I went on a date recently with someone and he decided on a whim that he wanted to take me out for sushi. I tried to suggest something else, but he was hungry. I ordered a few pieces of sashimi and ate the fish without the rice and told him I'm low-carbing it. But I spent so much time chewing it into a paste that I hardly talked, and since I only ate 3 pieces, he noticed and asked me what was up. I just told him I wasn't hungry to begin with, and it seemed fine from there. But I don't want to keep having these awkward interactions.

I don't tell people about surgery. If I get into a more serious relationship, I'll reveal it, but I am still uncomfortable with people knowing yet.

So give me some fun date ideas that don't involve going out to eat! I have had a blast mini-golfing on a date, and going to the batting cages. But I'm here to gather ideas so I can have good suggestions on hand the next time someone suggests we go out to dinner. Give me your favorites.

I kind of judge guys on the kinds of dates they take me on. If I'm not asking, I shouldn't have to plan. If a guy can't come up with a good date that allows me to actually get to know him and he isn't trying to impress me, there is no future in the relationship.

I'm saying it like that because I want someone that is active and likes doing activities and doesn't plan dates that revolve around meals, which is boring to me. I was like this with dating before surgery. I want to do an activity so I can make a judgement on their personality. Dinner is too easy/boring.

Anyway, I like concerts and outdoor events. I get to evaluate how they act in public, how they react to crowds, if they will protect me and treat me like a lady, how good they are with parking and other things. Basically I can see how the act under slight pressure, early on, without having to date them and waste my time.

Also you kind of can't plan a date for a man because you don't know their finances. How creative they are with a date tells you a lot about them.

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

This is why I never cared for the dating scene. Too many people expecting mind readers.

Communication (or lack thereof) is by far the biggest reason relationships/friendships of any kind fail. It's so much easier to just be up front and honest. Why people wish to play around and complicate things/make things more difficult is beyond me, but not my problem.

Edited May 15, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

20 minutes ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

I didn't date at 1 month post-op, I would actually suggest people wait until they are over a year post-op but I understand hormones make that hard to do.

If you wait longer you can eat more and there is nothing to explain about your eating habits.

The idea in dating is to find a match. You shouldn't have to lead someone by the nose to get them to like what you like.

OP do you have in your dating profile that you are active and you like to do active things? I had that in my profile and it helped weed out a lot of guys. Most of the guys I met are high energy and active like me. If they aren't they can't really fake it, although some try.

11 hours ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I don't get it.. you want someone to cater to your surgery and your diet restrictions, but don't want to explain anything.

This is why I never cared for the dating scene. Too many people expecting mind readers.

Communication (or lack thereof) is by far the biggest reason relationships/friendships of any kind fail. It's so much easier to just be up front and honest. Why people wish to play around and complicate things/make things more difficult is beyond me, but not my problem.

I agree, I see no reason to keep it secret. Not that you have to go into personal details, but be open & when it comes up naturally in conversation about your eating. You can just mention that you had weight loss surgery to help you develop a healthier lifestyle. If a relationship develops, you want it based on honesty.

My surgery, my business who I tell upon meeting or not. These are first-second-third dates here, he's not proposing. I will reveal personal information about my health when I am good and ready. YMMV, but that's how I am doing this. I don't tell them my salary or my mommy issues on the first date either. There's honesty and there's oversharing too soon.

I'm not asking anyone to cater to my restrictions, either. I simply want to have suggestions on hand for other things to do besides going out to eat so I can steer the interactions that way.

Love live music. I have done a lot of concert dates, those are probably my favorites. I'm also adding paddleboarding to the list.

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

2 hours ago, SassyScienceNerd said:

My surgery, my business who I tell upon meeting or not. These are first-second-third dates here, he's not proposing. I will reveal personal information about my health when I am good and ready. YMMV, but that's how I am doing this. I don't tell them my salary or my mommy issues on the first date either. There's honesty and there's oversharing too soon.

I'm not asking anyone to cater to my restrictions, either. I simply want to have suggestions on hand for other things to do besides going out to eat so I can steer the interactions that way.

Love live music. I have done a lot of concert dates, those are probably my favorites. I'm also adding paddleboarding to the list.

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

You want them to choose the date but don't want to tell them about your limitations when it comes to food?

The more I read about dating, the more I realize I have no shot.

You want them to choose the date but don't want to tell them about your limitations when it comes to food?
The more I read about dating, the more I realize I have no shot.

@sgc... I'm running into tons of headaches on the dating sites too. Most of the guys I've talked to are either con artists or just want a quick hookup. The ones that say they want a relationship, won't reply to messages or if they do they turn out to want money or sex. I actually got a date set up with one guy after talking to him for a couple of weeks and he ended up standing me up. So, I totally feel your pain. Some days I question whether or not it's even worth continuing the search on the sites. Just yesterday I talked to someone who wanted to meet he asked if weekends were okay. When I said yes, just not this weekend because my son is graduating he went off on me saying I was making things up just to come up with reasons not to meet him. It made me so mad I wanted to throw my phone across the room. It seems we're danged if we do and danged if we don't. Keep the faith. There's someone out there for us and when we least expect it they'll show up. I just pray I recognize him when it does happen and not let the experiences I've had hinder anything. Good luck in your search!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:

@sgc... I'm running into tons of headaches on the dating sites too. Most of the guys I've talked to are either con artists or just want a quick hookup. The ones that say they want a relationship, won't reply to messages or if they do they turn out to want money or sex. I actually got a date set up with one guy after talking to him for a couple of weeks and he ended up standing me up. So, I totally feel your pain. Some days I question whether or not it's even worth continuing the search on the sites. Just yesterday I talked to someone who wanted to meet he asked if weekends were okay. When I said yes, just not this weekend because my son is graduating he went off on me saying I was making things up just to come up with reasons not to meet him. It made me so mad I wanted to throw my phone across the room. It seems we're danged if we do and danged if we don't. Keep the faith. There's someone out there for us and when we least expect it they'll show up. I just pray I recognize him when it does happen and not let the experiences I've had hinder anything. Good luck in your search!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

I emailed 150 women and got 1 response and she never replied to my follow up response. I haven't even gotten close to eve offering a date. Now I have to protect a strange woman in a crowd and hope I guess right on date suggestions. I'm just not cut out for this, evident by my lack of responses to my emails. I've only sent 1 email since May 1st. I really don't care anymore. It's more effort than it's worth.

I emailed 150 women and got 1 response and she never replied to my follow up response. I haven't even gotten close to eve offering a date. Now I have to protect a strange woman in a crowd and hope I guess right on date suggestions. I'm just not cut out for this, evident by my lack of responses to my emails. I've only sent 1 email since May 1st. I really don't care anymore. It's more effort than it's worth.

Sometimes I agree with you. For sure. I don't know why I stay on them. I'm hoping to meet someone at a support group meeting. At least he would understand what we go through.

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My husband was completely honest with me on our first date. He was 2 years out but his diet was still restrictive. I guess I admired his immediate honesty. It wasn't a big deal to me, if anything i was proud of him. I would have kinda a annoyed of he would have later, all of a sudden came clean.

On the other hand I'm a really private person and have a really hard time being open to coworkers, clients, and non immediate family members.

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I have a great suggestion . Date me. Lol, but we live too far apart.

John. Lol

4 hours ago, SassyScienceNerd said:

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

If I have to plan a date, I can just make a date with my friends, people that I actually know and I already like. Instead of leading a middle aged man by the nose. I expect to be courted or it isn't worth my time.

Think dating one month post-op you are creating a lot of your own problems. If you waited until 6 months, you could eat enough what you eat or don't eat on a date would be a non-issue. Men are used to women not eating a lot on dates, especially first dates.

10 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

If I have to plan a date, I can just make a date with my friends, people that I actually know and I already like. Instead of leading a middle aged man by the nose. I expect to be courted or it isn't worth my time.

Think dating one month post-op you are creating a lot of your own problems. If you waited until 6 months, you could eat enough what you eat or don't eat on a date would be a non-issue. Men are used to women not eating a lot on dates, especially first dates.

Men can also make a date with their friends so why do men have to do all the work of courting you and scheduling dates? Seems like a lot of effort when I can just hang out with the guys.

1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:

Sometimes I agree with you. For sure. I don't know why I stay on them. I'm hoping to meet someone at a support group meeting. At least he would understand what we go through.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

I keep my profile up to date but I don't really message anymore. I hear women today are strong and independent so I don't know why I have to conform to gender roles and be the one who initiates contact. I'll let women contact me. So far it isn't working.

4 minutes ago, sgc said:

Men can also make a date with their friends so why do men have to do all the work of courting you and scheduling dates? Seems like a lot of effort when I can just hang out with the guys.

Well if they are asking me out, I assume they want to spend time with me. If they don't then that is fine too, my dog is better company than most people and better dressed.

The kind of men I date aren't the kind of men that don't take charge. If you can't tell by my posting style, I'm pretty aggressive. I need someone more aggressive than me or I will be bored.

I work for my self and have for a very long time and I usually date men on that same level, and that comes with a certain personality.

I get that you are disappointed in your dating life and having a hard time, but I'm not going to be your online punching bag because you are bitter you can't get a date.