No Spouse Support

[Jiggleypuff 0]

Has anyone ever had trouble getting your spouse to support your decision? I have tried and tried to talk with my husband and he still choses not to support me.

I know it isn't the money or the idea of the lost obese wife. He just feels that I can do it on my own by just eating less and moving more. I feel if it was that easy, I could have done it for the last 20 years. My husband and I have a great relationship but this is one thing we are not agreeing on.

Has anyone had this and what have you done. I finally told him that it will happen if my insurance approves me. He didn't say anything. Thanks, Shawn

[ToniaPatt 0]

Hi Jiggley,

I don't have a spouse yet, so I may not be the best person....But, here's a question: does your spouse have a weight problem? For me, I've noticed that the people in my life who have not had to deal with this struggle all of their lives - losing and gaining, the hopelessness of yet another attempt failed, the knowing how to lose the weight yet not being able to do so for any sustained period of time - simply cannot understand. My friends and family who have maybe 20-40 pounds to lose could never understand what I go through. Maybe your husband never will. But, if you do have the surgery, and he sees the changes in you, mentally and emotionally, as well as physically, he certainly will benefit from those changes. And maybe then he will understand why you needed to do this.

Has anyone ever had trouble getting your spouse to support your decision? I have tried and tried to talk with my husband and he still choses not to support me.

I know it isn't the money or the idea of the lost obese wife. He just feels that I can do it on my own by just eating less and moving more. I feel if it was that easy, I could have done it for the last 20 years. My husband and I have a great relationship but this is one thing we are not agreeing on.

Has anyone had this and what have you done. I finally told him that it will happen if my insurance approves me. He didn't say anything. Thanks, Shawn

[Jiggleypuff 0]

Thanks for your response. Yes he needs to lose about 70 lbs. and is doing so now. I really do think he will benefit when it's all said and done and he will definately enjoy it, as will I (LOL) but I really would love my best friends support now!!! Shawna

[lizster2007 0]

I was fortunate that my DH supported my decision. I've only told one good friend and while I didn't get a ringing endorsement I believe I did get acceptance. I wonder if part of your husband's feelings are due to a certain amount of fear about the procedure that he might not want to admit to? I think there has been a fair amount of press about what can go wrong in Gastric Bypass surgeries and those who haven't researched the band may not differentiate the two procedures. Of course no surgery is without risks and there can be complications with the band but in general, I'd have to say (in my very non-medical opinion) that it is a relatively safe procedure.

I know that my husband sometimes has trouble articulating his feelings so I'm wondering if there might be some of that going on with yours. In any event, best of luck with your banding and, I truly hope your husband will, eventually at least, get on board.

[cahollin 0]

Jiggley,

I too have lack of spousal support. When I first started my Quest to have the surgery, I thought my husband was on board with me. The night before surgery, he voiced his concerns to me, and I cancelled the surgery. My husband had talked to some of his friends who all had stories of someone they knew who had complications. Lizster mentioned the press talking about all that can go wrong with gastric bypass. I too agree that there is heresay that gets started about lapband because people aren't differentiating the two surgeries. I think this happened in my case with my husband. I am going to include my husband this time around with doctor visits to allow him to get information first hand from the doc. I didn't do that last time. Hope this helps you.

Lynn

[Marimaru 7]

Does your husband have any kind of vice? My husband (then boyfriend) was supportive, but didn't really understand until we were talking about his drinking (he drinks beer daily, doesn't get really drunk) and he said something about my not knowing how he felt. I explained that I thought I had a pretty good idea, and explained some of my feelings around food. I'm not sure whether or not he really understand still, but I could see and hear the surprise in him when I told him that. He had no idea.

[Sandy63 0]

My DH is against me having the surgery. He will not even talk about it with me.

I had a first cousin who had the gastric by-pass surgery about 8 years ago. She started out pretty good at first, then she got to where she couldn't eat. She would throw up everything. She ended up malnourished and was put in the hospital for 3 months. She has permanent nerve damage in her legs and it is very hard for her to walk. She has gained all but 100lbs of her loss back. However, when I talked to her about the lapband, she was very supportive of it. DH just worries that something similar will happen to me.

He also has problems with his weight. He diets and looses down about 70lbs, then when he stops watching what he eats, he packs it back on. He has yo-yo'ed like this for the past 12 or so years.

I also think he might be a little jealous if I loose weight. I have always been heavy. I think he is secure with this and he knows if I loose weight then men will notice me. But, I want to do this for me and my family. I want to be around to see my kids have kids and so on. I'm tired of being FAT!!

I have returned my application packet to the surgeon. I am waiting on a reply. My PCP has already done a referral and the letter of medical necessity and the insurance has already approved it. I had foot surgery earlier this year, paid all my deductibles and out of pocket expenses for the year, so all expenses from the lapband surgery will be covered 100%. I just hope I can get it all in before the end of the year.

[Jiggleypuff 0]

Dear Sandy: I too had a surgery at the beginning of the year and hope I can fit in mine before the end of the year. I do think he is confusing the two weight loss surgeries and thinks the risk of going under the knife is unnecessary. But I feel it is to make a life time change. I truely think he has too much confidence in me and doesn't want to consider all the illnesses that are knocking on my door. Thanks so much for your response. Shawna

[nikki_s 0]

Hi there, I've had my band now for nearly 2 weeks.

When I first discussed having the procedure with my husband, he was not keen. He is tall and slim and has never had a weight issue. He also thought I should be able to do it on my own. That being said, he has seen me try and try with limited success and has seen the toll it has taken on me emotionally. I said that this is something I really need for myself. Not only do I want to be healthy, but happier and this could only benefit us both and our 2 small girls! I convinced him to come and see the surgeon with me, and he asked him alot of questions and after that her was satisfied that if it is what I wanted, then he would support me.

I do wish you luck. It would be very difficult having no support. It's still early days, but I just hope my hubby continues supporting me the way he has so far.

[Lap_dancer 8]

My husband was not commenting when I began this process. He said nothing. I think with all the promises of losing weight after twenty years, he thought ( yeah right ).

He's changing his tune now that we are five months post op. and he is seeing the changes.

**Actions speak louder than words**

[voodookitty 0]

Well I am a newlywed (Dec 2006) and my dh at first was of the mind that if I just ate less and exercised I'd lose all my 100+ pounds no problem. After several months of up and down with this he came to see I had a very bad relationship with food and a truly hard time staying with anything. He still hemed and hawed about us spending the equiv. of 14k USD for me to get the band. I understood because it IS alot of money and it's a huge step.

I finally had to be frank with him and my doc backed me up on everything. I told him unless I have this surgery I will die young, you will have to raise our son by yourself, and we will never be able to have another child. Plus, my life before I die will be one endless nightmare of health problems. You will have to watch me slowly kill myself because I have a self-induced disease.

When it was put to him that way, his tune changed and he's now my biggest champion and supporter. He stands next to me every morning when I get on the scale and tells me how proud he is when it moves another notch.

Sometimes it just takes a good hard brick upside the skull and a glimpse into the future that not only affects you but them to make them see.

[Daisalana 33]

My DH (DF at the time), who is average size.. when I brought this up to him, he said whatever you want to do. So I wanted to talk to him, make sure he understood what I'd be going through etc. He made 1 comment that annoyed me, but he got it out of his system, and we agreed to disagree on it.

He said "If this is what you want, BUT.. I think you can do it on your own". And then I explained how I can't, and he didn't really agree. But that's that.

Will your husband agree to disagree? My DH let me make the decision and supported me, he just had to throw in his 2 cents that he didn't think it was neccessary.

[vucarre 0]

My DH is against me having the surgery. He will not even talk about it with me.

I had a first cousin who had the gastric by-pass surgery about 8 years ago. She started out pretty good at first, then she got to where she couldn't eat. She would throw up everything. She ended up malnourished and was put in the hospital for 3 months. She has permanent nerve damage in her legs and it is very hard for her to walk. She has gained all but 100lbs of her loss back. However, when I talked to her about the lapband, she was very supportive of it. DH just worries that something similar will happen to me.

He also has problems with his weight. He diets and looses down about 70lbs, then when he stops watching what he eats, he packs it back on. He has yo-yo'ed like this for the past 12 or so years.

I also think he might be a little jealous if I loose weight. I have always been heavy. I think he is secure with this and he knows if I loose weight then men will notice me. But, I want to do this for me and my family. I want to be around to see my kids have kids and so on. I'm tired of being FAT!!

I have returned my application packet to the surgeon. I am waiting on a reply. My PCP has already done a referral and the letter of medical necessity and the insurance has already approved it. I had foot surgery earlier this year, paid all my deductibles and out of pocket expenses for the year, so all expenses from the lapband surgery will be covered 100%. I just hope I can get it all in before the end of the year.

[vucarre 0]

Hello,

Not sure you are still using this site as it seems you may have had your surgery and achieved your goal. Question is, how did you get your husband to support your decision? I havent talked to my husband about for about 2 years. He wanted me to try other things. I did. In the last two years I went to a weight loss center and lost 30 pounds -- half my goal. Kept it off for about 9 months. Then I start something called CEAHOW, which is a fodd addicts group. Again, I lost 30 of the 60 - 70 I needed to lose and I am rapidly putting it back on. I am turning 47 and I do not want to spend the rest of my life battling my weight like this. But, my husband is so against it. I really dont know why. He always has some lame excuse that Kanye West mother died during surgery --- even though she had an underlying heart issue and was warned not to have a procudure but did so anyway. Hardly comparable cases. Anyway, I am not sure what his real objection is because he let his daughter get breast reduction surgery at 16 even though he was advised she was a little young and that she should try losing weight. So, he just paid out of pocket. Yet, he acts as if I am crazy. I also need sinus surgery, he is against that also. I would love some feedback on how to get at the real objection and over come it. Because I need this surgery.

[Sandy63 0]

Just happened to check my email and found this link from Lapband talk.

I just kept on at him about it. At the pyschologist's (who did my evaluation) request, both of us had to attend an information seminar. He went with me and heard the doctors talking about he band and all the benefits that I would get from it. Once he heard it from them, he was my biggest supporter. It has been over 3 years now. I am down to 164 lbs. and I feel great.

He on the other hand has put a lot of weight back on in the past year. He hasn't said anything about getting the surgery for himself though.

I too tried every diet out there. My husband kept telling me it was all in my head. But it is very hard for someone who had been overweight for so long to keep the weight off. I would loose 50 to 70 lbs. only to put it back on plus more. The band has been amazing for me.

Good luck to you on your convincing. Keep talking to him about it and see if you can get him to attend a support group meeting or an information seminar with you. If he won't do that see if you can get him on here to see some of the amazing before and after photos.

You are welcome to email me at anytime. My personal email is Sandy63@windstream.net.

Sandy

Hello,

Not sure you are still using this site as it seems you may have had your surgery and achieved your goal. Question is, how did you get your husband to support your decision? I havent talked to my husband about for about 2 years. He wanted me to try other things. I did. In the last two years I went to a weight loss center and lost 30 pounds -- half my goal. Kept it off for about 9 months. Then I start something called CEAHOW, which is a fodd addicts group. Again, I lost 30 of the 60 - 70 I needed to lose and I am rapidly putting it back on. I am turning 47 and I do not want to spend the rest of my life battling my weight like this. But, my husband is so against it. I really dont know why. He always has some lame excuse that Kanye West mother died during surgery --- even though she had an underlying heart issue and was warned not to have a procudure but did so anyway. Hardly comparable cases. Anyway, I am not sure what his real objection is because he let his daughter get breast reduction surgery at 16 even though he was advised she was a little young and that she should try losing weight. So, he just paid out of pocket. Yet, he acts as if I am crazy. I also need sinus surgery, he is against that also. I would love some feedback on how to get at the real objection and over come it. Because I need this surgery.