This might be long, so brace yourselves, lol. >_< If you don't agree with LGBT discussions, then please turn away now. Thank you.

So, I am bisexual. I've known this since I was 14; I'm 25 now. I started dating a woman about my age when I was 22. We were in a long-distance relationship (she lived in CA and I live in AL). Her parents were 100% supportive of her sexuality, but my mother is not, and she doesn't know either (I can't tell her because she is very conservative). Anyway, we dated for almost a year and I fell in love with her. She claimed to love me, too. She ended up moving to Idaho, then to South Dakota, because she couldn't find a job in CA or Idaho. She moved with her sister (who is extremely conservative and had no idea my ex is into women). Well, her sister found out and told her that I would never be allowed to come around her family. This hurt my ex so much, that she moved out of her sister's house and in with a friend. Well, she ended up moving in with another bisexual woman. She felt accepted there and I was happy. Well, the guilt of her being gay started to get to her more, which was triggered by her unaccepting sister. She found a job and started to have a crush on someone else; a man. I was shocked because I thought she was a lesbian. She assured me that the crush was nothing and that she only had it because we were so far apart and that she was lonely. I broke up with her because of the crush, and it made her cry a lot. We ended up getting back together a week later. Well, a few weeks after that, I asked if she still had a crush on this guy. She said yes, and I got upset again. A few days later, she broke up with me because I couldn't trust her anymore. She said she was too hurt because of my lack of trust. Several weeks later, we ended contact with each other and she ended up dating this guy a few months after I stopped speaking to her. They've been together for 2 years now.

Well, it's been 2 years since I've spoken to her. She recently contacted me about a month ago telling me that she is sorry for everything that happened. She told me that she is getting married in November. I was fine with it at first, but as we have been talking almost daily now, my feelings for her are coming back quickly. Sometimes I wonder if she feels the same about me. The reason is because, she tells me all the time that she has a hard time having sex with her fiance because of PTSD from a past rape. Every time they try to make love, she gets upset and pushes him away. She even told me that she is only attracted to him emotionally, and that there is little to no sexual attraction for him. She told me that she is 95% homosexual. She has even gone as far as flirting with me and bringing up our past many times. She apologizes all the time and texts me constantly. Most of the time it feels like old times between us. I don't know what to make of this. She told me she feels too guilty to be with women because of her religion (we are both Christians). But, there are some days when she tells me that she loves him and that she wants to marry him. I know my ex VERY well, and I know she will grow bored. She has been flirting with me almost daily now, and she even sends me suggestive photos of women in lingerie. She never looks at men, EVER. She says, "My fiance is the only man I could ever be with." Meaning, she could never be with any other man because she doesn't like men sexually. If I'm not mistaken, don't you have to be sexually attracted to someone to make it work in a relationship?

She has also admitted to me that she has been having doubts about getting married. She claims that it's because her fiance works night shift, and that they hardly see each other as much as they want to, but they still see each other every now and then. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to be at least 90% sure you want to get married if you love the person?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being used by her as a sexual fix, and that she doesn't have emotional feelings for me. Her guilt gets in the way a lot about her sexuality. So my main question is... Does it seem like she has unresolved feelings for me? Or am I being used?

Edited September 15, 20169 yr by Hiraeth

Once I've had enough of her bullshit, I'm going to show her this message that you wrote me. I could never put my words into such a perfect way. I won't show who you are, but I needed this to word how I feel correctly. Again, thank you so much. <3

My dear girl...haven't you had enough of her bullsh*t already? The hardest thing to do sometimes is move on. You know that's what you need to do.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I have several friends who are lesbians and I've seen this type of behavior with many of them in that they seem to not be able to end a relationship when that is the logical step. It's always 'let's stay in touch' and I don't get that. This woman was a huge part of your life...you loved her and likely still do. Doesn't mean you should be involved with her though. Think seriously of cutting all contact. In my opinion, that is the step you need to take before being able to move forward. Wishing you all the best...

I really do think I have had nearly enough. I haven't reached my breaking point, yet. But I am very close.

I did not take that the wrong way. It sometimes seems like there's a lot of cheating and relationship issues in the LGBT community. Usually, that's because LGBT people tend to be a bit more insecure because of nonacceptance and that can cause them to be insecure in other things. And you're right... She wanted to remain my friend, but I was unable to do that. I thought, after 2 years, I would be able to be her friend. But I now realize that my feelings for her have never completely left. It sucks.

It's hard for me to cut contact because she seeks advice from me. I'm the only person she texts besides her best friend and fiance. Her best friend isn't the best at giving advice, so she confides in me. I'm afraid to take that away from her. I know I should put myself first, but I've never been the type of person to do that. I know, I sound pathetic. :/

Like I said before, she lets you in parts of her life. Parts she wants you to see and hear about. You dont really know them until you are physically there. Otherwise its easy to live double lives. All compartmentalized.

Does she send you pics and videos of her and her fiance snuggling on the couch? How about them eating out and having fun?

If not, then why not? Because she wants to be the damsel in distress. Poor her. She neeeeds you. You cant leave! She will have nobody! In reality she has people around her and likes to be wanted by everybody. If she was head over heels for you she would have made it a point to see you face to face. Years have passed and still no physical contact.

She wants what she wants and that isnt being with you. Sucks, but you cant blame it on finances for that many years.

You are her secret play thing. And you let yourself be that. So you cant be mad at her. You know that saying that people only treat you the way you let them treat you.

Sent from my SM-G930P using the BariatricPal App

Like I said before, she lets you in parts of her life. Parts she wants you to see and hear about. You dont really know them until you are physically there. Otherwise its easy to live double lives. All compartmentalized.

Does she send you pics and videos of her and her fiance snuggling on the couch? How about them eating out and having fun?

If not, then why not? Because she wants to be the damsel in distress. Poor her. She neeeeds you. You cant leave! She will have nobody! In reality she has people around her and likes to be wanted by everybody. If she was head over heels for you she would have made it a point to see you face to face. Years have passed and still no physical contact.

She wants what she wants and that isnt being with you. Sucks, but you cant blame it on finances for that many years.

You are her secret play thing. And you let yourself be that. So you cant be mad at her. You know that saying that people only treat you the way you let them treat you.

Sent from my SM-G930P using the BariatricPal App

Wow, harsh, lol.

No, she doesn't show me pictures of them together. If she did, I definitely wouldn't be talking to her. That would be too much, I think.

Years ago, she made the effort to try to see me, but I told her not to at the moment. I wasn't ready because my mother didn't know about my sexuality. She felt rejected, and that's when she started to develop a crush on someone else.

I don't blame her fiance for anything. I feel bad for him, honestly. He's depressed, too. And I have a feeling that she's part of the reason.

I let people treat me this way because I feel bad for them. I know it's not right. I really just needed advice. Thank you.

@@Hiraeth Question: how old is she now and how old are you now? Another thing, don't you think you deserve better than what this girl "might" off you?

Coming from a woman who has been married for over 25 years and now getting divorced.... NEVER SETTLE!!! Go for what you want and deserve. Seems like this chick doesn't deserve or value you as a person, friend and ex. If she did, she would not be putting you in this situation.

She needs to Sh*t or get off the pot. She sounds like she really need a reality check. A marriage can't work with out two people being attracted to each other... I don't care what people say...

Personally.... i would tell her you deserve more that she can give you and cut .... ALL ties with her.... block her #, unfriend her on FB.. Etc.

Good luck

@@Hiraeth Question: how old is she now and how old are you now? Another thing, don't you think you deserve better than what this girl "might" off you?

Coming from a woman who has been married for over 25 years and now getting divorced.... NEVER SETTLE!!! Go for what you want and deserve. Seems like this chick doesn't deserve or value you as a person, friend and ex. If she did, she would not be putting you in this situation.

She needs to Sh*t or get off the pot. She sounds like she really need a reality check. A marriage can't work with out two people being attracted to each other... I don't care what people say...

Personally.... i would tell her you deserve more that she can give you and cut .... ALL ties with her.... block her #, unfriend her on FB.. Etc.

Good luck

She is 24 and I am 25. I don't usually go for women younger than me, but she's only 9 months younger, and she acts much older than me. So it worked for a while.

When we started dating, she was seeing a therapist about her guilt for having homosexual desires. The counseling was helping her a lot. But then when she moved, and moved in with her homophobic sister, her guilt hit its peak. This is what triggered our breakup. She then started having a crush on a man because he was nice to her, and she desired feeling normal. So now they are engaged, but I know that she prefers being intimate with women. She tells me details about their sex life (which I find odd).

I don't think she knows that I have feelings for her, because I am pretty good at hiding it. Sometimes I think that she flirts with me to see if I'll flirt back, then she will talk about her sex life to see how I react. I've given her reactions that she enjoys, but I think that she wonders if that means that my feelings are still there.

I agree 100%. For people who like sex, if there is little to no attraction, then the marriage won't work. I truly believe that she sees him as more of a best friend than a lover. I think she is trying to force herself to love him. She says that she barely ever sees him because he works night shift. Can this cause someone to doubt a marriage? In my opinion, I don't think it would cause them to doubt marriage if they truly love the person.

@@Hiraeth You really don't know what her TRUTH is. I read a book this week that I just thought of when someone mentioned catfishing (I had never heard the term before this book). Anyway - this person had an online relationship with someone and was expected to marry him (even though they never met in person). They found out that the person (as she knew him) didn't really exist and she was lied to for years. It was only a fictional book - but the person who was "catfishing" her was a woman who hid the fact she was a lesbian from the world and hid behind a fake online persona as a man. Please stop feeling sorry for this person - this is a very unhealthy relationship for you - and you need to realize that you deserve better! You are very young - be happy and go out and spend time with friends and have fun.

run like hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@@Hiraeth You really don't know what her TRUTH is. I read a book this week that I just thought of when someone mentioned catfishing (I had never heard the term before this book). Anyway - this person had an online relationship with someone and was expected to marry him (even though they never met in person). They found out that the person (as she knew him) didn't really exist and she was lied to for years. It was only a fictional book - but the person who was "catfishing" her was a woman who hid the fact she was a lesbian from the world and hid behind a fake online persona as a man. Please stop feeling sorry for this person - this is a very unhealthy relationship for you - and you need to realize that you deserve better! You are very young - be happy and go out and spend time with friends and have fun.

I heard about that story, too. Was her persona named Rick? If so, then the straight woman actually ended up marrying the lesbian woman, lol! Crazy, right? I don't think I'm being catfished to that extent. I know what she looks like and I've even done a background check on her (she allowed me to) and everything she says is true. I've even Skype'd her parents. So I know she is real. But, I know it's unhealthy to continue this. Last night really was an eye-opener for me. I know my worth. I know I deserve better.

This morning she texted me saying she's depressed. I rolled my eyes when I got that text because she said this after I told her that I was doing some soul searching last night. I feel like she said this to pull me back into her dark cave. I'll admit, a part of me was pulled back, but the other park is staying in a safe spot. I'm keeping part of my guard up. I think she may call me later, I'm not sure.

Good news is, I'm going to my 2nd support group tomorrow since surgery and I'm excited!

run like hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL! I have to admit, this made me laugh so hard! I really should!

Edited September 16, 20169 yr by Hiraeth

@@Hiraeth I have a 25 y/o son and im here to tell you.... you are too young to be worrying about all this Cr^p. Your only 25.... go out and live your life. Stop waiting for this person to make your life's choices. Be your own woman and experience life and all that comes with it...

Personally i think this chick doesn't know her a$$ from a whole in the ground and needs to continue therapy and get her life straight before dragging you and the "guy" into her mess.

this.... People is why we as a society need to stop judging people..... Parents that can't except there Kids for who and what they are..... should be ashamed of them selves... My boys know that i love them no matter what.

it amazes me how many of my young "gay" friends tell me that their parents won't except them.... i just don't get it.... because this is what it creates... a world full of people that can't be them selves for fear of being rejected... therefor they make bad choices till they come to a deep understanding of who they are.....

Love yourself and others will follow....

@@Hiraeth You really don't know what her TRUTH is. I read a book this week that I just thought of when someone mentioned catfishing (I had never heard the term before this book). Anyway - this person had an online relationship with someone and was expected to marry him (even though they never met in person). They found out that the person (as she knew him) didn't really exist and she was lied to for years. It was only a fictional book - but the person who was "catfishing" her was a woman who hid the fact she was a lesbian from the world and hid behind a fake online persona as a man. Please stop feeling sorry for this person - this is a very unhealthy relationship for you - and you need to realize that you deserve better! You are very young - be happy and go out and spend time with friends and have fun.

I heard about that story, too. Was her persona named Rick? If so, then the straight woman actually ended up marrying the lesbian woman, lol! Crazy, right? I don't think I'm being catfished to that extent. I know what she looks like and I've even done a background check on her (she allowed me to) and everything she says is true. I've even Skype'd her parents. So I know she is real. But, I know it's unhealthy to continue this. Last night really was an eye-opener for me. I know my worth. I know I deserve better.

This morning she texted me saying she's depressed. I rolled my eyes when I got that text because she said this after I told her that I was doing some soul searching last night. I feel like she said this to pull me back into her dark cave. I'll admit, a part of me was pulled back, but the other park is staying in a safe spot. I'm keeping part of my guard up. I think she may call me later, I'm not sure.

Good news is, I'm going to my 2nd support group tomorrow since surgery and I'm excited!

run like hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL! I have to admit, this made me laugh so hard! I really should!

Easier said than done! But that was my first instinct when I read your post. You deserve something much better. We all do. But glad I made ya laugh.

She's a mess. Sever.

You're both still children and need to live some actual life and get the drama out your system.

I don't want to sound harse, I am a gay man 51, I have been there done that. I won't ask you a lot of personal questions, but I have a feeling you have probably never meet this person, in person. even if you have, you have spent most well over 95% of the relationship apart, texting or calling, you need to realise you are in love with a feeling,but you are projecting feelings on to someone that is a fantum of your mind. Yes she is a real person, but you are double reading everything she says or does in a perfect light, and no one lives in that, perfect light, what she tells you is one side of a story, and then you are interpreting it, which is another side.

You need to focus on you right now, and as so much is changing, physically, and emotionally, this kind of relationship is not healthy, or a healthy choice for you. I suggest you concentrate on friends right now, that you can count on. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who makes decisions and plays around like this person? I doubt it. I also believe your mother already knows about you, or knows but doesn't accept it. Moms know everything, and people gossip, even if they have no facts, someone has mentioned it. You need to accept you, then decide okay, I am "left handed" I am going to tell my mom, because that is just who I am. If she can't accept it, I know what demon I have to deal with then, and if she does we will be closer.

What other people think about me is none of my business needs to be your motto, you can't change their minds, you are you. Yourself confidence is going to really take off, and you need to make decisions with you in mind. Tell this person that, wish her luck, and cut ties, block her number and delete it! A year from now if you feel the need, you can find her easily, but you need to stop the string pulling she is doing, because, she herself probably doesn't even know how much she is doing of it. You had this surgery for you, now do this for you mentally. Best of luck

@@Hiraeth I have a 25 y/o son and im here to tell you.... you are too young to be worrying about all this Cr^p. Your only 25.... go out and live your life. Stop waiting for this person to make your life's choices. Be your own woman and experience life and all that comes with it...

Personally i think this chick doesn't know her a$$ from a whole in the ground and needs to continue therapy and get her life straight before dragging you and the "guy" into her mess.

this.... People is why we as a society need to stop judging people..... Parents that can't except there Kids for who and what they are..... should be ashamed of them selves... My boys know that i love them no matter what.

it amazes me how many of my young "gay" friends tell me that their parents won't except them.... i just don't get it.... because this is what it creates... a world full of people that can't be them selves for fear of being rejected... therefor they make bad choices till they come to a deep understanding of who they are.....

Love yourself and others will follow....

Wow, you are such an amazing person for accepting people for who they are. Will you adopt me? LOL.

And you are so right; she really should sort out her issues before pursuing a relationship. I guess I felt like I could fix her. But I know I can't do that. I don't think she truly loves herself. She admitted that she is depressed. I just wish there was something I could do to help. I have a "save the world" complex. You should see all the strays I have rescued, lol!

She's a mess. Sever.

You're both still children and need to live some actual life and get the drama out your system.

I actually smiled when you said I'm a child. I still feel like a teenager. My life has gone by so quickly. I was forced to make adult decisions as early as age 12. So, I feel like I wasn't able to grow up the way I should have. When someone tells me I'm young, it makes me feel pretty good. So, thank you. <3

I don't want to sound harse, I am a gay man 51, I have been there done that. I won't ask you a lot of personal questions, but I have a feeling you have probably never meet this person, in person. even if you have, you have spent most well over 95% of the relationship apart, texting or calling, you need to realise you are in love with a feeling,but you are projecting feelings on to someone that is a fantum of your mind. Yes she is a real person, but you are double reading everything she says or does in a perfect light, and no one lives in that, perfect light, what she tells you is one side of a story, and then you are interpreting it, which is another side.

You need to focus on you right now, and as so much is changing, physically, and emotionally, this kind of relationship is not healthy, or a healthy choice for you. I suggest you concentrate on friends right now, that you can count on. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who makes decisions and plays around like this person? I doubt it. I also believe your mother already knows about you, or knows but doesn't accept it. Moms know everything, and people gossip, even if they have no facts, someone has mentioned it. You need to accept you, then decide okay, I am "left handed" I am going to tell my mom, because that is just who I am. If she can't accept it, I know what demon I have to deal with then, and if she does we will be closer.

What other people think about me is none of my business needs to be your motto, you can't change their minds, you are you. Yourself confidence is going to really take off, and you need to make decisions with you in mind. Tell this person that, wish her luck, and cut ties, block her number and delete it! A year from now if you feel the need, you can find her easily, but you need to stop the string pulling she is doing, because, she herself probably doesn't even know how much she is doing of it. You had this surgery for you, now do this for you mentally. Best of luck

My mom agrees now that gay people cannot help who they are, but that they should not act on that desire. But, humans were created for companionship. It's unfair to tell us not to pursue something so pure.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. <3