Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

When do you tell someone new you're dating you've had WLS?



Recommended Posts

@@gpmed - I "came out" around the 3rd date. It has turned out to be a great thing. We usually split an entree when we eat out now. It works out great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If a guy is going to have a problem with it, I prefer to find out as soon as possible...I'm 38 and running out of time to waste on guys who are going to get weird on me, lol. I usually bring it up on the first date if it doesn't come up in conversation before we meet...just casually. Like going bowling and he goes, "You want fries?" and I'll say, "Oh, no thank you! I had weight loss surgery, need to stay away from those"

Sometimes it backfires and the guys get weird, sometimes - surprise - they'll go, "Oh me too!".

Sometimes - true story - they'll ask a bunch of overly intimate questions about the state of your skin and how it felt to be "so huge", then they'll disappear. Better to know now than a month in after you start to catch feelings, right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I think it's fine, and even admirable, to tell people about it, especially if you're 'seriously' dating and looking for a long-term partner rather than just 'casual' dating.

Here's a cautionary example of how not to bring it up. When I was dating (online) I was chatting with a fellow and he seemed nice so I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee. He said "I can't have coffee". I said, "how about tea?" He got a bit snappy, and said that he'd had bypass surgery and couldn't have hot beverages or carbonated beverages. After that I just did the fade away. I didn't give a fig that he'd had WLS, but it really bothered me that he seemed so put out by a normal suggestion and unable to adapt to his own circumstances. He didn't even suggest an alternative. Meeting for coffee is a normal thing, but if you can't have coffee for whatever reason, just don't order the coffee! I wouldn't have even noticed if he sat there sipping Water.

If someone invites you to a hot-dog eating contest, of course you're not going to eat 27 hot-dogs, but you can still offer to do something else. food and drink are social lubricants - especially when you're dating. Being up-front and positive about what a great thing WLS has been for you rather than a downer about the stuff you can no longer do is the way to go. Someone who's terrified to date you because you used to be fat, is not someone who's going be supportive long-term.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@Teapot You're right. That was a terrible way to respond. I gave up beef and pork more than 10 years ago for my own personal reasons and I've learned to be adaptable, just the way you describe. You just have to figure it out, which isn't that hard, and not expect people to accommodate you. I've found this pretty easy to do post-surgery too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 60 years old female. I'm engaged, three months now. I haven't told my fiancée about my WLS and I don't intend to. My surgery was long before I even met him. I believe it's personal and I don't have to share it with anyone. I haven't made it a point to tell him about my tubal ligation or tonsillectomy... my WLS is just another surgery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Stacyp44

      surgery on thursday im so excited
      · 1 reply
      1. Candace76

        Congrats & good luck!😊

    • summerset

      How's everyone doing? I'm still fighting insurance company over plastics.
      Many changes at work are coming up. It's very stressful but there are also some opportunities involved, both in regards to personal development and promotion.
      · 1 reply
      1. XtinaDoesIt

        I didn't think insurance was even possible for plastics? I figured it would all be out of pocket?

    • Butterflyeffect

      Hi everyone, I finally reached Onederland, yay!! Feels great and I have no regrets. Still a way to go but so much closer now. Thanks for all the support and tips along the way. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • MARSHAHUNTER

      Hi Everyone, I’m Marsha i was sleeve on July 8th.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • alysia.rush

      UPDATE: 
      I was down to lowest weight of 117, kept around 123 for couple years, but recently due to covid gained back. got back up to 146, been trying to bounce back some and right now am at 140. Goal 117-120 ish.
      Experimenting with Macros:
      Keto- 900 calories
      Fat 75%, Net carbs 5%, Protein 20%.
      7/17/21: Day one: lightheaded, tired, randown, headache, not really that hungery, but thinking of food consistently, also but out alcohol and sugar, blah.
       
      · 2 replies
      1. Candace76

        Wishing you luck to get back where you want to be!😊

      2. alysia.rush

        Thank you!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×