Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Link in my sig to "The Easy Way Out" essay on my blog.

If it's someone I care about, I take the time to educate them and assure them that I didn't do this on a whim. If it's someone I don't care enough about to take that time, I shrug and say "agree to disagree" and walk on. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh I absolutely have encountered this kind of negativity. I work with a woman who has always treated me a certain way. Some days she can be nice, and other days she can be spiteful and bitter. When she found out I was having this surgery, she kept saying things like, "You'll just gain it right back. I know people who had it and gained it all back." "I've known people who have died from it!" "You can just diet, because if you really wanted to change, you would change without this surgery." What's so funny about this is, she is overweight and even more so than me! She's close to 350 pounds. I kept trying to tell her that it's not just about cravings; it's also about hunger. Our stomachs are stretched out from constant overeating. We can't diet because we are never filling the empty void that our stomachs have caused. So, the point of this surgery is to help make dieting a lot easier. But this woman didn't want to listen. She's so stubborn and negative. She has been on so many diets and she always fails within 1 week. Many people have told me that she's jealous and insecure, and that's why she says these things.

I dealt with it by telling her I'd rather not discuss it anymore. When I said that to her, she called her relative and gossiped about me. So that definitely proves that she is extremely insecure.

Edited by Hiraeth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

I told people who I thought would understand and be supportive. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. The rest of the world has no need to know. Some of those are friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. (do you see what i did there?) People who are negative don't get time with me to express their negativity. Life is too short to waste on people who bring me down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ignore Them

And PRAY AND ONLY Change if GOD TELLS YOU TO.

LET THIS BE BETWEEN YOU AND GOD BECAUSE ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT'S TRULY BEST FOR ALL OF.

And PRAY for those who are discouraging to you.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

So - I am 13 days pre-surgery and I'm super excited! However, I am encountering a lot negative people when I tell them about my plans for surgery. "ohhh you don't need that"; "why don't you just diet"; "people have died doing that you know!?"

I am usually an open book and had no intentions of keeping my surgery a secret however, I now I'm second-guessing myself. Anyone else encountering the insensitive side of others? How are you dealing?

Dieing from this is less likely than dieing while driving to work

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

I don't have a surgery date yet....going through all the classes and consults and tests. I'm am going through this with my husband. My grown kids are all for it. My husband tells me, "just diet, you're not that heavy". I'm 5'7" and 285 lbs. I'm the one with bad knees and other sketetal problems. So I totally understand. I haven't told my friends yet...I'll tell them after, they don't need to know.

Edited by kheter55

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All of my friends were extremely supportive. My mom and sister weren't very supportive at first, but only because they were worried. I reassured them that this surgery is safer than a gallbladder removal, which I've already had. Then I invited my mom to a support group, and it made her feel much better. Now that I've had my surgery, my mom and sister both want to have it done; especially since I've lost almost 60 pounds in just 4 months. The people who are negative towards you are usually either insecure, unhappy, or worried. I can't think of another reason why anyone would be negative about having a surgery to better your health.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've only told 1 person outside of my parents and parents in law.

She was my best friend and the person who actually brought WLS up one night, saying it was her plan if she couldn't lose about 100lbs by her next birthday.

I researched and went ahead and the surgery done. After deciding, I told her about it and she was pretty deadpan. She would only ask once a month or so how preop was going by text (she lives in Texas, I live in Canada).

Since surgery Oct 27 I barely hear from her and she hasn't asked yet how it's going. I did bring it up once and she ghosted me (just dropped the conversation and didn't text back) and it hasn't come up since.

This is really surprising to me, I was travelling to Texas once a week for work and we could talk about anything. Drinking is a big part of her life and it was basically what we always did when we got together. When I told her my preop plan meant no drinking because of liver swelling, and post op would probably be 2-3 months and maybe longer before drinking post op she said she wouldn't even consider WLS.

Edited by Hammer_Down

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Just stop eating"

"I know someone who died from WLS."

"Don't have surgery, you'll have loose skin (I already have that and I'm still pre-op)

"You don't need surgery, just exercise and eat organic foods (I receive food Stamps and osteoarthritis hurts plus organic is expensive!)

"You don't look that big" (Ummm, I weigh 313 lbs, smh)

"I like bigger women, you're fine just the way you are (like having hypertension, osteoarthritis and sleep apnea is ok tho have)

Some of the responses i've gotten were so bad, I cannot even post them here. Being 5'4" and 450 lbs is not sexy and I got flamed by many people for saying that. I sometimes shake my head and laugh because of the negative responses I get when I tell others about me getting WLS. Only people that are supporting me is my housemates, my cousins and mother (who got sleeved on 11/17/2016)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Wonder WomanNJ

You will encounter people that will try to talk you out of it. Some for genuine concern for your health. Some out of fear you will succeed. ;)

You don't need anyone's approval or validation for your decision to have surgery. Keep supportive people around you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Only told my husband (and you awesome strangers) and he is sworn to secrecy not because I'm ashamed but because my personal medical decisions are no one else's business and I have never explained any of my decisions to anyone anyway. I'm a totally private person though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Guys - thank you all for your input! I now realize that this isn't an issue isolated to my "friends". I love this support group! :)

Good luck to all of you getting sleeved this month! xoxo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Hiraeth I have someone like that at work too. I also have this lady who I KNOW has had bariatric surgery. I can just "tell". But she won't talk about it or admit it. I used to knock her for not being honest and just saying it but now I realize why she doesn't.

It's like Jenn said, some people are against it out of legitimate concern, others for fear you may succeed.

good luck to you!

xoxo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Omg! I am so happy I came across thread, I got the same reaction except from my one friend (she works in a hospital). When I finally came out. i got the " you don't need it" " i know so many people who failed", or the best and I love her she said " just do it the natural way" I told her I tried and 7 months of being stagnant I had enough"! Or my other bestie, she cried and said I don't want your attitude to change and I love you, but I know people who got it and they are just snobby. I told my head-shrink about it and she said think about it, that was their attitude prior. She re-assured me that I will be fine and I told my bestie the same thing.

I can't stand the fact that I can't talk about it with the people that are close to me because they feel I will fail. Well guess what! Now i am motivated to prove you wrong. Its amazing people are more worried about you failing, attitude instead of being there for you! How about being an advocate and making me stick with what I have learned and being an ass to me to make sure I am walking and staying on target! Ugh! The struggles! Not to mention I am probably going to have to have skin surgery.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×