Fears that be...

[Daisy Day 91]

I am 35 days until surgery and I am not afraid of the surgery, I'm not afraid of the physical pain, I am not afraid the impact on my marriage.

My fears are becoming seen, I have gotten used to being invisible, being ignored has been a way of life. The majority of my adult life I have been the girl with a pretty face, I have been passed over for jobs, I have been excluded. I have been that funny girl who nobody wants wants to be seen with and yet everyone wants to talk about. I fear the change.

I have done many diets over the years and since I am here we all know how they have turned out. I fear failure but it is also the fear of failure that keeps me pushing ahead.

I fear living in a body that I won't recognize, I'm excited about at the same time, I see so many before and after photos and I'm incredibly inspired by them. I'm ready for it to be my turn, I'm ready to be my surgeons next successful patient, I'm ready to give hope to the ones who follow in my footsteps....all the while is scares the heck out of me.

This opportunity seems to good to be true, it is my chance and fresh start for a healthy future, I'm ready for the hard work and I have the determination, all the change is just scary. I fear that in a year or two I will look back at my fat life and I will pity my former self, I will realize how much I have missed out on.

I know I can't be the only with similar thoughts or fears.

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Edited October 19, 2016 by Vipervixen

[PorkChopExpress 831]

Well, the change doesn't happen overnight. It's faster than if you tried to do it on your own, but it's still gradual. You have time to adjust a bit, as the weight comes off. I have never known a day, since elementary school, where my weight wasn't an issue and I didn't have to endure comments about it. I am looking forward to a day when that is never an issue for me again...I never have to hear another snide remark, passive-aggressive comment, hairy look or rude response, due to my weight or size.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It is a grand adventure!

[Rosey posey 176]

Joining you on the journey to the new us but will.l like the ME underneath? One chance to be less and more at the same time! And here we go...

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[Shauny85 31]

ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1476854814.717953.jpg

I am 35 days until surgery and I am not afraid of the surgery, I'm not afraid of the physical pain, I am not afraid the impact on my marriage.

My fears are becoming seen, I have gotten used to being invisible, being ignored has been a way of life. The majority of my adult life I have been the girl with a pretty face, I have been passed over for jobs, I have been excluded. I have been that funny girl who nobody wants wants to be seen with and yet everyone wants to talk about. I fear the change.

I have done many diets over the years and since I am here we all know how they have turned out. I fear failure but it is also the fear of failure that keeps me pushing ahead.

I fear living in a body that I won't recognize, I'm excited about at the same time, I see so many before and after photos and I'm incredibly inspired by them. I'm ready for it to be my turn, I'm ready to be my surgeons next successful patient, I'm ready to give hope to the ones who follow in my footsteps....all the while is scares the heck out of me.

This opportunity seems to good to be true, it is my chance and fresh start for a healthy future, I'm ready for the hard work and I have the determination, all the change is just scary. I fear that in a year or two I will look back at my fat life and I will pity my former self, I will realize how much I have missed out on.

I know I can't be the only with similar thoughts or fears.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Wow I can really relate to how ur feeling. Its like u took the words right out of my mind. Im not sure how to feel now that ppl r starting to notice me. I'm scared outta my mind for the changes to come. Thank you for sharing this.

[LisaMergs 2,857]

@

A powerful post you've written. I understand your fears- though those were never mine. I relished the thoughts of people once again seeing me, not looking past me. I'm no attention hog, but being noticed as someone in the room was certainly appealing.

I respectfully disagree with @@PorkChopExpress - in that it IS Not gradual ... Considering most people who are able to lose through diet and exercise alone take two or three times longer so it is more gradual. Losing over 100 pounds in 6 months is HUGE!!

Dylan Thomas wrote:

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.....

I have kept this in my head about the WLS and the life where I was, life where I was headed. Fighting for the life I had before WG, and fighting to re-attain it. Knowing that once healthy again, I would not go gently into that good night- I would fight to live, love and experience.

If being overweight has been a lifelong experience, your journey can be one of wonder, creator of your new life, discoverer of uncharted waters, master and captain of your own ship, destiny.

I never talk about this here, but I sing with a local group. One of my favorite songs to perform has always been Wonder, by Natalie Merchant.

It always touched me, but in a different way now...listen to it. Imagine yourself. Here's the YouTube url. Think of yourself as that girl.

Never pity the girl you were- certainly mourn her- she will be gone. But, just as importantly, learn from her mistakes, from her triumphs, and then learn how to incorporate her into the new person you will become. Caterpillars need to scoot on a branch, cocoon, before they can fly away as a butterfly.

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[PorkChopExpress 831]

When I say gradual, I mean you don't wake up after surgery and the weight is gone. It takes months for it to come off. You do have some time to adjust to the changes, even if it's relatively fast. I'm one month post-op and even though I'm losing a lot, I don't exactly feel like a new man and so I am able to get used to the changes because they're not immediate. It still takes time.

[LisaMergs 2,857]

When I say gradual, I mean you don't wake up after surgery and the weight is gone. It takes months for it to come off. You do have some time to adjust to the changes, even if it's relatively fast. I'm one month post-op and even though I'm losing a lot, I don't exactly feel like a new man and so I am able to get used to the changes because they're not immediate. It still takes time.

At a month out, you're just at the beginning of the journey. By month 3, if you're working the tool, and the tool is working for you, your opinion may very well change. It is ASTOUNDING. To have lost well over a hundred pounds and be almost to goal at 6.5 months out, I'm continually in sheer AWE at the speed, efficiency and efficacy of the procedure.

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[James Marusek 5,244]

I rarely look back in life about my past decisions. There is very little I can do about them one way or another. So generally I look forward. Change is part of life. Even if you try and keep things the same, change will happen whether you want it or not. The best you can do is follow a path that creates changes that are for your good.

Prior to my RNY gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago, I was obese and my health was severely being affected by this weight. So essentially I would refer to the surgery as a Reset to Normal. The real me inside of me is the same, only the outer shell, the husk, has changed.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

My fears are becoming seen, I have gotten used to being invisible, being ignored has been a way of life.

I fear living in a body that I won't recognize, I'm excited about at the same time, I see so many before and after photos and I'm incredibly inspired by them. I'm ready for it to be my turn, I'm ready to be my surgeons next successful patient, I'm ready to give hope to the ones who follow in my footsteps...

This opportunity seems to good to be true, it is my chance and fresh start for a healthy future, I'm ready for the hard work and I have the determination, all the change is just scary. I fear that in a year or two I will look back at my fat life and I will pity my former self, I will realize how much I have missed out on.

If you're feeling even a little trapped into surgery, what if you first recognize that canceling surgery is within your power? I'm not suggesting that you cancel, but rather that you be fully aware that you're making a choice, that you do have power.

Having fears isn't unusual. Change is scary, so scary that the fears are "normal." Fear isn't the only thing you're feeling. Take a look at the portion of your post in bold type. You're feeling happy anticipation. You express confidence in being able to follow through. Your wanting to give hope says that you want to be visible to be a positive part of the world, to engage in it fully. It's okay to be fearful because, at the same time, you're looking forward.

Never pity your former self. Without her, you will not have gotten to where you're going.

[dianemar 45]

I was thin growing up, so when I hit 37, had my last child, quit smoking, had early menopause, and my weight sky rocketed, I was in no way prepared. I always had the mentality that I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted so the idea of diets were so out of my realm, I just couldn't comprehend how to deal with it. Along with a family who primarily judged others on looks, I felt like such a failure and wanted to hide. I always had a bit of distain for those who took the easy way out by having surgery for weight loss, taking the easy way out , right. Then last winter, as I was battling another bronchial issue, I realized it would not take much to push me into pneumonia and could conceivably lose my life, made me wake up and decide I wanted to live a good number of years, and really 'live'. So here I am 9 weeks post op, feeling better than I have in years, already doing more than I have in years, Having better and more frequent sex than I have in years, not regretting the surgery, but kicking my self for waiting, yes. Except my insurance only started covering it this year. There are so many positives that when I grumble about the change in eating, I give myself a swift kick.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@ - Great issues to be working through pre-surgery. Yes there are internal changes which start to become clear as the external start to show. As you become more physically attractive, it changes the power dynamics in relationships. There are many pages on this site about how women get very uncomfortable for a season when they transform and start becoming visible. These are all very real. IMHO, no reason to ignore the benefits to your health and well being, but these are real issues. A shout out for seeing this in advance. I found this book prior to surgery, and I hope you find it useful: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Kit-Practical/dp/0976852659. Good luck, and way to be aware of the challenge.