My struggles

[SunshyneRN 4]

I am 5 days post-op gastric sleeve. I have such mixed feelings. I have been overweight for the past 15 years. I have been suffering from depression for the past 25 yrs. I am on meds but seem to depend on sweets to raise my spirits. Of course the sugar rush goes so I eat more...

I was put on zyprexa and ALL of my levels were elevated. I became diabetic, hypertensive and gained 30 lbs. I came off the zyprexa but had to stay on meds for cholesterol, blood pressure, diabetes, and depression. I did lose the 30lbs.

I have a niece that I love dearly. She means the world to me and what kind of example am I setting? I'm successful in my career but I'm 46 and weigh 221. Im always tired and ashamed of myself. I don't have many friends and I fear being around people who don't know me. I don't want to be known as "The girl who has such a pretty face but she should lose some weight." So I hide.

I am hardly ever invited to go anywhere by my peers and it really hurts. I think I might give off the vibe that I don't want to go out. But reality is we all just want to be loved.

My first fiancée just didn't work out after 9 years - he found drugs and alcohol to be more important. My 2nd fiancée cheated on me and had a child with another woman. The last one put me over the edge and I gained weight. I figure if I'm fat I won't be attractive and I won't be able to get my feelings hurt again. So I hide.

I think I put forward the I'm not available vibe for plenty of people larger than me have someone in their life. I just do everything in my power to avoid being hurt again.

I decided to have the surgery and went full steam ahead. I just hope I made the right decision. I hope I can handle it. Anyone have words of wisdom?

Thanks

Beth

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[trekker954 421]

You didn't say the word regret, but mixed feelings. The surgery is over. You need to hang in there, follow your programs instructions to the letter, especially the next couple of months, so whatever feelings you are having pass.

It sounds like you really would benefit from therapy. Did you have psych eval before the surgery (typically required for insurance). Either way, reach out and get some support.

Hugs going your way.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Losing weight isn't going to fix your self esteem issues, are you seeing a therapist? Losing a lot of weight fast creates new and different problems and if you don't have a good handle on yourself and your feelings, you may have a really difficult time.

Your self esteem and self worth should not be tied to how you look or your career or other superficial things. All humans have intrinsic value and worth.

[SunshyneRN 4]

I think you may have misread my intentions. I am struggling with my decision to have the surgery. But it's done. I'm not looking for help/guidance for my depression or self esteem issues. I have been dealing with those issues most of my life and do have help.

I'm not expecting the GSV to solve any of my mental issues just in hope of helping with the hypertension and BP. Of course being able to buy regular size clothes wouldn't hurt either.

What I was saying was that I regret having to have this surgery and am disappointed that I wasn't successful previously. Many overweight people use food as a comfort for many reasons.

I was not prepared for the post-op pain or pain with drinking such a small amt. I get cramps with such a small sip. I also feel pressure like I need to burp but can't get it out. I take omeprazole and have been using gaviscon but the relief has not been great.

I turned to this website for guidance and support. My support system is rather small and I felt this might be a safe place to express myself. I hope you understand that I'm not looking for a "Hey all my life's problems have been solved!"

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[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

What you have said completely resonates with me.....

I was overweight my whole life... tried and failed many many times to lose weight...

I grew up being the social outcast, never fit in, would constantly be the wall flower... had my guard so high up that i never allowed anyone to get close enough to me to form real friendships.

I made the decision to have lap band 8 years ago as i was constantly sick, and on the verge of developing diabetes..had PCOS, was acne ridden, hairy, had no self esteem and did not love myself at all.

i took the plunge and did it... and it was one of the best choices i made!

I lost all my weight, got to goal, completely reversed my insulin resistance and PCOS.

The most surprising side effect of losing weight is that i finally learned to love myself.

Not to say it was an easy road, i lost many friends, it changed me as a person, i no longer was a people pleaser, i stopped caring so much about how others viewed me, i subconsciously was selfish for a while.... and in time i gained my confidence, and that helped me get out of my shell... i made new friends, found new interests... and became the person i am today.

Fast forward a few years, my band failed and i had it removed... i gained a decent amount of weight... and all my self esteem, locking myself away and insulin resistance and pcos came back!

I stopped socialising, i started isolating myself, i lost my groove and could see myself falling back into old habits...

So, let me get to my point.... and answer your question... yes... wls can reverse your diabetes and bp... it has proven to be so for many people.... and you will find that it does not only benefit you physically, but mentally and psychologically....

As someone who has been on literally both ends of the scale, i can tell you that excess weight does not only affect you physically it affects you mentally as well.

You have taken the right steps in regard to your health.. and you are still early out... things get sooooo much easier with time... yes it takes some time to adjust to your new style of eating... but in time it becomes second nature...

Be kind to yourself and your body.. try not to be too hard on yourself... the improvements will happen in time... just understand that initially there is an adjustment period.

I really wish that all your health issues get resolved and i hope in the near future you can come back and say... that aussiegirl81... with all her rambling might be onto something.

Giving you lots of love and support... if you need anything we are here for you ????

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@SunshyneRN

Without struggles in life their will be no progress.

You can absolutely grab this gift of a second chance and make amazing changes. Not only the physical changes, changes in your life.

You are only 5 days out. Its normal to have a buyers remorse.

Don't waste this opportunity you have been given.

Might be time to change on the inside..You deserve the best in life....Fight for it!

No more sitting on the side lines watching life pass you by...Its time to invest in yourself.

The only validation in life you need will come from you! .We will be rooting you on.

[SunshyneRN 4]

Jenn and Aussie

I don't know how to say thank you (guess I just did) for ur kind words and understanding. I know it's early and there will be ups/downs but thanks SO much for sharing ur story. U totally get what I was trying to say. Much love

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[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

You are welcome anytime...

You will find that the story is a common one around here... once you have been around for a while you realise there are some common themes.... regret, struggles, stalls, relationship changes, worries, self esteem issues, psychological changes etc...

Seems that we are not all that different after all... we all come from different countries, cultures, religions, upbringing... but the issues are very similar... so you are never really alone here ????