility to pay for the date. Usually, I, personally, like it when the man chooses the venue of the date. I was raised very old fashioned, bordering on 1950's, old fashioned. In return, you get a lady that will respect you and bend over backwards to make you happy. (At least if she's a lady, you will) And as far as you either like me or you don't... well that's the same with women too. But if you do put out the effort and the person you've tried to court doesn't appreciate what you've done for her, then I'm sorry, but she isn't a lady and it's not your fault she's a jerk... it's hers. And if she does appreciate your effort and the chemistry isn't there... That's not Your fault either. You dust yourself off and try again.

I understand most of this won't come through on an online dating app, but maybe there's someone you've been eyeing at the grocer that's not wearing a ring. Take the initiative and say something to her. Compliment her hair or her eyes. Let her know you've noticed her. Be bold. Who knows, maybe she's noticed you too and is waiting for you to make the first move.
The dating apps will only get you so far. I've met a couple of nice people on them. As a matter of fact, I met my best friend on OK Cupid two years ago. If things had turned out a little different we'd probably be together right now, but I digress. We still talk all the time and he's the only person I know that I can talk to about anything. Heck, we were on the phone with each other for 3 hours yesterday.
If there's an in person bariatric support group meeting in your area, start going to those. There's several singles that go to those and they are going through the same process you are. I'm actually hoping some day to find someone at my support group. I'm trying to remember the site name, but there's a site that allows you to join different types of groups in your area. For instance, if you like bicycling then you can find a group that gets together to go bicycling. If you like tabletop games, like Magic the Gathering or Yughio (I'm sure I spelled that wrong), there's groups that get together to play. Those are excellent opportunities to meet people that share your same interests.

Dating in this day and technological age isn't easy. I know. Online dating isn't the only thing out there, though. It's cool to be able to see what's out there, but it's not the end all be all. Get out there and live! You've given yourself a new lease on life by having this surgery. Don't sit behind your phone or computer screen hoping to find Ms. Right. Get your groove on and live and in the process, you may just trip over her![emoji6] It may sound Hallmarky, but never give up on love. You'll connect when the time is right. Believe me, I've been looking for 4 years now and I've been where you are (still there actually) and I've wanted to give up several times (especially after Monday's blows to my ego) but the truth is I don't think I'll ever give up. I may take a few steps back from the online dating thing, but I'm never going to give up on finding my Sir. My One that I can be proud to say "Hey! Look what I caught and he's all mine!" I believe he's out there. Just as I believe yours is out there too. Just don't forget to live while your looking. Because if you forget to live just because you're so busy trying to find your other half, then what was the point of going through this surgery? What was the point of getting healthy? Take care of yourself. And never give up!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal App

Kinda sucks how the OPs post got hijacked.

What does courting entail? I was never taught these things. What is my end of the deal? If I court a woman, what should I expect in return? Men aren't very complicated. Either you like me or you don't.

Maybe you could start your own thread? For people to give you dating advice? This was a thread about food on dates...

33 minutes ago, bellabloom said:

Maybe you could start your own thread? For people to give you dating advice? This was a thread about food on dates...

Not necessary. I got all the information I need. I will ask an admin to remove my post and subsequent quotes. It appears I can no longer edit my posts or I would do it myself.

Fun date ideas.. I second the mini-golf idea, OP. But if you want to have just as much fun, rent a driver and go to a driving range. It's fun just whacking the ball everywhere, and since golf isn't so strength reliant (as it is form), it's an easy thing to learn.

Movies are a good one. Especially if you have some type of card that gives rewards. Every single movie my wife and I go to are free due to better utilization of CC rewards.

Beaches are always fun as well, provided you have the weather for it. It was always fun spending much of my life in NorCal being on a beach and watching some tourist happily sprint toward the (ocean) water thinking "ITS SUNNY CALIFORNIA TIME TO DIVE INTO SOME WARM WATER", they jump in and then fly like lightning back onto the sand as it's way too cold and need a bodysuit to enjoy it.

I always had a thing for concerts (heavy metal), sports venues (hockey, American football, Association football/soccer), and sports bars/entertainment venues like Dave and Busters.

Theme parks are good too, but given how overweight many of us are, it's generally not a good idea until we get the weight down. I had my first embarrassing theme park moment being too fat for a ride when I visited Cedar Point in 2016. Was not cool.

If sightseeing is your thing, there's plenty of stuff around the country to see. Now is prime season in Alberta (Canada) to visit Banff National Park. The snow season is cool too for skiing/boarding, but you can do that pretty much anywhere.

Can also invest the time and money into protecting yourselves (enjoying your second amendment rights) and buy a gun/sign up for a range.

There's so many things I've done and can think of doing more of that isn't eating..

On 5/16/2017 at 3:25 PM, elliekay said:

I don't understand the mentality that you have to be completely open about your surgery on the first couple dates/early in a relationship lol...

i don't know what the nightlife scene is like by you and what's accessible but i live inside chicago city limits so generally i like going to cheap shows on dates--there's always cheap improv shows or local bands for $5-$10.

Thank you! I never said it was a secret I was carrying to the grave, just that I'm not giving that info out on the first few dates. Once we are in a legit relationship, then I will be honest about my "diet."

God I miss Chicago. I grew up there, now I live at the beach, which is its own heaven on earth, but in a different way. Definitely no $5-10 improv shows (or at least- no good ones.) We do get great live music out here though. I do frequent those!

It is amazing how many women cannot even bother to reply to a message even if they are not intetested. It takes a minute to say thank you but I am not intetested. They ate just plain ignorant. They should honored that someone took the time to message them, I know I am when I get a message.

Dating with no food involved...

A unique one which I have found to be quite fun is going to the shooting range, either rifle or pistol and my opportunity to instruct a new shooter allows me to reveal my patience, my ability to communicate effectively (considering my life depends on their safely handling a loaded weapon) and my supportiveness in being positive even if they aren't proficient on their first try. I'm a firm believer in ladies learning how to use firearms with deadly proficiency because after all....a "restraining order" is just a piece of paper.

Another is Go kart racing....assuming you have dropped enough through surgery a fun playful competitive race on some go karts can bring out the kid in all of us.

Karaoke - even though they are hosted in pubs and taverns for the most part there is no requirement to consume alcohol. Regardless if you're an adept singer or screech like a wet cat in a bathtub showing a little vulnerability in your lack of singing ability in front of a crowd may reveal how playful and supportive your date can be or bring the "a*****e" factor into the spotlight.

Paintball/Laser Tag - You're moving, swerving, dodging, and finding cover, the thrill of the hunt, all while burning a few extra calories.

Museums/Art Galleries - Raise your culture level or see if your date has some added culture you never knew about, and its a great forum to talk and share ideas on what you experience there.

The Zoo: Lions and Tigers and Bears...oh my...but let's get real, we both know you wanna run right for the monkey cages to watch them fling their own feces at each other.

Hope that sparks some inspiration.

3 hours ago, jlindenman said:

It is amazing how many women cannot even bother to reply to a message even if they are not intetested. It takes a minute to say thank you but I am not intetested. They ate just plain ignorant. They should honored that someone took the time to message them, I know I am when I get a message.

When you reply you aren't interested they either tell you off or argue with you. It is safer to just not respond.

I told several guys I wasn't interested because they had small children and they tried to convince me it wouldn't be an issue. I don't even want to date a dude with a cat let alone a kid. Not interested. Nothing wrong with it but "It's a no from me, dawg".

I met a dude for coffee over a year ago, told him I wasn't interested and he is still randomly calling and text me from different numbers.

It is better to say nothing and block them than take the chance on gaining their wrath. Men have no idea how dangerous dating is for women.

Edited May 18, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside