Does it make sense that I can't lose weight because I'm afraid of the attention that it will draw to me? I am going to the lapband seminar tonight and was wondering if anyone else felt this too. One part of me desperately wants to lose the weight to walk faster, feel better, etc. while another part of me is saying..."People will start to notice you"...and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I want the attention, but I don't want the attention. Now that you are convinced that I've got some serious issues, am I the only one?

Has anyone that's got a lapband struggled with this? With being noticed??? I know I don't need to tell you how it feels to be noticed when you're 120 lbs over weight. Most days, I just want to blend in with everyone instead of sticking out in a crowd.

How do you feel now about being noticed. Did you always feel that way??

There was another post who said that they blend in more now than they did before. I think we think we're blending in, but really we're not because our size draws attention. Only it's negative attention that we get. Unfortunately.

I've been "warned" by co-workers not to change. I've heard stories that women lost the weight and then left their husbands/families for a new fling, etc. There is so much pyschological warping done when you're overweight, that I'm scared I'll change if I get thin. Will I be conceited? Will I be modest about it? Will I be scrutinized by coworkers? (There are a lot of politics where I am, and I'm worried about jealousy.)

Also, I'm worried about losing my best friend of 16 years. My food buddy, who is already starting to say negative things, even though she's trying to be supportive. It hurts her to see me lose weight. Ack! I'm rambling...but really I just wanted to let you know -I'm there. There a ton of things I'm scared of, and mainly because I've never been thin.

BUT. I want to get into a bathing suit next summer and swim with my daughter. I want to ride the ride at Six Flags that I was kicked off from because the seat restraint wouldn't fit (HOW AWFUL THAT DAY WAS!!!). I want to be healthy and normal, and that's pushing me past the fear.

I am excited and going to my first seminar tonight as well. My mind has already been made that the band is the way to go for me. Been looking into it for over a year now. Had a slight set back last year now I am back on track.

AS far as the attention issue: I was an pretty nice size 10 about 8 years ago. I think I have had more attention on me since I have been morbidly obese. Can she fit in the booth? Can she fit on the elevator? Does she need help getting up the stairs...? All of that mess. I hate it. I felt SO much more normal being a "normal" size. I am 120lbs over now and ready to get rid of it. Trust me..if it is a cat whistle or a compliment from a stranger, it's a WHOLE lot better than the attention we get for being very large people.

I've been "warned" by co-workers not to change. I've heard stories that women lost the weight and then left their husbands/families for a new fling, etc. There is so much pyschological warping done when you're overweight, that I'm scared I'll change if I get thin. Will I be conceited? Will I be modest about it? Will I be scrutinized by coworkers? (There are a lot of politics where I am, and I'm worried about jealousy.)

I think that women leave their men because the realize they deserve better. I don't think it is because they have changed that much, at least I don't think I have. But my marriage is falling apart before my eyes and there isn't a damn thing I can do! I have not changed I swear.

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. If you don't mind me asking, is it related to your weight loss? My BF is very supportive, but he has said once, "You're going to lose weight and leave me." I'm not sure he really believes that, but he may think that because he's overweight I'll want someone thinner. I don't think that will be the case, but what if he can't handle it? What if it's HIM that changes and wants a fat chick??

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. If you don't mind me asking, is it related to your weight loss? My BF is very supportive, but he has said once, "You're going to lose weight and leave me." I'm not sure he really believes that, but he may think that because he's overweight I'll want someone thinner. I don't think that will be the case, but what if he can't handle it? What if it's HIM that changes and wants a fat chick??

Iwould say yes and no. Have I changed no, but I am less willing to settle. I want to be happy now, and I derserve it. He hasn't changed, and I guess I expected surgery to make us better, it didn't. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy just like I didn't want to spend it fat....

I wasn't always fat, and then was fatter than most people here, so I've definitely seen both sides of it. I can tell you that people now treat me no differently than they did when I was at this point on my way up. BUT, I grew so accustomed to the -- not unpleasant treatment, just lack of anything -- from people, that it now hits a little harder. I wasn't really teased or mocked while MO, but I was ignored, and invisible except for the people who would do a double-take. And not in a good way.

I still feel like people are looking at me because I'm so fat they can't believe it. I know that's no longer the case, but it's a head game.

Only now when they're looking, they come up and talk to me, or compliment something I'm wearing, or ask how I did my hair. Before, they just looked, then looked away.

I know how you feel. I don't like the attention and even 3 weeks out of surgery people are commenting. Some who I don't feel we have the kind of relationship where it is appropriate. people seem to think they have a right to comment so I tend to not respond or change the subject. My husband has alos made comments about fearing that I will leave him. I tell him I love him and we have a pretty good marriage. I also think that if he were giving his all, he wouldn't be insecure. We have been through quite alot together and I think we willl make it through this also.

My best friend makes negative comments disguised as compliments. I am encouraging her to change her diet also. we ate together, had babies together and gained weight together. I hope we can lose it together.

You just have to feel confident in yourself and know the reason you are doing this is not for anyone else. Also know that the cosmetic effects are a bonus to the positive changes in your health.

Good luck!

319 start July 5, 2007

314 surgery 8/30/07

292 9/18/07

goal 275 12/1/07 (Birthday week)

Valstar,

How do you get through the best friend comments? I'm going through the same w/my bf and it gets worse every day. How do you handle the comments?

BooBoo,

It's not you. Well, it is and it isn't. You're changing for the best... you said yourself that you're not willing to settle and your husband hasn't seen that confidence and determination in you before. You've gained strength in your experience and I bet he's not sure if he can match your strength. Men have their insecurities but display them differently then women.

Does it make sense that I can't lose weight because I'm afraid of the attention that it will draw to me? I am going to the lapband seminar tonight and was wondering if anyone else felt this too. One part of me desperately wants to lose the weight to walk faster, feel better, etc. while another part of me is saying..."People will start to notice you"...and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I want the attention, but I don't want the attention. Now that you are convinced that I've got some serious issues, am I the only one?

Has anyone that's got a lapband struggled with this? With being noticed??? I know I don't need to tell you how it feels to be noticed when you're 120 lbs over weight. Most days, I just want to blend in with everyone instead of sticking out in a crowd.

How do you feel now about being noticed. Did you always feel that way??

I agree with you. It makes me uncomfortable if someone mentions my weight loss. I just kind of like to blend in with the crowd.

Someone mentioned in a post to this comment that they felt invisable. I have had 3 hip surgeries(replacements) on the same hip in less than a year. When I go to Walmart, I must use one of the electric carts, or else I cannot make the entire trip. Well, I must become invisible while using the cart. People expect me to get out of their way. Yet it is ok for them to park their cart in the middle of the isle while they study which can of Soup to get. They also try to out run me to a display and then park it, right in front of me. Then sometimes I think they think the reason I am using the cart is because I am fat and lazy. Oh, and if something is out of reach, forget it baby in getting someone to assist you. It just does not happen.

Did mean to rant and rave off the subject of the original comment. :angry

I was/am an attention hog period fat or thin. If i bought a new outfit that i thought i was cute in - I would strut my stuff - and am doing it now when I am able to come to work in something that hasn't fit in 4 yrs and when i get to goal - hell ya - i will be struting.... If you don't love yourself - no one else will.

I love the complements and when someone doesn't say - OMG you are looking great - it sort of hurts my feeling - I like the props that i am getting - infact one girl came up to me today and gave me a hug and told me i was looking good and she was proud of me (My office is one big family) - i a very outgoing person thin or fat. I have a strong sense of who i am ... But I do have age on my side and have used those years well (learning) to be a grown up (well most of the time)

As to staying in a relationship - because it's safe - fat or thin is not a healtly thing period - and that's just not a fat issue - i know women who are thin and stay - You and only you gotta do what's best for you.

I don't like people asking how much I have lost because when I say almost 50 lbs. I am admitting I need to lose a lot more that 50 lbs. I am stuck at the "50" pound stigma...I don't know why. I still have another "50" to lose...lol....

Go figure!

Also, I don't know if this sounds weird or not, but I have actually "felt" every pound lost. I don't know how to describe this. Like I had a good day and I know that pound will be lost tomorrow on the scale or even if I had a day where I felt kind of "deprived in a way" I know I have lost that pound again. Weird!!

Does it make sense that I can't lose weight because I'm afraid of the attention that it will draw to me? I am going to the lapband seminar tonight and was wondering if anyone else felt this too. One part of me desperately wants to lose the weight to walk faster, feel better, etc. while another part of me is saying..."People will start to notice you"...and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I want the attention, but I don't want the attention. Now that you are convinced that I've got some serious issues, am I the only one?

Has anyone that's got a lapband struggled with this? With being noticed??? I know I don't need to tell you how it feels to be noticed when you're 120 lbs over weight. Most days, I just want to blend in with everyone instead of sticking out in a crowd.

How do you feel now about being noticed. Did you always feel that way??

My experience was exactly the opposite.

I went from being the fat guy that EVERYBODY NOTICED to being "The invisable man".

I work for a surgeon who operates at the hospital I had the lap band done at. I didn't tell him I was having the surgery but of course he saw me in recovery and I told him. Now every time he sees me(even if its just 24 hours later)he'll yell "how much have you lost now?" Its getting to the point where I hide from him when he's here. The weight is coming off but its slow, my friends keep calling me skinny but I have a long way to go till I can be called that. I know they all are trying to make me feel good but I'd sure like to hide.

I don't like the attention I get I feel like I am the same person that I was when I was fat why all of the sudden I can be "really pretty". To be honest with you sometimes I feel like I liked my self bigger for some reason and I am very uncomfortable with the attention I have been getting because I still can't see myself thinner. It's a mind thing I guess but how can I make myself see me for what I am now?