Non supportive spouse

[Icantbelieveit 954]

I think sometimes they dont want to come off like a big jerk and cheer you on to get wls and you back out and they get painted as not loving you being overweight. Then there is being scared of you dying or botched. The last is the worry of you leaving them afterwards. Some men feel if they love you as you are being overweight, you should feel fine being that way. They dont have all the emotions and pain hauling it around. I think when I redid my will was the scariest time for him. Just try to sit and talk about everything a few weeks before the surgery, so there is no pent up issues for either of you.

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[courtknee_luv 52]

My husband was also unsupportive at first but he has come around now. I'm not getting surgery until November. My mom is going to come help me with the kids during and after surgery so he won't have to take time off work. Can you ask your mom or sister to come visit for support? Maybe offer to pay full or half of their plane tickets?

Every once in a while my H will ask me questions like. "What are you going to do when guys stare at you and hit on you?" I just said "I guess It will just help build my confidence again and that I have no problem with people staring or hitting on me" lol. He was totally shocked with my answer. Whatever!!! It's true. I'm not gonna lie and say "oh that would suck if men like me" lol. People have even told him that I'll probably leave him after I get skinny. I think that's what my hub's biggest concern is. I won't leave him!! Well, unless he gives me a big reason to leave him of course.

Anyway, good luck! Just sit him down and ask him why or what his reasons are for not being supportive. Keep trying, he'll come around hopefully! And I wouldn't put this off for him. You are more important than anyone!! Including your hubs or kids. You come first. As the saying goes... You can't take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself.

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Funny that you mention that your husband asked you about how you will handle other guys hitting on you. I think the prospect of the surgery is awakening some of his own insecurities! Leaving him isn't on my radar, outside of this he is pretty good father and hubby. His communication does suck for lack of a better word lol!!!

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[courtknee_luv 52]

Has your husband ever struggled with weight issues? Mine has never struggled and in fact works in the fitness industry. Unless someone has personally struggled with weight, it is really hard to understand the struggle. Initially, I think my hubby had reservations because of his background in the fitness industry. He has the mindset that anyone can lose and maintain if they just work out more. Even though I had struggled PCOS for years, he just didn't understand. Once I had surgery and he saw how it helped reset my metabolic rate so that finally something was working inspite of my PCOS he was all on board. He sees firsthand that I'm putting in the work and that has completely changed his mindset.

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He had never struggled with his weight he can eat a whole refrigerator and not gain a pound. So he can not relate. I might have to just find something that he can relate to and tie everything in there. And try to move the conversation from there! I'm also glad to hear that even when his background he ultimately came around!!!

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[ready4sleeve 15]

Sounds like we are in the same boat but uuuummm come October this girl is getting sleeved. See my husband met me whe I was 17 years old and a size 4 so he just thinks that this 34 year old can blink and get back like that

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[slvarltx 332]

Change, even for the good, is hard....just do ur best to alleviate his fears and the support should come

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[Universoul_D 14]

I had a guy friend I was somewhat close with. Nothing official but he was around most of the time the last few weeks. I asked him if he would go with me for the EGD and the surgery 2 weeks later. He said yes. He went for the EGD. But flaked all the way out 3 days before my surgery. No phone call, text saying he couldn't take me or anything. Its is now 3 days after and I haven't heard from him and he won't answer my calls. It broke my heart.

Banded 9/6/16

[Butch Luce 100]

I think it's sad so many of you have spouses who are not supportive. I hope you aren't offended by this, but it makes me wonder how strong those relationships are in the first place. Most marriage vows have some wording to the effect of "in sickness and in health". To me, this is a Health issue just like any other surgery except maybe cosmetic. It's YOUR health.

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[courtknee_luv 52]

I had a guy friend I was somewhat close with. Nothing official but he was around most of the time the last few weeks. I asked him if he would go with me for the EGD and the surgery 2 weeks later. He said yes. He went for the EGD. But flaked all the way out 3 days before my surgery. No phone call, text saying he couldn't take me or anything. Its is now 3 days after and I haven't heard from him and he won't answer my calls. It broke my heart.

Banded 9/6/16

Wow that's so sad! My heartbreaks for you sunshine! I hope your feeling pretty well physically and know time heal all wounds, both the wounds we can see and the wounds we can't !

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Edited September 10, 2016 by courtknee_luv

[Rokumok4 53]

My husband of 17 years was not supportive for 2 years that I wanted this done. It was very important to me that I have his support just in case something happened. We have 3 children together. He said he did not want me to have this surgery because this was an elective procedure and he could not handle the risk of losing me and leaving our kids motherless. I get it. 2 years later, he finally came around after I presented my case again, and the kids did too.

Fast forward to now, I had the surgery. My family has been my best support. They walked with me while I was post op, and they had Soups ready for me when I got off work. I could not have gone through this without them.

Note to self: I don't have to take this day all at once but rather one step, one breath and one moment at a time. I am only one person.

Edited September 10, 2016 by kiyatylese

[Social Introvert 28]

I'm so glad someone else is having this struggle! My hubby thinks it's the easy way out and feels that I should just exercise. He thinks I don't eat now as it is and says I will be miserable after because I won't be able to have what I want or go out for dinners with friends. Um hellooooo? All of that got me to where I am now! This has been a struggle for well over half my life now. I'm fed up and ready for things to change!

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I think it's kind of sad when you can't get the support you need from the one you love the most! But to say that "you need to exercise more" is so one sided! If they could only understand the true struggle here! Sometimes there is so much more to the equation than just going to the gym.

[Social Introvert 28]

My husband wasn't against me getting the surgery, he kinda was against me getting it in Mexico! But after a while I got him to see that it's safe in Mexico by having him watch videos to see the facilities and reading the info my doctor sent me. Basically I decided that I was going to do it and he could either be with me or I'll go by myself! Needless to say he's getting his stuff together for his passport! Good luck sweets!

[Aviobell 15]

Not my husband, but my mom said she would help me through this surgery 09/08. She literally tried to leave me at the hospital the first night, complained about not being discharged soon enough 09/09 and decided since I wouldn't get my prescription on the same day, to hell with my pain meds! Lol yesterday when I asked her to walk with me around the block I was "not giving her a break".

I say all this to say, I've decided to stop taking the pain meds so I can do more for myself. I've decided this is what I want to do and this is what I'm gonna do. Verbal and non verbal cues are everything because you take a step back and realize, "me and this person don't have the same problems!"

Next question to myself was how bad do you want it?

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[Lori1432 42]

Geez! Maybe I should be glad to be single! Lol! My dog is very sad about my surgery... No more scraps!

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[courtknee_luv 52]

Geez! Maybe I should be glad to be single! Lol! My dog is very sad about my surgery... No more scraps!

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LOLz ... See I forgot to ask the dog how he felt about this ... Rotfl

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[SoExcited101 190]

I'm so glad someone else is having this struggle! My hubby thinks it's the easy way out and feels that I should just exercise. He thinks I don't eat now as it is and says I will be miserable after because I won't be able to have what I want or go out for dinners with friends. Um hellooooo? All of that got me to where I am now! This has been a struggle for well over half my life now. I'm fed up and ready for things to change!

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ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1473657004.083026.jpg

I think it's kind of sad when you can't get the support you need from the one you love the most! But to say that "you need to exercise more" is so one sided! If they could only understand the true struggle here! Sometimes there is so much more to the equation than just going to the gym.

Love this lol

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