Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Dates that don't revolve around food



Recommended Posts

I went on a date recently with someone and he decided on a whim that he wanted to take me out for sushi. I tried to suggest something else, but he was hungry. I ordered a few pieces of sashimi and ate the fish without the rice and told him I'm low-carbing it. But I spent so much time chewing it into a paste that I hardly talked, and since I only ate 3 pieces, he noticed and asked me what was up. I just told him I wasn't hungry to begin with, and it seemed fine from there. But I don't want to keep having these awkward interactions.

I don't tell people about surgery. If I get into a more serious relationship, I'll reveal it, but I am still uncomfortable with people knowing yet.

So give me some fun date ideas that don't involve going out to eat! I have had a blast mini-golfing on a date, and going to the batting cages. But I'm here to gather ideas so I can have good suggestions on hand the next time someone suggests we go out to dinner. Give me your favorites.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I kind of judge guys on the kinds of dates they take me on. If I'm not asking, I shouldn't have to plan. If a guy can't come up with a good date that allows me to actually get to know him and he isn't trying to impress me, there is no future in the relationship.

I'm saying it like that because I want someone that is active and likes doing activities and doesn't plan dates that revolve around meals, which is boring to me. I was like this with dating before surgery. I want to do an activity so I can make a judgement on their personality. dinner is too easy/boring.

Anyway, I like concerts and outdoor events. I get to evaluate how they act in public, how they react to crowds, if they will protect me and treat me like a lady, how good they are with parking and other things. Basically I can see how the act under slight pressure, early on, without having to date them and waste my time.

Also you kind of can't plan a date for a man because you don't know their finances. How creative they are with a date tells you a lot about them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

This is why I never cared for the dating scene. Too many people expecting mind readers.

Communication (or lack thereof) is by far the biggest reason relationships/friendships of any kind fail. It's so much easier to just be up front and honest. Why people wish to play around and complicate things/make things more difficult is beyond me, but not my problem.

Edited by PatientEleventyBillion

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

I didn't date at 1 month post-op, I would actually suggest people wait until they are over a year post-op but I understand hormones make that hard to do.

If you wait longer you can eat more and there is nothing to explain about your eating habits.

The idea in dating is to find a match. You shouldn't have to lead someone by the nose to get them to like what you like.

OP do you have in your dating profile that you are active and you like to do active things? I had that in my profile and it helped weed out a lot of guys. Most of the guys I met are high energy and active like me. If they aren't they can't really fake it, although some try.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

This is why I never cared for the dating scene. Too many people expecting mind readers.

Communication (or lack thereof) is by far the biggest reason relationships/friendships of any kind fail. It's so much easier to just be up front and honest. Why people wish to play around and complicate things/make things more difficult is beyond me, but not my problem.

I agree, I see no reason to keep it secret. Not that you have to go into personal details, but be open & when it comes up naturally in conversation about your eating. You can just mention that you had weight loss surgery to help you develop a healthier lifestyle. If a relationship develops, you want it based on honesty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My surgery, my business who I tell upon meeting or not. These are first-second-third dates here, he's not proposing. I will reveal personal information about my health when I am good and ready. YMMV, but that's how I am doing this. I don't tell them my salary or my mommy issues on the first date either. There's honesty and there's oversharing too soon.

I'm not asking anyone to cater to my restrictions, either. I simply want to have suggestions on hand for other things to do besides going out to eat so I can steer the interactions that way.

Love live music. I have done a lot of concert dates, those are probably my favorites. I'm also adding paddleboarding to the list.

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, SassyScienceNerd said:

My surgery, my business who I tell upon meeting or not. These are first-second-third dates here, he's not proposing. I will reveal personal information about my health when I am good and ready. YMMV, but that's how I am doing this. I don't tell them my salary or my mommy issues on the first date either. There's honesty and there's oversharing too soon.

I'm not asking anyone to cater to my restrictions, either. I simply want to have suggestions on hand for other things to do besides going out to eat so I can steer the interactions that way.

Love live music. I have done a lot of concert dates, those are probably my favorites. I'm also adding paddleboarding to the list.

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

You want them to choose the date but don't want to tell them about your limitations when it comes to food?

The more I read about dating, the more I realize I have no shot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You want them to choose the date but don't want to tell them about your limitations when it comes to food?
The more I read about dating, the more I realize I have no shot.
@sgc... I'm running into tons of headaches on the dating sites too. Most of the guys I've talked to are either con artists or just want a quick hookup. The ones that say they want a relationship, won't reply to messages or if they do they turn out to want money or sex. I actually got a date set up with one guy after talking to him for a couple of weeks and he ended up standing me up. So, I totally feel your pain. Some days I question whether or not it's even worth continuing the search on the sites. Just yesterday I talked to someone who wanted to meet he asked if weekends were okay. When I said yes, just not this weekend because my son is graduating he went off on me saying I was making things up just to come up with reasons not to meet him. It made me so mad I wanted to throw my phone across the room. It seems we're danged if we do and danged if we don't. Keep the faith. There's someone out there for us and when we least expect it they'll show up. I just pray I recognize him when it does happen and not let the experiences I've had hinder anything. Good luck in your search!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:

@sgc... I'm running into tons of headaches on the dating sites too. Most of the guys I've talked to are either con artists or just want a quick hookup. The ones that say they want a relationship, won't reply to messages or if they do they turn out to want money or sex. I actually got a date set up with one guy after talking to him for a couple of weeks and he ended up standing me up. So, I totally feel your pain. Some days I question whether or not it's even worth continuing the search on the sites. Just yesterday I talked to someone who wanted to meet he asked if weekends were okay. When I said yes, just not this weekend because my son is graduating he went off on me saying I was making things up just to come up with reasons not to meet him. It made me so mad I wanted to throw my phone across the room. It seems we're danged if we do and danged if we don't. Keep the faith. There's someone out there for us and when we least expect it they'll show up. I just pray I recognize him when it does happen and not let the experiences I've had hinder anything. Good luck in your search!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

I emailed 150 women and got 1 response and she never replied to my follow up response. I haven't even gotten close to eve offering a date. Now I have to protect a strange woman in a crowd and hope I guess right on date suggestions. I'm just not cut out for this, evident by my lack of responses to my emails. I've only sent 1 email since May 1st. I really don't care anymore. It's more effort than it's worth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I emailed 150 women and got 1 response and she never replied to my follow up response. I haven't even gotten close to eve offering a date. Now I have to protect a strange woman in a crowd and hope I guess right on date suggestions. I'm just not cut out for this, evident by my lack of responses to my emails. I've only sent 1 email since May 1st. I really don't care anymore. It's more effort than it's worth.

Sometimes I agree with you. For sure. I don't know why I stay on them. I'm hoping to meet someone at a support group meeting. At least he would understand what we go through.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband was completely honest with me on our first date. He was 2 years out but his diet was still restrictive. I guess I admired his immediate honesty. It wasn't a big deal to me, if anything i was proud of him. I would have kinda a annoyed of he would have later, all of a sudden came clean.

On the other hand I'm a really private person and have a really hard time being open to coworkers, clients, and non immediate family members.

Sent from my SM-G930V using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a great suggestion . Date me. Lol, but we live too far apart.

John. Lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, SassyScienceNerd said:

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

If I have to plan a date, I can just make a date with my friends, people that I actually know and I already like. Instead of leading a middle aged man by the nose. I expect to be courted or it isn't worth my time.

Think dating one month post-op you are creating a lot of your own problems. If you waited until 6 months, you could eat enough what you eat or don't eat on a date would be a non-issue. Men are used to women not eating a lot on dates, especially first dates.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

If I have to plan a date, I can just make a date with my friends, people that I actually know and I already like. Instead of leading a middle aged man by the nose. I expect to be courted or it isn't worth my time.

Think dating one month post-op you are creating a lot of your own problems. If you waited until 6 months, you could eat enough what you eat or don't eat on a date would be a non-issue. Men are used to women not eating a lot on dates, especially first dates.

Men can also make a date with their friends so why do men have to do all the work of courting you and scheduling dates? Seems like a lot of effort when I can just hang out with the guys.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:


Sometimes I agree with you. For sure. I don't know why I stay on them. I'm hoping to meet someone at a support group meeting. At least he would understand what we go through.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

I keep my profile up to date but I don't really message anymore. I hear women today are strong and independent so I don't know why I have to conform to gender roles and be the one who initiates contact. I'll let women contact me. So far it isn't working.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Featured Surgeons

    1. Masoud Rezvani

      Woodbridge, Virginia 22191

    2. Lisa Medvetz

      Downingtown, Pennsylvania 19335
      800-282-0066

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • christa_reid

      Hi I  am new here and I am going to have the gastric sleeve next month. I have to pay out of pocket so it is going quite quickly. The longer I wait the more bad stories I hear. I weigh 315 and 61 years old so I have a lot to lose. Any advice is welcome
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ProudGrammy

      Georgia on my mind - off to grand-daughters high school graduation - she's smart and cute as a button, just like her grammy,☺️
      kathy
      · 2 replies
      1. SusieQ2019

        Congratulations to her Proud Granny, and wishing her a bright and successful future.

      2. Orchids&Dragons

        Congrats to your granddaughter! Have a wonderful trip!

    • *Meaghan*

      Went to my initial consult with the Bariatric surgeon/ program I chose. Came home with a folder full of information & helpful organization of all the testing that needs to be completed while I complete the required nutritional counseling. She also let me know my insurance typically takes 6 weeks to reply with authorization when submitted, so that puts my potential surgery date near the new year if all stays on track  I felt comfortable with her, in our discussions she agrees that I am a good candidate for the Gastric Bypass. I appreciated the 'introduction' class that was given after the consult with the surgeon where I was given this binder of every referral (from her, not my pcp referrals), & contact information for all the testing needed to make my contacts/calls tomorrow morning even easier I start my nutrition classes on June 5th, so that's when the clock will start toward insurance approval & getting the tool to help me reach my goals
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Torie Faye

      I had my Bypass Surgery on 04/25/2019 I'd weighted before surgery 308 and now 285. I get depressed because I thought it would be more. I follow all instructions from Dr.. Green walk every day work out and eating solid foods 
      · 1 reply
      1. ProudGrammy

        welcome welcome - 23 lbs pre/post op is great. you are doing fine. keep up the good work. kathy

    • MrsGamgee

      Day 5 post-op... didn't sleep great last night, lots of gas pain and it was my first night without using the rx pain meds. I'm tired and feeling rather stupid. My nurse is supposed to call today for a check in, so I'm debating taking a nap now and risk missing her call, or forcing myself to stay awake and pray she calls soon. Also, showering should be considered a workout... just doing the basics used up all my energy. Weight is slowly working its way down. I know that I shouldn't be on the scale yet, but I couldn't resist. I'm down almost 9lb down since surgery. Yay!
      · 1 reply
      1. Emilia Danciu

        You are allowed to feel tired, take naps and only do the minimum this soon after the surgery. Listen to your body and be good to yourself at this time. Most important things to care about at this time is hydration and protein. It is a full-time job to stay on top of that and prioritize your energy there for now. Just give your body the time to heal and adjust, don’t rush the recovery.

  • Trending Topics

  • Magazine Articles

    1. Keto and Bariatric Surgery

      Posted in: Food & Nutrition
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
    2. Little known facts about losing weight after bariatric surgery

      Posted in: Post-Op Support
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
    3. Carbs After Bariatric Surgery?

      Posted in: Food & Nutrition
      Lisa Kaouk, RD & Monica Bashaw, RD
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×