Feeling Judged

[Ryan TN 348]

And the reason you care that this particular person disapproves of your surgery is.....?

Also, why is it always the fat ones that seem to disapprove?

What babbs said about the fat ones is true. The biggest guy in my department, no kidding like 400 pounds was the one who tried to talk me out of surgery. It must be some way of coping, in some way they want you to stay fat to make themselves feel better, I'm guessing? Idk, but I finally told him, look if you don't have words of encouragement to say, just don't any anything at all.

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[Bufflehead 6,358]

@@Ryan TN so true! The only slightly negative feedback I got about my surgery was from someone who is overweight. I just laughed in her face! Every slim person in my life has been so encouraging and supportive and happy for me. And to be honest I have to look back and think there were times in my life, way way pre-op, when I probably would have thought less than kind and supportive things about people getting wls. I never would have SAID those things out loud though! I can put my foot in my mouth sometimes but even I am not that bad.

[jane13 2,256]

@@Bufflehead - LOL

Got to be careful though, some folks get offended if you say "bless your heart", I personally feel it is necessary in cases just like this

[Clementine Sky 707]

Her comments are passive aggressively malicious and entirely inappropriate. This isn't your sister or your best friend since childhood, and even if she had that vital, intimate role, she still wouldn't be the one living in your body and leading your life. Only you know can fully understand your own experiences and your own reasons for having the surgery. Perhaps she would like to have the surgery but doesn't have the means for it, or has an unsupportive spouse or something of that nature, and her comments are fueled by jealousy she's trying to disguise as concern. I'm a very sensitive person and would have a hard time not being affected by comments like that, too, but do try to not let them steal your happiness. I would just very politely but firmly tell her that if you ever are needing her input or advice you will be sure to go to her and let her know, but while at work you really want to focus on work. If she ever tells you that others are talking about you, tell her that it reminds you of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." She also said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Do not give that consent to this woman or anyone else. You have every reason to be proud of your achievements.

[Eustacia Vye 12]

I confided in two friends with whom I work and they joined together to try to convince me against it the minute they found out and they are both health professionals who know my history with pcos and insulin resistance.They may want the best for you but only you know how hard you have struggled. and once you make a decision about your own health as an adult, others should respect it and you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone. Tell her you don't want to talk about it at work anymore. And if that doesn't cut it, smile and tell her "it's done now, time to move on". And then, walk away from her.

I personally did not confide in anyone else beside those two friends and my sister. This whole process is stressful not to mention painful. It takes courage and dedication to go trough something like this. Focus on getting yourself back to health rather than her comments. She maybe conflicted about her own decisions regarding her own health and trying to justify her own inability to come to a conclusion.

Congratulations on the 73 pounds down by the way!

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

Aww i am sorry you had to deal with that kind of judgement.

I would take her aside as tell her straight up that this is your journey and choice and that you do not appreciate the additional pressure and judgement on top of what you are going through.

You are doing what is right for you... and perhaps in a warped way she thought she was giving you good advice.... but this is your journey. . Ignore the naysayers and forcus on doing you.

In a few months when you are looking and feeling fabulous.. they will realise you made the right choice...

Congratulations on your weight loss... you have done an amazing job so far... keep doing what you are doing.... and ignore them...

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

My advice is to be direct to her. Tell her you have everything under control and are adhering to the program to a tee and will continue to take advice from your doctor and support staff and if she has any questions about how WLS and afterwards, you will gladly give her their number if she has questions. Tell her you appreciate her obvious concern but her comments make you feel uncomfortable and are not welcomed in the future.

Tell her your life is yours to champion or fail...and not her concern.

[animallover1247 249]

I know how you feel. I didn't intend on telling my coworkers about the surgery but I was forced to do so through no fault of my own (another story). I typed a letter and explained why I was having WLS which was essentially due to many medical problems that are weight related (diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea). Everyone was really supportive..but that didn't last. About four weeks after surgery I made a comment the acid reflux was killing me. My size 1 (formerly size 0) coworker said so you have acid reflux and your hair is going to fall out? And your doing this all because you want to be skinny? I would rather be fat!

First of all I never once said I wanted to be skinny. I said I wanted to be healthy and stop taking so much medication. Secondly, what the hell does a size 1 person know about being morbidly obese? Lastly I never said my hair would fall out, I said it COULD fall out.

I was really angry and then I realize I had to let it roll off my back.

People are idiots and it only gets to you if you let it.

[IrishGermanRN 151]

Oh my word! Wait I need to pick my jaw off the floor.

Next time tell her no thanks to the negative advice with a smile

[CanadaLoser 80]

She's jealous. Plain and simple. She is taking out her jealousy by putting doubts in your head.

Ignore her and give her even more to be jealous about

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

@jennmcd623 - You go girl! 73 pounds. Wave a flag! Blare a trumpet. You are moving in the right direction.

As to your co-worker - I'm not good at diplomacy -- too many years of being a trial lawyer. I would after listening quietly, say "And what medical school did you go to?" Oh, you didn't? Well, my medical team thinks differently, so STFU!!!!!"

Be loud and be proud, girl. You are mighty and a warrior who is winning this battle.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I was sleeved on 3/7/16. I had some complications and was off of work for a total of 7 weeks. When I came back I had a lot of coworkers who have been super supportive and have been encouraging me through my journey. I have been an open book with everyone about my journey. The problem is I have one coworker who came up to me yesterday and wanted to talk to me in private. She is a little bigger and I thought she was going to ask me for advice. Instead she told me that she doesn't understand why I did the surgery. She said in the 2 years she has worked with me she has never seen me try to diet or anything (which isn't true) and she said that I shouldn't have done the surgery snd I should have tried harder. She doesn't know my past and how I have struggled for years of dieting and failing. She said that I should have tried harder with dieting. By time I had stated working with her I had severe depression and had given up on weight loss working for me.

She was really upset that the other day I had gone to Subway with some other coworkers and had gotten a salad, which she didn't go, and I had gotten less lettuce and more Protein, and also added my own Protein that I brought (because I was prepared and knew I was going) she said that I shouldn't be going out and that I should be bringing my own food, that I am falling into my old ways and that I am going to fail at this weight loss too. She said she isn't the only one that feels that way at work and that there are others but they won't come up to me and tell me. I'm not sure of the truth to that, but it makes me feel extremely self conscious while I am at work.

This is the first time I've had anyone have negative response to my surgery. I feel really defeated about this and it is bothering me so much more than I feel it should. Any advise?

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I would have told her that I didn't understand why she was such an assmuncher, but that's just me.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

@@Bufflehead - LOL

Got to be careful though, some folks get offended if you say "bless your heart", I personally feel it is necessary in cases just like this

they *really* get offended if you say - "Bless. you're some kind of special, aint ya?"

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

they *really* get offended if you say - "Bless. you're some kind of special, aint ya?"

@@Bufflehead - LOL

Got to be careful though, some folks get offended if you say "bless your heart", I personally feel it is necessary in cases just like this

Gunness, gracious, you don't want to offend people? They'll squeal gleefully like little piglets if, with widened, incredulous eyes, you say, "Thank you ever so much. You've given me a whole new way to look at things."

"Watson, the scalpel!"

[OKCPirate 5,323]

George Bush Sr. tells the story when 60 Minutes tried to do an interview with him on the eve of W's Gulf War and he said, "no." The producer said, "you don't undestand sir this is 60 Minutes, this is history." Bush replied, "no you don't understand, I no longer give a sh!t, I'm going fishing." I remembered that story when my ex wife was complaining about something, and if dawned on me "I don't have to participate in your drama." That was a liberating moment.

So ask yourself "do I have to participate in the drama", and "do I give a rip?" If NO then don't. And be sure to feel good about it.