Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Link in my sig to "The Easy Way Out" essay on my blog.

If it's someone I care about, I take the time to educate them and assure them that I didn't do this on a whim. If it's someone I don't care enough about to take that time, I shrug and say "agree to disagree" and walk on. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh I absolutely have encountered this kind of negativity. I work with a woman who has always treated me a certain way. Some days she can be nice, and other days she can be spiteful and bitter. When she found out I was having this surgery, she kept saying things like, "You'll just gain it right back. I know people who had it and gained it all back." "I've known people who have died from it!" "You can just diet, because if you really wanted to change, you would change without this surgery." What's so funny about this is, she is overweight and even more so than me! She's close to 350 pounds. I kept trying to tell her that it's not just about cravings; it's also about hunger. Our stomachs are stretched out from constant overeating. We can't diet because we are never filling the empty void that our stomachs have caused. So, the point of this surgery is to help make dieting a lot easier. But this woman didn't want to listen. She's so stubborn and negative. She has been on so many diets and she always fails within 1 week. Many people have told me that she's jealous and insecure, and that's why she says these things.

I dealt with it by telling her I'd rather not discuss it anymore. When I said that to her, she called her relative and gossiped about me. So that definitely proves that she is extremely insecure.

Edited by Hiraeth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

I told people who I thought would understand and be supportive. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. The rest of the world has no need to know. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. (do you see what i did there?) People who are negative don't get time with me to express their negativity. Life is too short to waste on people who bring me down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ignore Them

And PRAY AND ONLY Change if GOD TELLS YOU TO.

LET THIS BE BETWEEN YOU AND GOD BECAUSE ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT'S TRULY BEST FOR ALL OF.

And PRAY for those who are discouraging to you.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

I don't have a surgery date yet....going through all the classes and consults and tests. I'm am going through this with my husband. My grown kids are all for it. My husband tells me, "just diet, you're not that heavy". I'm 5'7" and 285 lbs. I'm the one with bad knees and other sketetal problems. So I totally understand. I haven't told my friends yet...I'll tell them after, they don't need to know.

Edited by kheter55

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All of my friends were extremely supportive. My mom and sister weren't very supportive at first, but only because they were worried. I reassured them that this surgery is safer than a gallbladder removal, which I've already had. Then I invited my mom to a support group, and it made her feel much better. Now that I've had my surgery, my mom and sister both want to have it done; especially since I've lost almost 60 pounds in just 4 months. The people who are negative towards you are usually either insecure, unhappy, or worried. I can't think of another reason why anyone would be negative about having a surgery to better your health.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've only told 1 person outside of my parents and parents in law.

She was my best friend and the person who actually brought WLS up one night, saying it was her plan if she couldn't lose about 100lbs by her next birthday.

I researched and went ahead and the surgery done. After deciding, I told her about it and she was pretty deadpan. She would only ask once a month or so how preop was going by text (she lives in Texas, I live in Canada).

Since surgery Oct 27 I barely hear from her and she hasn't asked yet how it's going. I did bring it up once and she ghosted me (just dropped the conversation and didn't text back) and it hasn't come up since.

This is really surprising to me, I was travelling to Texas once a week for work and we could talk about anything. Drinking is a big part of her life and it was basically what we always did when we got together. When I told her my preop plan meant no drinking because of liver swelling, and post op would probably be 2-3 months and maybe longer before drinking post op she said she wouldn't even consider WLS.

Edited by Hammer_Down

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Just stop eating"

"I know someone who died from WLS."

"Don't have surgery, you'll have loose skin (I already have that and I'm still pre-op)

"You don't need surgery, just exercise and eat organic foods (I receive food Stamps and osteoarthritis hurts plus organic is expensive!)

"You don't look that big" (Ummm, I weigh 313 lbs, smh)

"I like bigger women, you're fine just the way you are (like having hypertension, osteoarthritis and sleep apnea is ok tho have)

Some of the responses i've gotten were so bad, I cannot even post them here. Being 5'4" and 450 lbs is not sexy and I got flamed by many people for saying that. I sometimes shake my head and laugh because of the negative responses I get when I tell others about me getting WLS. Only people that are supporting me is my housemates, my cousins and mother (who got sleeved on 11/17/2016)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Wonder WomanNJ

You will encounter people that will try to talk you out of it. Some for genuine concern for your health. Some out of fear you will succeed. ;)

You don't need anyone's approval or validation for your decision to have surgery. Keep supportive people around you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Only told my husband (and you awesome strangers) and he is sworn to secrecy not because I'm ashamed but because my personal medical decisions are no one else's business and I have never explained any of my decisions to anyone anyway. I'm a totally private person though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Guys - thank you all for your input! I now realize that this isn't an issue isolated to my "friends". I love this support group! :)

Good luck to all of you getting sleeved this month! xoxo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Hiraeth I have someone like that at work too. I also have this lady who I KNOW has had bariatric surgery. I can just "tell". But she won't talk about it or admit it. I used to knock her for not being honest and just saying it but now I realize why she doesn't.

It's like Jenn said, some people are against it out of legitimate concern, others for fear you may succeed.

good luck to you!

xoxo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Omg! I am so happy I came across thread, I got the same reaction except from my one friend (she works in a hospital). When I finally came out. i got the " you don't need it" " i know so many people who failed", or the best and I love her she said " just do it the natural way" I told her I tried and 7 months of being stagnant I had enough"! Or my other bestie, she cried and said I don't want your attitude to change and I love you, but I know people who got it and they are just snobby. I told my head-shrink about it and she said think about it, that was their attitude prior. She re-assured me that I will be fine and I told my bestie the same thing.

I can't stand the fact that I can't talk about it with the people that are close to me because they feel I will fail. Well guess what! Now i am motivated to prove you wrong. Its amazing people are more worried about you failing, attitude instead of being there for you! How about being an advocate and making me stick with what I have learned and being an ass to me to make sure I am walking and staying on target! Ugh! The struggles! Not to mention I am probably going to have to have skin surgery.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Krestel

      Me: Hey Siri, Is it raining outside? (for my morning walks with the dogs)
      Siri: I don't think it's raining at the moment.
      Wet Dogs: Then why are we wet? This damn Siri person is more stupid than we are.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Billy Bob  »  lvidacovich

      Drink Muscle Milk. lol  Gt 60 to 90 gm quality Protein & daily vitimins, good sleep, walking & resistant ( weight /bands/squats ) You absolutely build muscle. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • SabrinaGoddess

      I received my nutrition book and checklist today! I am so very excited (and a tad bit scared too) Each day this is becoming a reality!
      I created a new blog post about how BRAVE we all are for doing this. Because I think we are! Most of us know the horrors of people calling us nasty names, saying we can't control ourselves, we are easy targets for people's verbal attacks! But I feel we are BRAVE because we are taking control over our lives and creating a new world of happiness.

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • SabrinaGoddess

      Today I scheduled my mental evaluation and my nutritionist appointments. Yes, we are moving along quiet nice.  December 9th will be here before you know it.
      I have informed my inner circle of family about the surgery and I will be keeping it in my CORE!

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • drac2you

      Well, it has been a while since I posted here, but my journey continues. As for breaking my stall, I was able to get down to 214 with the help of a friend via our Fitbit fitness trackers which has made me ecstatic! Since that has happened I was fortunate enough to have my insurance company approve a panniculectomy to remove the panniculus (THIS is the correct term, NOT pannus, see this reference: https://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/panniculus) that has been deviling me for years, even before I had bariatric surgery. It was to the point that it was hanging down far enough to cover my pubic area, covered half my thighs when I would sit, and also drooped between my legs which I could hardly manage to keep together when sitting. For any males that may read this, for a woman that is pretty uncivilized, not to mention, unladylike especially when wearing a dress or skirt - just looks slovenly to say the least. Despite the numerous skin issues I had the last couple of years, my health insurance insisted the procedure was cosmetic... 🤐 . I would guess no one that is saying so has been in the bariatric patient's shoes. The damn thing was just getting to be a self-esteem killer in addition to a medical nuisance requiring many visits to my primary care physician, and interfering with my mobility. Now, I realize there are folks with more egregious panniculus sag issues, but the fact that it interferes with mobility is an important consideration.
      One thing I have to say is that this surgery is drastically different from any other I've had. Things occur that are deemed routine, expected even, after a panniculectomy that would be downright unacceptable after any other procedure. This plastic surgery experience is definitely a learning experience that is still unfolding as I key this entry. For one thing, the swelling is a story all it's own, I had no clue my abdomen could get so large, so quickly, without causing my skin to just split open - it's crazy! So far, I'm pleased to have been able to get this procedure despite may be perceived as drawbacks, just to get the pendulous adipose tissue demon off of my person. Here are a few links to information about this procedure for anyone considering it in the future:
      https://www.yourbariatricsurgeryguide.com/panniculectomy/ https://www.healthline.com/health/panniculectomy https://www.yourplasticsurgeryguide.com/tummy-tuck/panniculectomy/ https://www.plasticsurgery.org/reconstructive-procedures/panniculectomy/safety https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499822/ I hope you find this information helpful. I will provide updates periodically on my progress of this surgical recovery. Have a wonderful day! 
      · 2 replies
      1. Panda333

        Thank you and good luck to you!

      2. SabrinaGoddess

        WOW, thank you for sharing all this with us!

  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×