I'm closer to surgery, but further from being easy with this decision! Help.

[TracyBar 132]

Hello - I've started with my appointments - 1st appt. with intake nurse done, and this Monday Nutritionist. Soon after that Psych and Nurse again. Then it'll be 3 months before I see a surgeon, a further 6-8 months to surgery. So - I have plenty of time to wrap my mind around the surgery. It worries me that I feel even more reluctance to have the surgery now than I did a couple of months ago. I just cannot imagine actually going into surgery and I can't wrap my mind around my life after surgery.

Is this a common feeling? I'm very focussed currently on whether I will indeed appreciate the more slender me. I keep feeling like I will regret it like nothing else in my life, meaning giving up the life I've always known. Maybe it's my age! (I'm 54). I don't even know how I got to this place - both my current weight, and also how I ended up pursuing this surgery. 6 months ago I didn't even know this surgery existed - and here I am in the process of having it done!

Maybe it's because I'm just 'used' to being who I am now? I'm 5'-5" and my weight is 267 lbs. I KNOW I'm way overweight - but it's ME! I just don't know what to do with these feelings. Perhaps the psychologist appt. will be helpful...

I very much want to be slimmer and all the great things that go along with that. I'm pretty healthy - I only take one pill - 5 mg. Lipitor - nothing else. The intake nurse said this is good - that going into the surgery healthy means a better outcome. She said waiting until I'm sick is not good - I guess my mind is searching for a 'real' reason to do this - if I was really sick, had diabetes and a host of other weight related illnesses then I could JUSTIFY the surgery.

Would be great to hear if others had maybe some of these thoughts and feelings, have had the surgery, and can give me insight.

Thanks!

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@TracyBar We're very similar: I'm 52, 5'7" and I started at 262. I was on one pill for hypertension, and I have/had fibromyalgia and was taking 2 meds for that. But I didn't feel good...262 was the most I'd ever weighed, my legs and feet hurt all the time and I got winded walking to my car. I felt like I'd lived all the life I had in me and I didn't know what the future held. Was it going to be diabetes, or a cardiac issue, or was I just going to keep gaining weight until I wasn't able to walk at all? I had gone from being a very healthy, happy, active woman who ran, hiked, downhill skied, swam, etc. when my kids were small to a fat, miserable old woman who couldn't keep up with her teens and husband. So maybe my motivations were different?

But, I did have many of the same thoughts you did. I was afraid to give up my relationship with food because it was the one that I spent the most time on...eating, planning to eat, etc. I love to cook and I'm a good cook, and I was afraid of giving that up (which was silly, I still cook!). I was who I was, fat and all, and I was afraid that I'd have the surgery and either fail miserably or hate my new life. It was talking to my sons (22 and 19) and my wonderful husband that made it all okay for me. I talked to my husband first, alone, and he was fully on my side, ready to help me in any way, exactly as I expected. When I sat down with my boys to tell them what I was thinking and get their opinions, they were both excited and hopeful...the younger one said that they'd missed doing active things with me and hated to see me so unhappy with myself. That really drove home to me how much MY weight affected the people I love the most. I missed a good 10 years with the 3 loves of my life, wasted it being fat and distancing myself from their active lives because of my weight.

So, I decided to do it. Someone a couple of months ago here on BP was worrying about giving up the ability to eat large quantities of food and I told her this: At some point, you have to be willing to say to the people who love you and want you around for a long, healthy life that eating a giant cheeseburger and fries was more important than they are...because that's kind of what you're saying. I couldn't say that to my guys any longer. I chose them, instead of the big old cheeseburger. And guess what? I'm down almost 60 lbs, I don't have hypertension any more, my fibromyalgia is gone (fingers crossed!) and I walk 2-4 miles a day with no pain and no problem. And, I can still have a cheeseburger...just a tiny one, with no bun, and I don't miss big portions any more. I can have a french fry or 2, but I seldom do, because I'd rather fuel my body than feed my carb cravings. I'm no longer a "live to eat", I'm an "eat to live". We still go out to dinner, still have meals with friends, still go to breweries and beer fests and all the things we used to do, but now I've got this marvelous tool, my sleeve, that helps me make better choices and is helping me find my old self again. My only regret is waiting 10 years to do this. I kick myself for that.

I hope all this rambling helps you...I know I only talked about myself, but just wanted to give you another person's experience and perspective. There are wise vets here who've been on this road much, much longer than I have, but your post really tugged at me...the uncertainty is very difficult and I hope you find some peace with whatever decision you come to. The vets will provide you with lots of great information about what it's like a year, two, five down the road. And for the most part, they say it's pretty awesome

Good luck with your decision, I hope you stick around and let us know what you ultimately decide to do.

[Rosey posey 176]

You'll still be you, nobody takes that away from you. You'll be cause and renovated, sure you won't have a shield of e doubts and fear and yes it can be protective. But you're you , you are special, here you're accepted and valued. Everybody brings an insight and when we blend them together we are dynamite. Clear out the worries and fears cause here you are Among Friends. I'm Rosey Posey a sometimes resident sage-ette and all around wise person. But some of the younger Bari-pals have taught me too so welcome.

Sent from my S55 using the BariatricPal App

[PorkChopExpress 831]

Do this. Take a piece of paper, make two columns, make one column, "What is great about eating however I want." Make the other column, "What is terrible about eating however I want." Then put everything you can think of in each column.

In my case, the "pro" side was three things. The "con" side filled the entire page, and I could have kept going.

There's a tendency sometimes to say, "I'm not that bad." Like...Oh, I only have to take one pill for hypertension, so I'm not that bad. But how long are you going to be able to say that? There was a time I didn't have to take any pills. I didn't need a CPAP. My joints didn't hurt all the time. I could get up and down off the floor without struggling. I could fit into an airplane seat comfortably, or a booth, or a stadium seat at a sports event. I watched each 50 pound mile marker pass by, convincing myself I wouldn't reach the next one...and I did. How long are you going to say it's not that bad? Until it GETS bad? Because it catches up with you in a hurry, and suddenly you have health issues that may not be reversible.

You're starting a new journey to a healthier version of yourself, with this decision. Over the coming months, you're going to get an education into everything that makes these surgeries work, and it includes getting your own mind right about making the necessary changes in lifestyle and habits. The key to all of it is rejecting the old behaviors that have gotten you to where you are. They haven't helped you, they've only hindered you...so is it really so worthwhile to hang onto them?

Edited October 13, 2016 by PorkChopExpress

[iloveorganicmilk1 10]

For me in making my decision with this surgery I had to come to terms with myself with the fact that "you have to let some things go to gain what you want".

Be sure you know what you want for yourself. You know yourself better than anyone; don't let anyone persuade you into getting this surgery.

I am choosing this surgery for myself because I am focused and intent on what I want for myself and for my life.

[kimberb 323]

You have plenty of time to educate yourself about weight loss surgery and decide if it's for you. I haven't had my surgery yet. I wasn't sure I wanted it. I've spent a lot of time on here and have done a lot of research. I've decided this is for me. Good luck with your journey.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T337A using the BariatricPal App

[TracyBar 132]

@@TracyBar We're very similar: I'm 52, 5'7" and I started at 262. I was on one pill for hypertension, and I have/had fibromyalgia and was taking 2 meds for that. But I didn't feel good...262 was the most I'd ever weighed, my legs and feet hurt all the time and I got winded walking to my car. I felt like I'd lived all the life I had in me and I didn't know what the future held. Was it going to be diabetes, or a cardiac issue, or was I just going to keep gaining weight until I wasn't able to walk at all? I had gone from being a very healthy, happy, active woman who ran, hiked, downhill skied, swam, etc. when my kids were small to a fat, miserable old woman who couldn't keep up with her teens and husband. So maybe my motivations were different?

But, I did have many of the same thoughts you did. I was afraid to give up my relationship with food because it was the one that I spent the most time on...eating, planning to eat, etc. I love to cook and I'm a good cook, and I was afraid of giving that up (which was silly, I still cook!). I was who I was, fat and all, and I was afraid that I'd have the surgery and either fail miserably or hate my new life. It was talking to my sons (22 and 19) and my wonderful husband that made it all okay for me. I talked to my husband first, alone, and he was fully on my side, ready to help me in any way, exactly as I expected. When I sat down with my boys to tell them what I was thinking and get their opinions, they were both excited and hopeful...the younger one said that they'd missed doing active things with me and hated to see me so unhappy with myself. That really drove home to me how much MY weight affected the people I love the most. I missed a good 10 years with the 3 loves of my life, wasted it being fat and distancing myself from their active lives because of my weight.

So, I decided to do it. Someone a couple of months ago here on BP was worrying about giving up the ability to eat large quantities of food and I told her this: At some point, you have to be willing to say to the people who love you and want you around for a long, healthy life that eating a giant cheeseburger and fries was more important than they are...because that's kind of what you're saying. I couldn't say that to my guys any longer. I chose them, instead of the big old cheeseburger. And guess what? I'm down almost 60 lbs, I don't have hypertension any more, my fibromyalgia is gone (fingers crossed!) and I walk 2-4 miles a day with no pain and no problem. And, I can still have a cheeseburger...just a tiny one, with no bun, and I don't miss big portions any more. I can have a french fry or 2, but I seldom do, because I'd rather fuel my body than feed my carb cravings. I'm no longer a "live to eat", I'm an "eat to live". We still go out to dinner, still have meals with friends, still go to breweries and beer fests and all the things we used to do, but now I've got this marvelous tool, my sleeve, that helps me make better choices and is helping me find my old self again. My only regret is waiting 10 years to do this. I kick myself for that.

I hope all this rambling helps you...I know I only talked about myself, but just wanted to give you another person's experience and perspective. There are wise vets here who've been on this road much, much longer than I have, but your post really tugged at me...the uncertainty is very difficult and I hope you find some peace with whatever decision you come to. The vets will provide you with lots of great information about what it's like a year, two, five down the road. And for the most part, they say it's pretty awesome

Good luck with your decision, I hope you stick around and let us know what you ultimately decide to do.

Shelterdog64 - thank you thank you. Your post was heartfelt and felt as though you were speaking to me in person - very helpful. My youngest turned 11 in July and she is a motivation for me. I've spent the last couple of years in a real funk - work has been so stressful for me that I come home and isolate myself in the den just to try to refuel myself mentally to take on another onslaught at work. I have distanced myself from her in too many ways and I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. In such a short amount of time she'll be old enough to not want to spend any time with me - in fact, the main reason I'm so upset about the amount of time until I get this surgery is the age she'll be when I'm down the weight and feeling better physically and mentally (that's the outcome I hope for of course!). So, this led me to dealing with my feelings now before it's too late. She doesn't really care how fat I am, she just loves ME.

I go back and forth on the food - sometimes I worry about it and other times I think no big deal. The ONLY real worry I have (and this is likely due to not enough info yet) is the nutrition part. I can't have dairy so I'll be limited with Protein shakes. I have to follow a specific diet (not weight loss diet, there are foods I can't digest properly) so that will limit me a bit too. It concerns me that the portions are toddler sized. How does a full grown person live on such small portions the rest of their life and stay healthy? Nutrients from real food is better than that from a Vitamin. I'm sure all these questions will be answered Monday when I see the nutritionist.

I think one of the biggest things I wonder about is what you and many have said. That they regret not having this early - is it that good? See, I can't imagine it! lol That it's the best thing they've ever done. Again, really? The best thing you've ever done is starve yourself to skinny and eat like a toddler for the rest of your life, never be able to drink a liquid with food, never have sparkling Water (or beer, etc.), have to sip liquids all the time, etc. etc. I'm NOT meaning this to be directly at you - just in general from what I've read - but it goes around in my head in a loop. Questioning the validity of the surgery - on one day it's a good idea, the next a really bad one! lol

I can't imagine how people have done this without the preliminary work-up, the care and appts. etc. There are SO many questions and it's so life-changing (positively and possibly negatively) that time is needed prior to surgery. I'm happy for the wait and I'm not if that makes sense.

Anyway - thanks for being such a great help! Where in WA are you? I grew up in Vancouver (BC) and often drove down to Bellingham and area to shop - was a 45 min. drive from my door, cross the border and arrive at shops! Loved it....