So Humiliated

[clevergirl 41]

We live in a college town and this year, we are hosting and exchange student from France.

Tonight at the university they are doing an evening of French poetry, songs and theatre.

I have my second visit with the nutritionist on Monday. No date for surgery.

I am not going to this event that I really want to go to with my family because the seats in this particular theater are too small.

I'm so humiliated.

Why in the hell must I wait?!? Isn't 30 years of being fat enough.

:sobbing:

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[Armygalbonnie 643]

But you are closer than you realize. I had to wait 3 months, and it flew by. It also gave me time to plan, practice and get to know the changes that are going to be a part of the rest of my life. This is a life journey! I don't like cliches' but the saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" truly relates to this process. Take this time of waiting to plan and set yourself up for future success.

[Hammer_Down 631]

That must be really tough. Is there no way they could accommodate you with a chair brought into the theatre? Obviously not ideal, but better than being totally left out.

I am not so large that I have ever had this happen, but my mother in law is very big. When we go to restaurants together, we often have to specify which table, as the booths are a little small for her in many places. She's been overweight for many years, but I can always see how embarrassed she feels to have to point it out.

Try to focus on your path ahead and not the set backs along the way. Easier said than done, I know.

[blizair09 3,250]

Why don't you get started now? My six month insurance-required pre-op diet program helped me to completely re-establish my relationship with food and made post-op life tremendously easier (and I lost almost 100 pounds to boot!).

I will always be thankful for my insurance having that requirement.

Good luck!

[AvaFern 3,516]

I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but maybe not alone. Several years ago when I was at my highest weight, my little sister came to visit me. At the time she was 20-ish and while she is brilliant and beautiful and thoughtful and kind, she had a thyroid issue when she was younger and has never been able to lose weight. At the time though, I was around my top weight of 237ish, so I had considered the places we would go because I knew that both of us needed to consider our size. Anyway, we went to a theater where I had gotten us prime seats in the very front row of the balcony. In the first few minutes, during an oddly quiet part, my sister's chair broke. It made this giant crack and everyone around us heard it. Thankfully there were extra seats so I just moved over one and she just moved over one and I then wrote a ripping letter to the theater about their crappy seats, but I remember how embarrassed I was for her and that I thought, well that could have been my chair. I had both tickets and we hadn't really picked who would sit where, so it could have easily been me. Four months later I was going into the sleeve procedure and it is now 38 months post-op. I no longer have to worry about whether I will fit into a chair and now my biggest problem is the fact that my butt is bony and hard chairs are miserable to sit in. I don't mind though, because I remember how it felt to worry about chair sizes and I am grateful that a sore butt is now the only concern I have.

I'm so very sorry you're having such a bad day, but in the end, even though now is a long, frustrating wait, soon enough you will realize that it was worth it. Time passes no matter what you do- right now you are using that time in the best possible way and moving toward better health. Think where you will be this time next year, or the year after that, or like me, 3 years and beyond. This time three years ago I was finally starting to feel normal again after surgery (my surgery was in Sep 2013), I was back at the gym, and I was closing in on around 205-ish from 237. This time two years ago I was complaining that I was stuck at 145 and I had finished 1 of 3 plastics procedures. This time last year I was finished with all three plastics procedures and my biggest concern about my appearance was the fact that I had gained a little weight at Halloween and my poor "fat" self was 134 pounds. This year I'm 132 pounds right now, 2 pounds above where I prefer to be, but I haven't looked in the mirror and thought I was fat for quite some time. All of the hurt and tears and humiliation from those past years starts to fade and all the misery before and after surgery tends to be forgotten. In the end, the journey you are starting is exponentially worth the time it takes to get to the destination. This is just a little blip on the rest of the radar of your life, even though now it feels terrible.

Screw those stupid chairs...sit on your couch and binge watch a tv show you've been thinking about. This time next year, whether or not you fit in the chairs at that theater will be the last thing on your mind.

[PorkChopExpress 831]

That stuff sucks, I know it. I have had to turn down invitations to go to sporting events because the seats are too narrow for me to even sit down in. Probably not right now, but a couple of months ago they certainly were. Now, I'd probably be able to SQUEEZE into them...but I'd still be really uncomfortable.

Someone asked a couple weeks ago what was the number one thing people were looking forward to about losing weight. My answer was simple - not having to think about my weight/size anymore. Considerations like "Will I fit" will not even exist, anymore. It's going to be so liberating.

You're on the road, the time is coming...you've already taken the biggest step in deciding to do it, so just focus and stay dedicated to your process, you'll get there

[_Kate_ 2,224]

@AvaFern such a good heartfelt and supportive post !!! :D

[StephanieS0208 39]

I know how you feel. I went to an event about 2 weeks before surgery. We sat front row at a local theater play and I felt so huge. I was embarrassed and thought everyone thinks I'm too fat to sit here.

I will say that frustrations change. I'm a week post op. It gets better but as your priorities change, you find that there are new frustrations. For example, today I can smell EVERYTHING which seems ok until you realize you smell putrid smells and sweet smells are cloyingly sweet (for me)

Go to the show if you want to go. Maybe you can say that the chairs hurt your back and they can provide accommodations. But if not, it's all good. But know it gets better

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[shedo82773 1,236]

It HURTS I know. It feels like we are being punished!! Look inside of yourself and know THAT THIS TOO WILL PASS!! Look to your bright future. Soon you will be there sitting in all of your glory. I know that people are becoming even more aware of the size of people. Like a few years ago every Dr office had the little tight SOB'S not even a very small person fit in them. Awareness!! You now see chairs to fit overweight peeps. I know your heart is breaking, and I am so sorry!! Just hold tight soon you will be taking your life back!! You will be stronger for this. Just maybe you will fight for someone else's chairs that don't fit!! I know how you feel I missed lots of things, I hated going into a room and feeling like I was the fattest person in the room, I missed out on so many school activities for my children because I had let myself become the typical FAT ONE!! YOU HAVE GOT THIS!! You will make it and become the person you want to be. As far as asking for a chair that isn't like everyone I get it I wouldn't ask either. But it is so sad that you are so heartbroken. Hold on It will get better. Maybe you aren't a huggy peeps but here is a huge HUG from someone who knows your pain!!!

[clevergirl 41]

Thanks everyone. I stayed home and cried and went to bed early.

I'm logging my food and losing weight before the surgery; just wish it didn't take so long.

I know next year it will be better but our exchange student is here now and I'm missing out on her experience.

I'm pissed that I didn't do this sooner. I'm pissed because I let myself get so heavy. I'm just pissed......actually I'm ok now.....until the next thing I miss because I'm tubby.

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[MaryCatherine 173]

​My bariatric clinic has huge chairs. During one of my pre-op meetings I suggested that we all make an agreement that the same time the next year, we would sit two to a chair.

There were ten of us and a year later we easily fit into five chairs.