my husband left me 10 days before surgery! 2 days before valentines day! cant believe this. he said he rather leave me now because after surgery when i loose weight i would not care or love him anymore! is this really happening to me!??

Wow, that sucks!

I'm really sorry to hear what is going on. It sounds like he has some real insecurities about the relationship. A lot of people go to marriage counseling throughout this process because of all the changes. You could talk to him and assure him your love is unconditional, and that you need him by your side. See if he is willing to work on it together.

Wow. I agree maybe try counseling if not, you don't need that kind of stress on you and you will have plenty to focus on yourself.

I am so very sorry that this has happened. You need to try to get him into marriage counseling. I have read that this is not an uncommon event. You have so much going on right now. You have to hang in there. Talk with him. Tell him that a change in you physically will NOT change how much you love him. Tell him that his support is valuable always, but especially now. You are facing major surgery. You really need him now! He must feel very insecure and jealous that someone might come along and steal you from him. Reassure him! I pray you two can work things out, and that your surgery goes well and he stays by your side.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Yes if he is willing please go to counseling.

Wow how selfish of him. I am so sorry for you! If you want him I say counseling like others, if not be encouraged you can try again and know that this could be a potential issue to deal with next time before you get too involved. I am really sorry you have to deal with this crap!!

I get the feeling that there is more to his discontent other than the size and shape of the human container that you reside in. A hubby who cares about your health and well-being would not even think of pulling a stunt like this.

Bariatric surgery has a way of exposing the raw dynamics of our relationships. It is painful, but it gives us the opportunity to know what people really think about us.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Since you get to re-invent yourself anyway with the physical changes that are coming, maybe this painful situation will eventually work out to your advantage.

Hang in there and do what you have to do to get healthy. Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago.

thank you ladies, but he said he doesnt need couseling. he is just shutting all the doors on me. i told him my body will change but not my heart. but he doesnt care. in the beginning he was supportive about my decision but after eveything changed. im doing everything on my own not even once did he go with me to any of my appointments. im on my 2 week pre-op liquid diet and he eats in front of me and even jokes about the protein shakes i have to drink. its so hurtful. and today he decided to leave me. he said he is too old and that he is not going to wait the moment i loose weight and leave him thats all he said. he is 40 and im 32 he always making a big deal about the age. saying that ill look for somebody younger. i just dont understand whats wrong with him.

Edited February 12, 201610 yr by Yadie2006

I get the feeling that there is more to his discontent other than the size and shape of the human container that you reside in. A hubby who cares about your health and well-being would not even think of pulling a stunt like this.

Bariatric surgery has a way of exposing the raw dynamics of our relationships. It is painful, but it gives us the opportunity to know what people really think about us.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Since you get to re-invent yourself anyway with the physical changes that are coming, maybe this painful situation will eventually work out to your advantage.

Hang in there and do what you have to do to get healthy. Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago.

thank you ????

I'm really sorry. And I hate to say it, but sometimes blessings come in tough times. Best wishes to you. You deserve to be healthy.

That is so awful. I'm so terribly sorry.

I don't know much about your situation other than what you've shared.

But you may never be able to figure out what's wrong with him. Some people are just broken in ways that don't "make sense." But they are nonetheless broken.

My advice to you would be to accept (for now) that this is the way it's going to be and to go forward by yourself. Whether you continue to go forward without him or whether that changes in the future, don't argue with "what is."

And give yourself as much love as you can possibly give yourself, for you are so worthy of love. And because we always forget to love ourselves -- the ones who most need it.

I'm so sorry.! Try to resolve even more to take care of yourself during this difficult time and continue to ask for support when you need it.

thank you ladies, but he said he doesnt need couseling. he is just shutting all the doors on me. i told him my body will change but not my heart. but he doesnt care. in the beginning he was supportive about my decision but after eveything changed. im doing everything on my own not even once did he go with me to any of my appointments. im on my 2 week pre-op liquid diet and he eats in front of me and even jokes about the Protein shakes i have to drink. its so hurtful. and today he decided to leave me. he said he is too old and that he is not going to wait the moment i loose weight and leave him thats all he said. he is 40 and im 32 he always making a big deal about the age. saying that ill look for somebody younger. i just dont understand whats wrong with him.

What an insecure selfish prick move that was.

So.......surgery to improve your health was all it took to run him off ?????

He's got tons of issues that will take years that work through....... And if he is even man enough at some point to work through them.

Have the surgery and improve every aspect of your life that you can. You'll find a real man who is unselfish and values you and your choices.

If he's younger.......then all the better.

Get revenge through getting healthy and living each day to the fullest.

Go ahead and cry and wail. Kick something--just not the dog. Cry some more. You deserve a good cry. You've earned it. I believe a good cry helps to cleanse the soul and refresh one's spirit.

After you have cried until you have no more tears, try to "refocus". Now is YOUR time. Time just for YOU. Consider this time of solitude to be a gift to yourself, from yourself, love yourself.

After surgery, when you are living your new life, maybe you and your husband can work things out, but now is not the time to stress yourself with HIS issues.--and I'm feeling he has plenty. Now is your time to concentrate on YOU!

Never said this path of WLS will be easy. I'm just saying that it is sooooooo worth it.

Your on my prayer chain now. There are prayers surrounding you from folks you don't even know. Those prayers will keep you safe hopefully from anti-healthy thoughts and worries.

Please, post often and let us know how you are doing and feeling. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. --not as long as we are here.