Don't look at me!!!!

[bandster_1007 1]

ok, this is something that my dh and i have talked about. i have a history of sexual abuse. some as a child, some as a teenager. i hide behind my fat, and i am afraid that being thin will attract men who hate and want to hurt me.

that simple, that is the way it is. it took me several years to be able to admit that, and now that i can admit it, it doesn't make it any better.

is that why i am sabotaging myself now by eating Cookies and not keeping a food journal. probably. i thought the lap band would FORCE me to get healthy. i was wrong. so here we go. maybe by posting this for the world to see, i will stop sabotaging myself, realize that i deserve to be beautiful and healthy, and start counting calories tomorrow.

probably not, but hey. it is probably the truth for many of us.

[Sades 4]

Many people who have eating disorders or addictive behaviour generally have been abused in some way in their life. I was also molested when I was about 10 or 11yo. It was a one off incident but I know it affected my life. I have similar issues about being too attractive. I also lost 2 siblings growing up (that was just the tip of the iceberg)... no wonder I found food such a comfort.

[Ginaki 0]

Angelsoul, i hate been the centre of attention, maybe because im so uncomfortable within myself and my self esteem was so low, u jusst wanna hide from the world..

im 3 weeks post op and have dropped 1 stone and i feel fantastic, people are starting to notice the weight coming off and when they comment it makes me feel like im achieving my goal and it builds my self esteem and i walk with my head high confidently cause for once when it comes to my weightloss im not a failure..Ive spent all morning at my friends and her mum and my other friends daughter has complimented me like a million times..it feels really good cause it makes u wanna keep going........

[annielkd 0]

One thing I HATE is that people will come up to me and say... you look so good... but, I know they knew me before and I still weigh more than I did then. So, I don't like them saying it. When I get down below the weight I was 10 years ago (when I started working here) THEN they can comment... then I WILL look great. I still have 60 pounds to lose!

As for an early comment by BooBoo Kitty.... the reason the marriage is falling apart is because SO many men expect women to sacrifice EVERYTHING for them... that when we start to take care of ourselves... they feel left out. My husband pretends to be supportive... but, he doesn't like me having to go to an appointment, or take the time to exercise... it takes away from what I would do for him. He's going to have to deal with it... I've been taking care of the house/kid/him too long. I need to take care of me now. When a person starts to take care of themselves, and that's different from what they used to do... that causes the conflice.

[PATCHELTON 0]

I am pre-op, hoping for January. I read your comments with interest. After I decided I didn't care who knew, I told anyone who might be curious. I have gotten comments suggesting that I put my food on a smaller plate (well-meaning but misguided). I live alone; who is to stop me from getting seconds? My cats? I haven't gotten too many comments but some are slipping through. Yesterday a coworker saw me eating lunch (tuna salad on whole grain from Panera Bread) and she had to remark on how many time she had noticed me eating healthy recently. She stopped herself before "If you ate that way all the time you wouldn't have a weight problem" could slip out. She previously told me my Curves workout was light exercise (I have added walking in a nearby park weather and daylight permitting-usually on the weekend). A new YMCA has opened nearby so I joined that, but I have to have a fitness orientation by appointment to learn how to use all the fancy equipment (appt is 11/25 at 4pm). I even had a post op bander (I go to the support group meetings now) tell me I didn't look heavy enough to qualify (I am 5'7" so it has farther to go, plus I have every co-morbidity except diabetes). I think some people feel threatened when you successfully lose weight because you are a constant reminder of what they should be doing, or if they are thin they think you will steal their boyfriend/husband. At age 62 that is the last thing on my mind. People are going to judge; it is human nature. I figure they will think what they want, and it's their problem. I refuse to make it mine.