I posted some of this elsewhere, but perhaps this might serve as a helpful guide/reminder as many of us may be quite sensitive immediately pre and post op. Our bodies and minds are going through great changes and quite often, so are our relationships in the real world which completely throws some of us for a loop.

We turn here for support from like minded people but some feel that they aren't getting what they desire. So...a primer on Internet forums. Feel free to add your own reminders.

First. There is no rule that the responses must stop when you feel you got the appropriate answers, nor do they stop if you get answers you don't like. There are threads on this board that get bumped after 2-3 years of dormancy, such is the way of internet forums.

Second, just because you start a thread, it is not YOURS. This is a public forum and you will get answers from the public. Some will be very educated, some will not. Some will be warm and fuzzy, others will be blunt and to the point. And some will be overtly hostile. Take what you want, learn what you can and leave the rest.

Third. You cannot interpret the tone of the author of the post. You can read the words but that does not mean you are clearly interpreting the intent of the message being presented. If you don't like the tone you are perceiving, or are confused by it, ask. I don't mind if you say, "Hey lipstick! You being b!tchy or just straightforward?" Or "I'm really not sure how to take what you just said, care to explain?" It's the mature way to handle things and will often end hard feelings before they start. Maybe someone is having a bad day and totally worded their response badly. Give them a chance to apologize, reword or stand by their words before going off in a tangent.

If you CHOOSE to read someone's comment and tone as perpetually b!tchy, that's on you. You can't control the actions of others, you can only control your reactions. If you can't stand someone, block them. It's easy and you will never have to read their nonsense again.

Fourth. Topics will go off course and discussion will ensue even after the initial question seems to be resolved. The topics presented are NOT just for the benefit of the person who initiated it, but also for other forum participants current and future.

Fifth. Name calling is immature and ridiculous. It's also against forum rules. Don't do it. It totally invalidates every word that comes out of your mouth, past, present and future.

Sixth. Debate is good. Learn from it. Read it with an open mind. Participate civilly. It's ok to disagree.

And my wish...

Wouldn't it be nice if people could put some kind of color coding on their posts? Maybe the text would be black if the OP desires straightforward responses, pink for warm fuzzy responses, red if they want a true kick in the arse, green if they just need to vent but don't necessarily need advice, etc. sigh...

We are all traveling to the same destination. Our paths are different, our method of travel varies. Some roads are long, some short, some rocky, some smooth. The end goal is to get there. I'm there and I'm buying beer and Coke Zero for any and all who get here with me!

@@VSGAnn2014 I guess it went over my head...

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Good post but let's be honest when people are emotion filled they don't always read things objectively. The number of time people claim they are "bullied" here is mind boggling. And the name calling often starts with the "victim". I don't worry about it anymore but it used to really bother me that people got upset as it is never my intention.

I especially like the part about listening to the "debate " I tend to learn more from people who have different experiences than mine.

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Please forgive me for disagreeing, I find it sad that a post needs to be written to remind adults of how to conduct themselves... The same manners you have offline should be brought to online... If you interact poorly with people in the real world, your not going to do any better in the cyber world... I do respect the time it took you to write that detailed post..

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I never mind when people disagree! What do you disagree with?

I do agree that it's sad that reminders like this need to be posted from time to time, but they do. It helps prevent BHS, aka butt hurt syndrome.

My point of disagreement was with people praising the post since I felt it was sad such a post needed to be out there... I'm rather new here and still pre-op, I may have taken your post the wrong way.. I don't feel you should have directly specifically at new people as that suggest we lack knowledge of how to behave online...

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My point of disagreement was with people praising the post since I felt it was sad such a post needed to be out there... I'm rather new here and still pre-op, I may have taken your post the wrong way.. I don't feel you should have directly specifically at new people as that suggest we lack knowledge of how to behave online...

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Yup. You may very well have taken it wrong. My post wasn't to new people on this forum, rather to new people to Internet forums all together.

LipstickLady I totally agree with your post and I appreciate the time you spend trying to referee the fighting.

People needs to remember you cannot determine tone or inflection of a post by READING it.

LipstickLady I totally agree with your post and I appreciate the time you spend trying to referee the fighting.

People needs to remember you cannot determine tone or inflection of a post by READING it.

Heh. I hope you put your helmet and bullet proof vest on for that statement.

But thank you. XXOO

This is all common sense. I guess it isn't to someone who has never used the net for anything besides email.

This is all common sense. I guess it isn't to someone who has never used the net for anything besides email.

Yes, @@Oregondaisy, I agree.

Lately, however, we have has a rash of people telling people HOW they are allowed to respond, what their expectations are on "their" thread, assuming the "tone" of answers simply because said answers didn't give them permission to break their dietary rules, getting upset when a thread didn't stay strictly on topic, and most laughably, telling others to "stay off their threads". (I don't know about y'all, but I rarely look at WHO I am responding to before I hit that post button. Bad habit?) Usually these people have less than 20 posts here at the start of the behaviors so I can only assume they have never been on a public internet forum before.

We have also has quite a few people start inflammatory threads (or bump really old ones) and then delete their comments leaving behind only a little internet poo (.) in it's place.

It's weird.

@@LipstickLady I am so over the drama that a little battle gear doesn't scare me in the least.

LipstickLady I totally agree with your post and I appreciate the time you spend trying to referee the fighting.
People needs to remember you cannot determine tone or inflection of a post by READING it.

Heh. I hope you put your helmet and bullet proof vest on for that statement.

But thank you. XXOO

Wouldn't it be nice if people could put some kind of color coding on their posts? Maybe the text would be black if the OP desires straightforward responses, pink for warm fuzzy responses, red if they want a true kick in the arse, green if they just need to vent but don't necessarily need advice, etc. sigh...

I think this is another instance in which we can "use our words." Letting someone know whether you want advice or just need to vent is a good idea both online and in real life.

Wouldn't it be nice if people could put some kind of color coding on their posts? Maybe the text would be black if the OP desires straightforward responses, pink for warm fuzzy responses, red if they want a true kick in the arse, green if they just need to vent but don't necessarily need advice, etc. sigh...

I think this is another instance in which we can "use our words." Letting someone know whether you want advice or just need to vent is a good idea both online and in real life.

Some people need to state what kind of advice, though. Coddling? Straight forward? Permissive? Fuzzy?

At least I'd know when to skip a post without even opening it.

Wouldn't it be nice if people could put some kind of color coding on their posts? Maybe the text would be black if the OP desires straightforward responses, pink for warm fuzzy responses, red if they want a true kick in the arse, green if they just need to vent but don't necessarily need advice, etc. sigh...

I think this is another instance in which we can "use our words." Letting someone know whether you want advice or just need to vent is a good idea both online and in real life.

Some people need to state what kind of advice, though. Coddling? Straight forward? Permissive? Fuzzy?

At least I'd know when to skip a post without even opening it.

This is true! I generally think "asking for advice" only because you want people to say it's ok to do the not-advised thing you want to do is ridiculous. However, sometimes people have legit reasons for being extra sensitive about particular topics (e.g., They've historically felt a great deal of shame about the subject and have been very, very hard on themselves as a result). I find it helpful to know that so that I can take extra care to be tactful, without holding back the truth, of course. Just my $0.02.

Edited May 31, 201610 yr by gpmed