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You're just my type... You've got a pulse and you are breathing...

-Saint Motel

This song always makes me smile

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Why does tigger bounce on his tail?

He doesn't want to step on pooh!

What can I say...I teach pre k

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(Gilbert Gottfried said this during the Comedy Central roast of Roseanne Barr):

A drunken farmer stumbled upstairs into his bedroom, where his wife Roseanne is.

She sees her husband holding a sheep under his arms.

The farmer yells, "This is the pig I've been f******!"

Roseanne says, "You idiot, that's not a pig. It's a sheep!"

The farmer says, "Shut the f*** up. I was talking to the sheep!"

His placing of those asterisks after the letter "f" is hilarious and pure comedic genius!!!

:)

Edited by 4MRB4PHOTO

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As if you'd expect anything less.... ;)

************************WARNING***********************

********************GRAPHIC LYRICS*****************

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How about the world's shortest joke:

Two women were sitting quietly on a bench.

(Ba-dum Tish)

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My kid told me this one today.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Exactly where you left him.

***************************

And another:

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

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What do you call a cow with no legs??

Ground beef

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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What do you call a boom-a-rang that doesn't come back?

A stick

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Two pirates meet 
in a bar. The first one has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says the second one. “What happened to ya?”


“Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”


“And yer hand?”


“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”


“OK, but what’s with the eye patch? ”


“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”


“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”


“True,” he says. “But it was me first day with the hook.”


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Did you hear about the kidnapping?

He woke up... :)

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    • BeanitoDiego

      I've hit a stall 9 months out. I'm not worried, though. My fitness levels continue to improve and I have nearly accomplished my pre-surgery goal of learning to scuba dive! One dive left to complete to get my PADI card 🐠
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        Amazing! Congrats!!! Watch out for the sharks. 🦈

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