How did you handle this

[kimberb 323]

I have 10 ponds to lose and complete 6 weekly classes of Mindful Eating to get my surgery date. This last week was the first one that I started tracking food and calories. I have lost 2#'s.

I love to eat out. My hubby and mom love to eat out. Mom is within her healthy bmi. Hubby is not. Hubby has always been able to lose weight when he sets his mind to it.

Last night hubby and I had date night. We went to a nice restaurant where I had NY steak, black Beans and about 2 tablespoons of citrus flavored rice. I also had 2 glasses of wine. We went to see a movie. I took a bottle of Water. I also took one square of sea salt dark chocolate. I ate very light during the day cause I wanted to save my calories for dinner. I did go over my 1200 calorie intake. But I was OK with that. It wasn't by very much.

We always go out for Breakfast on Sundays with my mom. This Sunday I already knew I wasn't going because I'd splurged last night. Hubby and mom went out. I was OK with it at first. By the time they got back I was a mess. I felt so left out. Hubby said you could of gone out and just ate some eggs. He swears that once I have my surgery he will be on board to change his diet and start losing weight. He thinks after surgery is the time I will be forced to make changes. I've explained to him that I've already started to change my eating habits and mentally preparing for my life change. Only ate out once this last wk (last night) have gotten all fluids every day. Still working on the protien thing.

How did everybody deal with the lifestyle changes pre-op? I can't expect my mom and hubby to stop eating out because I'm not. I really want to lose the 10 pounds by Nov 16th. That is the day I have my last class. On the 17th I speak with bariatric psychologist and hopefully I will be cleared for surgery. Between us, I'm really resentful that they went out for breakfast. Hubby could of stayed home with me and had breakfast.

This feels so petty. But it is how I feel

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[Babbs 14,681]

Look, we live in a non bariatric friendly world. There's parties, holidays, events, restaurants around every corner, work functions, movies, graduations....everything seems to revolve around food. We can't expect the world to stop because we had the surgery, because it certainly won't. We have to commit to making the changes ourselves and adapting to the world around us.

Sure, the pre op diet is hard, then first few weeks after surgery when you are on liquids or soft food and feel more like a patient than a normal person. But in the grand scheme of things, it's such a short amount of time. Once you're eating 'normal' food again, there should be nothing stopping you from going out to Breakfast and doing all those things mentioned above. You just have to learn to make the right choices when you do. You certainly could have gone with them and had some eggs and even a peice of bacon or two. That's what I have when I go to breakfast all the time! I've NEVER missed an opportunity to go out and have a good time just because I had WLS. Now I just focus more on the company and not the food, and my life is so much better for it.

In the end, it's on us to make the changes needed to succeed, not anyone else. I've adapted, you will too.

[PorkChopExpress 831]

In my opinion, I can't resent anyone or anything when I'm the one that is abnormal and needs to be corrected. The world is not designed for the obese. I can't rage against the size of the seats in an airplane or in an arena, because they aren't made for me. They're made for the "normal" person. Obviously with obesity becoming an epidemic in the US, the definition of "normal" is kind of changing...but I don't think that's really a healthy or good thing.

I cannot expect other people to modify their behavior to suit me, when it's ME that needs to modify his behavior. So I will do what I need to do in order to achieve my weight loss goals, and I won't expect anyone else to cater to me. I can control myself...especially now that I'm post-surgery and I have no real choice in the matter, and I'm not dominated by hunger.

The diet you're on now pales in comparison to the two week, all-liquid pre-op diet most of us went through (some went even three weeks on it). Nothing but liquid or semi-liquid (sugar-free)...it's brutal, because you still have the hunger. Just soldier through it, because once you've had the surgery, none of it will matter anymore. You won't have hunger (only head hunger, which you can deal with) and you'll have to start focusing on re-training your brain to accommodate the new stomach. Nobody can really do any of that for you, it's all going to be on you. You're responsible for yourself, don't expect anyone else to change.

Edited October 9, 2016 by PorkChopExpress

[mr1121 59]

@@kimberb, I had 24 lbs to lose in a month. I starved myself. No Snacks all that. I knew on the 28th day I had met my goal, so I went in for a weigh in. They were shocked. I hate to say it but either exercise like crazy or starve...

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

My quote of your post broke :

...Hubby and mom went out. I was OK with it at first. By the time they got back I was a mess. I felt so left out.

...Hubby said you could of gone out and just ate some eggs. He swears that once I have my surgery he will be on board to change his diet and start losing weight.

...Between us, I'm really resentful that they went out for breakfast. Hubby could of stayed home with me and had breakfast.

...This feels so petty. But it is how I feel

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Why in the world were you "a mess"? You chose not to go. Surely missing one outing is not the end of your world? Hubby was right, you could have gone. I often go out with my friends and family to places where nothing on the menu sounds appealing, or I am really NOT hungry (if the menu is not friendly -- like pizza' and pasta' or chains where everything is fried and carby -- I usually eat first), I just order a drink. I don't NEED to eat just because everyone else is. You WILL learn to go any where you want and make great choices but you do need to practice.

Why should he be "on board"? What does your weight loss have to do with his? You're resentful? That's a bit over the top, don't you think? He could have stayed home, you are right, but why should he? He enjoyed some time out with mom, good for him! And yes, you are totally entitled to your feelings. You can't help HOW you feel, but you can help how you act on them. Right now, you are acting out of emotion, not out of logic and that's understandable.

I know all the above sounds a bit harsh, but that is not my intent. It this is the real world and it is about to be your reality. You can choose to go out with others, or you can choose not to. Again, you are soon going to learn that you can choose to go any where you want. You are having this surgery, your husband is not. You say he is really good at losing weight when he tries? You are not only going to be really good at losing it but you are going to be good at keeping it off. It's seriously a win.

Your emotions right now are yours. You can chalk up some of it to anxiety due to a very big change that is coming in your life. You don't know what to expect, you don't know the realities of WLS except for what you've read, and you are emotional. It's ALL OK.

It's going to be fine. YOU are going to be fine. You aren't going to miss out on life because of this surgery. You are, in fact, going to gain SO MUCH MORE. I promise.

[kimberb 323]

This is the first time this has occurred to me. I thought I was prepared for it. I do/did realize I was being petty. The feelings really did take me by surprise. If I hadn't of gone out the night before I would of gone out this morning. My hubby does support my decision to have WLS. He also has about 100 #'s to lose. It is his decision to lose weight not mine.

No one else experienced something like this?

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[cbonet 336]

I am 3.5 weeks post surgery. When I decided to do this, I made the decision to continue with my typical life functions, I do the shopping, cooking for the family, have people over for dinner, make food every night for my son to take to work, go to restaurants, go to peoples houses for dinner... Through it all, I did what I had to do for myself, while continuing enjoying functions with friends and family. I ate for whatever phase I was on. Last night I went to my nephews for dinner. I told him ahead of time I'd be bringing my shake and not eating. He was fine with that. I sat at the table, drank my shake and enjoyed the company. At restaurants, I order Soup or a side of refried Beans and mash it. I went to Japanese restaurant and ordered Miso broth. This is a life decision and the purpose is for life to go on and get better. I also know that these are all phases that will eventually lead to a more typical way of eating socially of course with the needed and expected adaptations. The only phase that I didn't do the norm, was for the 5 days after surgery. I was sore and very tired. I took that time to rest and heal. Day 7, I cooked for my son's birthday celebration including birthday cake and people having drinks. I had broth. I did the cooking and serving and let them do the dishes????. I'm sharing this with you to support you in knowing you don't have to give up time and experiences with friends and family. They will be there for you especially when they see your commitment to yourself having a healthier, happy life with them. Best wishes to you. You can do it!

[kimberb 323]

I am 3.5 weeks post surgery. When I decided to do this, I made the decision to continue with my typical life functions, I do the shopping, cooking for the family, have people over for dinner, make food every night for my son to take to work, go to restaurants, go to peoples houses for dinner... Through it all, I did what I had to do for myself, while continuing enjoying functions with friends and family. I ate for whatever phase I was on. Last night I went to my nephews for dinner. I told him ahead of time I'd be bringing my shake and not eating. He was fine with that. I sat at the table, drank my shake and enjoyed the company. At restaurants, I order Soup or a side of refried Beans and mash it. I went to Japanese restaurant and ordered Miso broth. This is a life decision and the purpose is for life to go on and get better. I also know that these are all phases that will eventually lead to a more typical way of eating socially of course with the needed and expected adaptations. The only phase that I didn't do the norm, was for the 5 days after surgery. I was sore and very tired. I took that time to rest and heal. Day 7, I cooked for my son's birthday celebration including birthday cake and people having drinks. I had broth. I did the cooking and serving and let them do the dishes????. I'm sharing this with you to support you in knowing you don't have to give up time and experiences with friends and family. They will be there for you especially when they see your commitment to yourself having a healthier, happy life with them. Best wishes to you. You can do it!

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

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[Babbs 14,681]

I also want to add this:

Please don't focus on how your husband has to lose weight. I know you had said it's on him, but I've seen as people start to lose weight, they feel so great and at that point kind of cocky about it, they have a tendency to hyper focus on a loved ones weight problem. Please never forget what it took for us to decide to lose weight and the extreme measures we had to take to finally do it. It's the same with our loved ones. They know they need to lose weight, they know it's not healthy to be obese, and they will deal with it when they're ready to. Focus on yourself, lead by example, and hubby may follow suit. But don't harass him about it.

And yes, what you're feeling about being "left out" is VERY common. Even months after surgery, like I'd said before. But always remember in the grand scheme of things, it's such a short amount of time. You'll be so happy living life as a thinner person, you'll be out doing everything in no time!

[blizair09 3,250]

You need to try to start re-establishing your relationship with food BEFORE you have the surgery. And part of that is NOT cutting yourself off from social events because of food and drink. Go. See people. Have fun. And either eat something that will work with your current eating plan, or eat before/after you go and just not have something there. It won't be the end of the world if you don't eat, and people that care about you won't care about the fact that you are not eating.

I lost 99 pounds during my six-month insurance-required pre-op diet program. Nothing prepared me to deal with the physical and mental demands of surgery more than that. I ate out all the time. I just ate what my eating plan would allow (at the time, low carb/high protein/high healthy fat). Now that I am post-op, I am still on liquids. Last night, my partner and I met up with an old friend over on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. We went to dinner. They ate steamed seafood. I drank a Premier Protein shake. We had an amazing time.

My recommendation is to take this six week diet you have to do and make the most of it. Trust me, the mental part of the entire thing is the most difficult.

Also, I want to echo what the others have said regarding your husband's weight situation. Be patient with him. Chances are once you get going, he'll get on the train, too. My partner has lost over 80 pounds in the time that I have lost 114 pounds.

Best wishes to you!