Losing friends...

[cookielover 1]

How many of you lost a friend because of your weight loss? Now I know we can argue that they weren't very good friends if you lost them, however it is a question that has been nagging at me. People get used to me being the chubby girl, and they sometimes are not comfortable with change. Hey and when I get a hotter body then they have (which I will) I wonder if there will be some bitterness? I know my true blue friends will stick by me...but will they? Change is hard on every body. What is your experience?

[Jachut 487]

I havent lost a single friend. Its true, if you lose friends over something liek that, they were never true friends, sad as that is.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I honestly don't think I have lost any friends, they have all become beter friends. I am willing to do more with them and have more fun shopping ect. I think it has made me closer to people not the opposite. Family is another matter....

[voodookitty 0]

That's an interesting thought really. True, they aren't true friends if they don't love the new you BUT we've all made friends at times out of a common interest/goal. I still have gf's that I've known since my early teens but the biggest diff I notice now is that we have NOTHING but the past in common any more. It's like we're friends out of habit.

I was amazed when I got married in Dec just how many of my very long term guy friends dropped off the radar. It wasn't like I'd been romantic with any of them at any time but suddenly they just disappear. I guess in the male mind alot of times they either think your dh won't be cool with it, or they think some twisted thing like...'oh, yet another woman off the market I'll never get to bang. Better write this one off'.

As per my gf's, I can think of one that has gotten downright bitchy and nasty about the prospect of no longer being the only 'hot' one in the group. oh well.

[pamla68 1]

I have't lost friends, however, a few of their attitudes towards me have changed. It is as if they are intimidated by me. I'm not at goal so I'll see if it gets any worse.

[cookielover 1]

:thinkWell there is this one dear friend that I am thinking about. She has gotten heavier in the last year, and all she does is diet- to no success. I asked her if she would be interested in lapband, but she said she did not have "that kind of money" for surgery; since we in Canada are self-pay. Lately she has been coming up with reasons why I should not have the surgery- too dangerous, not enough weight loss to warrent extreme measures, ect. She has also stopped calling and visiting me. We used to see eachother everyday. I am beating my head against the wall- BECAUSE I HAVENT EVEN LOST A POUND YET!, and my surgery is not until October. I don't have too many friends, because I am also sick and can not work, I just moved to a new city, so I have no connections. I have one other really good friend, which I know I will keep, but I am so sad at the loss of this one...I am down 50% of my friends.

[mistyone 0]

I lost someone who I thought was one of my closest friends. But when I think about it, we were also eating buddies. Maybe she will come around.

[AnnaMC 0]

Amy, Does your Doctor's group offer any type of therapy? Mine does and one of the first things he told me was that people will treat me differently, and I will treat others diferently. It remains to be seen. However my sister, who is heavy has treated me differently. anyway, I will be your friend!

[voodookitty 0]

Amy, you will have lots of friends here. Maybe there is even someone local to you. I know how you feel. I moved to the UK almost a year ago to marry my hubby. It gets very lonely. DH is my best friend but as far as a gf, I just don't really have any here. I've found that my being American can automatically seperate me from the women here for some reason.

It can be hard when you're both speaking English and yet you can't understand one another. lol I think the closest I have to a gf here are the ladies at my office and that's more of polite exchange. Not the heart to heart discussions and lets go shopping kinda gf. Big ((((hugs)))) to you, sweetie.

[chefschoon 0]

I think as a man things are different because men act differently towards friends then women, however my friends have started inviting me out more, I think because I look totally different then I did before, and my confidence is up, so I am more happy to be around, if that makes any since. It is a new thing for me, never having any self confidience my entire life, now all of the sudden as the weight goes down I feel better about myself. Even though I am married, I have more women coming towards me now then I ever have.

[Fran 1]

I have a very dear friend who stopped calling me and does not return my phone calls after I lost 102 pounds. Perhaps the friendship is not what I thought it was.

Fran

[sbee 0]

I have a friend who thought briefly about getting banded but her hubby was against it. She flat out told me, "I don't think you should have surgery. I'd think you be more sucessfull we did it together so how about we just diet together and you not have the surgery." :rolleyes I'm not even banded yet but hope to be within the next few months so we'll see if she sticks around (hope so). I hope she re-examines the band.

[Anyalee 0]

Hm interesting question! I had not thought about this at all. I wonder if anybody's sig others have had adverse reactions to the weight loss?

[NanaRenan 0]

I saved a fortune from a fortune cookie a few years ago, it said:

Your modesty convicts others.

Pretty deep if you think on it a bit.

By my age I've experienced it plenty in different ways....but the simplest analogy is dish detergent and deodarant.

I use Dawn, because I think it's does the best job for the best price.

And I use Secret, for the same reason.

Since those things are so personal, you probably don't mind me having that opinion if you use something different.

But, when it comes to something bigger than product selection -- something like LIFESTYLE, your FRIEND making a radical change could feel like a condemnation of YOUR lifestyle. Even if those words are never uttered.

I used to get together regularly with a group of gals for long lunches at a local resturant. When we started all but 1 was a smoker. By the time we stopped, over 4 years later, I was the last one still smoking. I confess to a feeling of being betrayed each time one of them quit. They never said anything, never preached at me, nothing. I just didn't like it that they were changing and I wasn't.

Just something to think about. I wouldn't immediately dismiss someone as not having been a REAL friend if they let some distance come between you -- think of how much WE have to process to accustom ourselves to the new ME.....they need time, too.

[Anyalee 0]

Congrats on your approval Nana!