Just spent an hour of my life I'll never get back reading in the Pre-/Post-Op Sleeve forums and I'm amazed by what people will still, even as they're undertaking MAJOR SURGERY, say to justify their behavior.

There are people about to have most of their stomach removed who say "I don't have a problem with food". Say what?? I'm pretty sure the Fat Fairy didn't put all this weight on any of us, right? "I couldn't stop myself". Yes, you could have...you DIDN'T. "Everyone does it". No, they don't. YOU did.

As I'm typing this out, it's clear that I'm fed up with the lack of ownership of behavior. It's odd to watch fat people trying to float the same justifications here that they've used for years with other people. Walking into a group of fat people and saying "I don't have a problem with food" is pretty ridiculous...that dog just won't hunt here. If you can't be honest with yourself and a group of people much like yourself, how can you succeed with WLS? The non-ownership of our own actions and capabilities is what got many (most?) of us to where we are and it kills me that there are people STILL wallowing in the 'I don't control myself' pool who are getting WLS. What a waste.

@@Hammer_DownWe don't need people like you on these forums. Now take your no nonsense, common sense, perfectly sane posts and be gone! You're stinking up the joint!

Sorry, whatever was I thinking?

So, can I eat chicken wings and have beer 8 days post op?

Blunt but still not judgmental: No, I didn't "cheat" on my pre or post op diet. I'd suggest you check with your surgeon before you (insert request for validation).

Around these parts judgmental seems to equal disagreeing. Having a different point of view or opinion doesn't make one a monster. True story.

Definitely. We all communicate ideas in our way, and as long as we get our point across, it's effective communication.

I am a fairly empathetic person. So I try to imagine walking a mile in someone else's shoes to level with them.

Hey, I struggled financially after graduating from university. I don't have to imagine how frustrating and challenging that battle is, because I fought it.

I lost and regained 100lbs in the past 5 years, so I don't have to dig very deep to remember the intense shame, disgust and disappointment I felt when I see people struggling with regain.

What I don't, cannot, WILL NOT do is accept self pitying "woe is me" attitudes. Despite my things not always turning out the way I might like, I refuse to feel sorry for myself. And I will not offer sympathy to people who put themselves in situations or set themselves up for failure and come online fidhibgvfir compliments or sympathy,

It IS hard. So do either something about it, or quit. But don't expect me to feel sorry for you.

@@frananp03 said:

"We have a choice...it may not be an easy choice but its still a choice. We have an opportunity to change after WLS and we should seize it to make better choices. Not ruin it by continuing with the same bad behavior."

Well said. Pretty much sums up this whole discussion. I might just use this as my tagline!!

Kel you can use it anytime my kids hate it though because it makes them reaponsible for their actions!!

It seems to me to be the best opportunity of my life to make some deep changes.

I can't go back to feeling less than.

Everyday I try

Most days work well

Some don't. I get back off the derailed train and start again. For years. I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Why does anybody get bent out of shape for what strangers on a forum do?

Why does anybody get bent out of shape for what strangers on a forum do?

Right?

@@ShelterDog64 I am glad you raved and ranted because I have been feeling the same. This thread and postings have not been a waste of my time to read this morning!

I'll just add that in addition to the folks that don't want to own their choices and / or make poor ones, these folks don't even consider the great risks they put themselves in. Why in the world someone would take a chance of ending up in the hospital, having another surgery, or maybe dying for chicken, beer, etc is beyond my imagination.

@@ShelterDog64 I am glad you raved and ranted because I have been feeling the same. This thread and postings have not been a waste of my time to read this morning!

I'll just add that in addition to the folks that don't want to own their choices and / or make poor ones, these folks don't even consider the great risks they put themselves in. Why in the world someone would take a chance of ending up in the hospital, having another surgery, or maybe dying for chicken, beer, etc is beyond my imagination.

I ran into my surgeon at a social event last night and he remarked that I wasn't eating off plan even at a cocktail event, which led the discussion to this very topic. He told me that he turns away probably 30% of the people who enter our bariatric pathway, one reason being that they never seem to grasp the severity of the surgery and he literally doesn't trust that they'll not injure themselves post-op. I was flabbergasted, then I thought of this board and the large percentage of people who've either eaten fried chicken at one week or who are in the 'oh, everyone cheats' group coddling the fried chicken eaters.

@@ShelterDog64 I am glad you raved and ranted because I have been feeling the same. This thread and postings have not been a waste of my time to read this morning!

I'll just add that in addition to the folks that don't want to own their choices and / or make poor ones, these folks don't even consider the great risks they put themselves in. Why in the world someone would take a chance of ending up in the hospital, having another surgery, or maybe dying for chicken, beer, etc is beyond my imagination.

I ran into my surgeon at a social event last night and he remarked that I wasn't eating off plan even at a cocktail event, which led the discussion to this very topic. He told me that he turns away probably 30% of the people who enter our bariatric pathway, one reason being that they never seem to grasp the severity of the surgery and he literally doesn't trust that they'll not injure themselves post-op. I was flabbergasted, then I thought of this board and the large percentage of people who've either eaten fried chicken at one week or who are in the 'oh, everyone cheats' group coddling the fried chicken eaters.

I am flabbergasted too! I guess there are a lot of people still looking for a way to magically lose weight. With a true desire to change our lives for the better, it is easier to stay on plan even in social settings. I went to dinner at a friends home last week and she served homemade lasagna and plated the food. So when we were called to the table and I saw my plate, my mind immediately thought what do I do with this huge serving of yummy lasagna! Well, I sat down, added salad to my plate, passed on the garlic bread and began to eat the meat and cheese layered between the Pasta. Not one person noticed or cared because the conversation was flowing. The hostess knew I had had surgery but didn't want me to feel any different and made my plate the same as the others. I found a way to make it work for me and that is something everyone can do. Just like you at the cocktail party.

We went to a dinner last Saturday with some friends that don't know about my surgery. They need a Peruvian dish that had chicken and walnuts in some sort of a paste that was over rice. It was no big deal that all I ate was the chicken and walnut combo. Nobody said a thing about me not eating the rice.

You can be amazed what you can pick through and lightly eat and others don't notice if you engage and move food around. Don't finish some courses. Get up and help clear or use the restroom. Lots of tactics we know!!

THERE WAS A POST HERE LAST NIGHT ABOUT sleeve "failure" after lap band "failure". She lost weight after both surgeries and (insert a long list of "reasons" ) gained it all back. How is that a "lap and "failure" or sleeve "failure"? The person is thinking of a third surgery.... I can't believe an ethical doctor would agree to this but she will likely get another surgery and in two years an ounce that it has also "failed".

Makes me want to scream.

@@Hammer_DownWe don't need people like you on these forums. Now take your no nonsense, common sense, perfectly sane posts and be gone! You're stinking up the joint!

Sorry, whatever was I thinking?

You can't have beer, have vodka instead.

So, can I eat chicken wings and have beer 8 days post op?

You know when I see things like people wanting to know if they can have something off their program and then they get sick I often think WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!! Why do you think DR.'s have guidelines. Now I'm not perfect but I can guarantee you nothing went past my lips that was not in the guidelines of my Dr. But the farther out I got the easier it got to try some things. I was told by my Surgeon and Nutritionist that in time there are no forbidden foods. But...we all need to eat in MODERATION!!! Now I'm not saying this works for everyone...it works for me. Let's all play nice!! I'm not saying to coddle people, but remember we are all here for supporting each other.

@@ShelterDog64,

Thanks for your thoughts on this. It is always upsetting when weight loss surgery patients are clearly not ready to take the plunge or should not have taken the plunge because they are clearly not ready: for example, they are asking when is the soonest they can go back to their old eating habits and foods, or, as you pointed out, do not take responsibility for their own situations.

I hope that anyone who is considering WLS or who has it does take responsibility for their actions and for their circumstances. A lot of us who struggle with obesity definitely do have harder paths than some others: there may be some genetic problems, and we often have family habits that are not healthy, and we also have emotional issues and use food for comfort. Still, we need to accept those as part of our lives, and work to overcome them.

On the positive side…I doubt if the time you spent on here was a waste. You can use it as an opportunity to look inside yourself and make sure you are taking all the steps you know need to be taken to keep yourself on the losing track like you’re on now – congratulations on your accomplishments so far!