Just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading in the Pre-/Post-Op Sleeve forums and I'm amazed by what people will still, even as they're undertaking MAJOR SURGERY, say to justify their behavior.

There are people about to have most of their stomach removed who say "I don't have a problem with food". Say what?? I'm pretty sure the Fat Fairy didn't put all this weight on any of us, right? "I couldn't stop myself". Yes, you could have...you DIDN'T. "Everyone does it". No, they don't. YOU did.

As I'm typing this out, it's clear that I'm fed up with the lack of ownership of behavior. It's odd to watch fat people trying to float the same justifications here that they've used for years with other people. Walking into a group of fat people and saying "I don't have a problem with food" is pretty ridiculous...that dog just won't hunt here. If you can't be honest with yourself and a group of people much like yourself, how can you succeed with WLS? The non-ownership of our own actions and capabilities is what got many (most?) of us to where we are and it kills me that there are people STILL wallowing in the 'I don't control myself' pool who are getting WLS. What a waste.

Just so we're clear, the word "judgemental" gets thrown around a lot on this forum. You can feel judged by someone, even if they weren't being judgemental and that is your own issue. Not being able to accept the truth.

Judgmental: "I'm a much better person than you, and always will be because I didn't cheat on my pre-op diet. Failures like you don't deserve this wonderful opportunity to change their lives for the better because you're just going to waste it anyway."

Enabling: "I know, I cheated on my pre-op diet too and I was fine so I wouldn't worry about it! It's just a suggested diet anyway and you know what your body needs more than some doctor! You got this girl!"

Bullying: "Why are you so stupid? Morons like you should be taken out of the gene pool, since you obviously took a shallow dive to begin with. If I was there right now I'd seriously whoop you because I can't stand people who come around here looking for sympathy because they are screw ups."

Supportive: "I can appreciate that this is really hard, because I went through it myself 2 years ago. The temptations don't go away, you will probably always struggle some. But it gets easier the longer you make the right choices. I think you really need to consider why you had this surgery if you aren't making 100% efforts to follow your doctor's guidelines."

THIS!!!!

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^ hah! My phone randomly decided to comment!

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Edited November 8, 20169 yr by thatmeanone

The thing is it is not anyone's place to judge other people. Lots of anger here. Its really none of your business unless you are asked for advice. Because speaking of honesty I do not believe half the people when they say they do not cheat or mess up and brag about how perfect they are. Lies. 60% of people mess up because we are human and we have issues with food. And every site i have read says do not become obsessive with never having a grain of sugar or you will burn out and regain. Stop pushing your agenda on other people. If they fail it is on them. If they ask for your help go ahead. This new America where everyone attacks everyone else and talks about how perfect they are makes me sick. Positive encouragement is all you can do. I have been only able to eat very small calories and havnt lost weight yet as I am two weeks out. I have to believe in the system. But people have no idea why other people get the surgery. Worry about your own self! This mean kid online mentality is cowardly and ridiculous.

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Where do you get that 60% figure? And even if it's true that leaves 40% who stuck to their plan (I'm another that finds the word "cheat" inaccurate, it's a choice to eat off plan) so why do you not believe that someone is part of that 40%?

I think you see anger where none exists. See above post that delineates bullying vs straight talk. No anger here.

I did stick to my plan. In part thanks to a Vitamin shoppe employee who basically told me to suck it up when I was moaning about not being able to "tolerate" the clear Protein. She said it's a week of your life, it doesn't taste good, suck it up and do it anyway.

If she hadn't said that to me I might not have stuck to my plan. Some of us thrive with the straight talk. If you tell us we can't do that, those people will flounder. You can have your positive encouragement posts and threads if that's how you thrive.... but you can't say we can't have the other. People have different needs!

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^ hah! My phone randomly decided to comment!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Ha, I thought maybe you had a toddler playing with your phone

^ hah! My phone randomly decided to comment!

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Ha, I thought maybe you had a toddler playing with your phone

Apparently in this case I was the toddler

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So.. "Rants and raves".. THIS is were the sane post WLS people hang out!

@@summerset I guess I'd ask you then: if coming here to vent because of the inundation of 'awww, sweetie, you can't control yourself, go ahead and have that moon pie then do better tomorrow' posts isn't appropriate, then what is? What do you see this section being designed for?

I think there is something in between "cuddling" and "a kick in the ass".

I'm neither a cuddling person but I'm also not a fan of this so called "tough love" (which is more often than not simply just plain rude). I'll never understand people who want to be yelled at instead of receiving factual criticism. I just don't get it.

---

Not directed at a certain user:

As for myself: I don't want to be cuddled but I also don't want a swift kick to my back. Give me factual criticism and keep sarcasm and whatnot to yourself!

So if someone holds the opinion that he/she needs to give me some "tough love": Just F*** Off! If you're not able to voice your opinion in a civilized kind of way, just go away. Your "advice" might not be as unique and special as you think and I'm sure there is someone who's able to voice the exactly same advice in a more factual manner.

@@summerset I guess I'd ask you then: if coming here to vent because of the inundation of 'awww, sweetie, you can't control yourself, go ahead and have that moon pie then do better tomorrow' posts isn't appropriate, then what is? What do you see this section being designed for?

I think there is something in between "cuddling" and "a kick in the ass".

I'm neither a cuddling person but I'm also not a fan of this so called "tough love" (which is more often than not simply just plain rude). I'll never understand people who want to be yelled at instead of receiving factual criticism. I just don't get it.

---

Not directed at a certain user:

As for myself: I don't want to be cuddled but I also don't want a swift kick to my back. Give me factual criticism and keep sarcasm and whatnot to yourself!

So if someone holds the opinion that he/she needs to give me some "tough love": Just F*** Off! If you're not able to voice your opinion in a civilized kind of way, just go away. Your "advice" might not be as unique and special as you think and I'm sure there is someone who's able to voice the exactly same advice in a more factual manner.

I think you've lost sight of where this post is...it's in Rants and Raves. And I think telling people to fuck off while demanding civility isn't a very sound piece of (high) ground to stand on, for anyone. Again, thus the function of a place where we can blow off a bit of steam while still being civilized out in the rest of BP.

@@summerset I guess I'd ask you then: if coming here to vent because of the inundation of 'awww, sweetie, you can't control yourself, go ahead and have that moon pie then do better tomorrow' posts isn't appropriate, then what is? What do you see this section being designed for?

I think there is something in between "cuddling" and "a kick in the ass".

I'm neither a cuddling person but I'm also not a fan of this so called "tough love" (which is more often than not simply just plain rude). I'll never understand people who want to be yelled at instead of receiving factual criticism. I just don't get it.

---

Not directed at a certain user:

As for myself: I don't want to be cuddled but I also don't want a swift kick to my back. Give me factual criticism and keep sarcasm and whatnot to yourself!

So if someone holds the opinion that he/she needs to give me some "tough love": Just F*** Off! If you're not able to voice your opinion in a civilized kind of way, just go away. Your "advice" might not be as unique and special as you think and I'm sure there is someone who's able to voice the exactly same advice in a more factual manner.

Good thing there are all types of advice here for all types of listeners.

Not sure I would have been as successful as I've been without some swift kicks in the pants, so I'm glad they exist on here.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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All I am going to say on this is... make sure that when you come back to this topic at 2 yrs, 3yrs, 4 yrs out that you aren't embarrassed by the younger you. There are a lot of things I said/posted/assumed/postulated and I honestly can't go back and read those posts. I KNEW SO MUCH and i was SO JUDGEMENTAL about other people and I was NEVER GOING TO DO some of the things I do, to this day.

Be very careful... even if what you're saying is 'approved and on plan', it's possible to come across as a blowhard who has no idea what the Sleeved Life is like. it's nearly impossible to explain, it's different every day for every person and... you just never know what caveats you'll bow to when you're further down the road.

I will be 4 yrs out in Dec, have met a lot of people on this journey. Most of us shut the hell up after awhile, because you just never know.

I think you've lost sight of where this post is...it's in Rants and Raves. And I think telling people to f**k off while demanding civility isn't a very sound piece of (high) ground to stand on, for anyone.

Yes, I knew that would cause some disagreement and I'm ok with that but I thought "when in Rome do like the Romans do". Hey, it's "rants and raves", so it's ok - right?

But I'm with you - it's not ok to use that kind of language and I apologize for it.

@@summerset don't you know by now it only ok to Rant and Rave when you agree with them..... you see. First time you have an opinion other than theirs.... you are a bad stupid person that knows nothing.... Lord forbid if you throw any dirt back at them.... then they climb on their soap box and point out to everyone what a horrible person you are...

there's a time for cuddling and a time not too.... but some since of couth needs to be used.

I do understand your anger and wanting to lash out at them and saying what you said... Trust.. Notice they all got to say what they wanted, but you said the F word.... and all hell has broken lose...

@@summerset don't you know by now it only ok to Rant and Rave when you agree with them..... you see. First time you have an opinion other than theirs.... you are a bad stupid person that knows nothing....

I noticed that very early.

I do understand your anger and wanting to lash out at them and saying what you said... Trust.. Notice they all got to say what they wanted, but you said the F word.... and all hell has broken lose...

I didn't tell anybody in particular to do you-know-what. See it as a more general statement: "If you plan on giving me your sarcasm and/or venom, keep it to yourself".

When looking at the general tone of numerous posting on here, I'm surprised it's seen as a big deal. People throw around words like "bitch", calling other users "stupid" and "idiots", but this is supposed to be a problem?? What about these big-girl-panties, btw? Are they hiding in the closet now?

But maybe what comes at play here is what you said above: everything is alright, unless you disagree with certain people.

@@summerset don't you know by now it only ok to Rant and Rave when you agree with them..... you see. First time you have an opinion other than theirs.... you are a bad stupid person that knows nothing.... Lord forbid if you throw any dirt back at them.... then they climb on their soap box and point out to everyone what a horrible person you are...

there's a time for cuddling and a time not too.... but some since of couth needs to be used.

I do understand your anger and wanting to lash out at them and saying what you said... Trust.. Notice they all got to say what they wanted, but you said the F word.... and all hell has broken lose...

I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me. I do have issue with name calling and telling people to "f" off.

Actually, I have no problem with that either. It's very telling about one's character when they have to resort to such behavior.

It's a shame some people can't discuss, debate, diasagree without stooping to such levels.

WoW..... You of all people have a problem with Name calling... Pot meet Kettle.... I'm not going to say you do it all the time... but, you do it a lot. Coming here for the past 7 years there's always a few that get on their soap box. And everything is fine in their world till some one kick the soap box from under them. then, it... omg did she/he just say that horrible word... what a horrible person they are...They have no character.

I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me. I do have issue with name calling and telling people to "f" off.

Actually, I have no problem with that either. It's very telling about one's character when they have to resort to such behavior.

It's a shame some people can't discuss, debate, diasagree without stooping to such levels.

It is a shame that people can't discuss, debate and disagree without stooping to such levels.... You should remember that... next time someone has an opinion other than your own......... Like i said .... sometimes we need to agree to disagree.... Remember this is a public forum and not let it take over our lives.

But the most important thing to remember is that everyday some new person comes to this site looking for help and guidance... asking question and hoping that someone has had a similar issues that can shine some light for them.... I think we should all remember where we were when we all started this journey... all the questions we asked... We, as the Vets of this forum need to give help when we can... and if our voice isn't going to help, then move on to the next post and try and help them....