I went on a date recently with someone and he decided on a whim that he wanted to take me out for sushi. I tried to suggest something else, but he was hungry. I ordered a few pieces of sashimi and ate the fish without the rice and told him I'm low-carbing it. But I spent so much time chewing it into a paste that I hardly talked, and since I only ate 3 pieces, he noticed and asked me what was up. I just told him I wasn't hungry to begin with, and it seemed fine from there. But I don't want to keep having these awkward interactions.

I don't tell people about surgery. If I get into a more serious relationship, I'll reveal it, but I am still uncomfortable with people knowing yet.

So give me some fun date ideas that don't involve going out to eat! I have had a blast mini-golfing on a date, and going to the batting cages. But I'm here to gather ideas so I can have good suggestions on hand the next time someone suggests we go out to dinner. Give me your favorites.

27 minutes ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

If you're going at this with a defensive outlook like being more social and functioning in society is "changing you", then you're fighting a losing battle. Relationships are two people, so flexibility is a must and doesn't require changing who you are. If you don't want to compromise, you'll be single forever, and should enjoy the fruits of your decision making.

Don't expect different results with the same approach. And expect little sympathy if all you do is whine and do nothing about it. Very few people, women of all, are going to sympathize with someone they need to baby, especially on a forum where people are highly motivated to change their habits and environment.

I'm content being single. I'm also not looking for sympathy or anyone to baby me. I have done things about it such as losing 260 pounds, putting myself online, approaching 150 strange women online, and I have gone to a couple social functions at work that didn't go over well. If all you think this is is whining, surely you can ignore me. I know it's possible.

1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:

Try "meet up". Find a group that has the same interests as you. That's a good way to become more social. I believe it's meetup.com. It's a way to do what you like to do and meet new people in the process.

Going to local support group meetings either specifically for bariatric patients or Celebrate Recovery is another way to be more social and meet new people. Either way, you'd be able to meet people who either enjoy doing the same activities you like to do or people who understand the challenges we face as bariatric patients.

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Meetup doesn't have anything of interest in my area yet. The ones that do interest me, have no one attending. I honestly don't think I want to go with another bariatric patient. I just want to be normal and not labeled a bariatric patient like I have a disease or something.

Sgc has a whole thread with pages and pages of advice he refuses to take. People have been trying to help him for months. He won't even help himself.

You can't sit in the house and expect a broad to drop from the sky.

He isn't getting the results he wants how he is, but he refuses to change.

There is nothing anyone can do.

Personally I have never complained about not meeting nice guys, they are of no interest to me. I want a go getter.

4 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Sgc has a whole thread with pages and pages of advice he refuses to take. People have been trying to help him for months. He won't even help himself.

You can't sit in the house and expect a broad to drop from the sky.

He isn't getting the results he wants how he is, but he refuses to change.

There is nothing anyone can do.

Personally I have never complained about not meeting nice guys, they are of no interest to me. I want a go getter.

What advice have I refused to take?

Tbh Sgc you've kind of derailed the original topic on conversation for OP, and that's sorta not cool man. Like I understand your frustration of not being able to find an SO but people here and in your own thread have really tried to help you out with suggestions. Also Bariatric patients are normal your talking like we got three heads or something. If your content with being single then what's the problem? Just live your life make friends and let love come to you stop chasing it so hard. It's almost like your just focusing too hard on it right now. Just continue on your weigh loss journey and keep your head up. Being in a relationship isn't the end all be all, and if you were miserable before it won't fix things. Ya know?

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

7 minutes ago, sgc said:

What advice have I refused to take?

ALL OF IT.

You came in this thread pretending that you want to understand how women think so you can get one but all you ever do is low key bash women for not responding to you.

You never once post anything about working on your social anxiety and improving your self worth. You are never going to get someone until you work on yourself.

And above you said you were not willing to change for a woman. You don't need to change for a woman you need to change for yourself. You are going to wake up old and alone one day and regret your choices.

Edited May 21, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside

4 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

ALL OF IT

Humor me.

9 minutes ago, sgc said:

Humor me.

Attention grab: success.

Edited May 21, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

What you are doing now is not working. If you want different results you have to be different.

Meeting women online isn't working. People said meet people in person, you said no. I suggested playing a MMO, to meet people you said you play Nintendo alone.

You have no real interest in getting a woman. Be honest with yourself. If you did you would be willing to try new things.

10 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

ALL OF IT.

You came in this thread pretending that you want to understand how women think so you can get one but all you ever do is low key bash women for not responding to you.

You never once post anything about working on your social anxiety and improving your self worth. You are never going to get someone until you work on yourself.

And above you said you were not willing to change for a woman. You don't need to change for a woman you need to change for yourself. You are going to wake up old and alone one day and regret your choices.

I posted how I am seeing someone about it and taking medication. I also just posted how I went to a couple different social functions. (pictures of that are in my dating profile) Approaching strange women in person is not my strength and never will be.

Meetup doesn't have anything of interest in my area yet. The ones that do interest me, have no one attending. I honestly don't think I want to go with another bariatric patient. I just want to be normal and not labeled a bariatric patient like I have a disease or something.

Wow. All I hear is excuse after excuse from you. There have been so many really greasy suggestions for you and you shoot down every single one of them. Going to a support group meeting designed for bariatric patients is not putting a label on anyone. It is what it is. Believe it or not, most of us do have a disease if we've gotten to the point of needing bariatric surgery. It's called loving food too much. It's called co-dependency. It's called having a problem with food. Besides being "normal" is highly overrated. I, personally, don't want to date anyone "normal". For me, "normal" is boring and dull. If you don't want to take the advice of anyone, why bother asking for advice? Like someone else said, if you don't want to change your way of thinking about things, then you're not going to get very far. I'd be happy to date another bariatric patient. I know they want to better themselves and actually like themselves enough to help themselves. You may not like the label, but for whatever the reason, you ARE a bariatric patient and whatever problem you had with food to get to this point IS a disease, just like alcoholism. Deal with that fact first. Then try finding someone to be with.

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5 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

What you are doing now is not working. If you want different results you have to be different.

Meeting women online isn't working. People said meet people in person, you said no. I suggested playing a MMO, to meet people you said you play Nintendo alone.

You have no real interest in getting a woman. Be honest with yourself. If you did you would be willing to try new things.

You asked me if I played WoW and I said I played Nintendo. I never said I wouldn't do it. I also didn't say I play Nintendo alone. I don't even have a PC capable of playing WoW anyways.

6 minutes ago, Hoping052017 said:

Wow. All I hear is excuse after excuse from you. There have been so many really greasy suggestions for you and you shoot down every single one of them. Going to a support group meeting designed for bariatric patients is not putting a label on anyone. It is what it is. Believe it or not, most of us do have a disease if we've gotten to the point of needing bariatric surgery. It's called loving food too much. It's called co-dependency. It's called having a problem with food. Besides being "normal" is highly overrated. I, personally, don't want to date anyone "normal". For me, "normal" is boring and dull. If you don't want to take the advice of anyone, why bother asking for advice? Like someone else said, if you don't want to change your way of thinking about things, then you're not going to get very far. I'd be happy to date another bariatric patient. I know they want to better themselves and actually like themselves enough to help themselves. You may not like the label, but for whatever the reason, you ARE a bariatric patient and whatever problem you had with food to get to this point IS a disease, just like alcoholism. Deal with that fact first. Then try finding someone to be with.

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I've been doing fine losing weight so I don't need to go to a support group. The only reason I would be going to one is try to score a date. I did go to one meeting right after my surgery. I was the only guy there and the women either had spouses/partners or were older than me but at that time I really wasn't there for dating. Doesn't seem right to the other people if I'm not there for the support but I will go to the next one my surgeon offers. I generally wouldn't recommend other alcoholics going with other alcoholics but I guess it's reasonable.

Well you know (and let me say this isn't an attack on you ok) you kinda come across as a bit of a negative kind of person. People in general don't gravitate towards that type of person. They want someone who is going to encourage them not bring em down! Try looking on the bright side! It sounds like you've got some great things going for you with your weightloss you've accomplished on your own and you are taking steps for some self care. The only reason people suggest these support groups is sometimes it helps being with people who have had the same struggle because you can relate and maybe meet someone. But yeah if your just going looking to get laid or something your going to be dissapointed. Like I said previously stop looking so hard for love and let it come to you.

SW: 328
CW: 256
GW: 150
Surgery date: January 12, 2017

Going to the support groups isn't to land a date. It's to get out and be social. Dating is not the only way to be social. Go make friends. Go get comfortable in public outings. Have fun. The goal isn't to meet someone to date, but it might happen anyway. When you're comfortable and happy with your social life it's a lot easier to attract someone who sees light coming out of you. Right now you are projecting this image (at least on this thread) as a sad, shut-in loner who hopes that internet magic will bring you a love life. Go love life instead, and the rest will either come or it won't, but at least you'll be out enjoying the world.