Having second thoughts

[Mrs.A.Train 20]

I'm scheduled to have my surgery on January 13th....I know I'm not gonna be able to eat anything for 2 weeks because of my pre- op diet but the guy that I'm with is having me cook Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him nd dinner for our daughter as well....then he tells me if I can't handle that then I should leave nd go to my family house until I have my surgery...so right now I'm not sure what I should do any suggestions

[1Irene 10]

You are in fight or flight mode. When on a airplane going down you are taught to help yourself first so that you are able to help others later! Take care of yourself first you've come this far why turn back. Rather ask your self why he's not doing the cooking & giving you the support that you deserve. Do this for you! Don't allow someone else's insecurities jeopardize your goals. Possibly a loving heart to heart convo is needed here. Set some boundaries. People get away with what we allow. Don't allow him to sabotage something that could change your life for the better. Hope this helps. Everything handled in love has a positive outcome.

[FrankyG 1,450]

Is he threatening you somehow - "you'll make horrible fatty dinners or else!"

Make what you feel comfortable making for your family. If they want something else, then he is a grown adult (I'm assuming) that knows how to read the back of a package or find a restaurant on his own, right?

But the big picture is that he is being extremely unsupportive and selfish, and undermining you - saying if you can't do this, you should get out if you can't provide him what he wants... if he's husband/relative/significant other, maybe you need to assess just what you're getting out of this relationship if he can't be happy and supportive of you having this surgery?

And it is VERY telling that you yourself are unclear about your relationship with this partner - you call him "the guy that I am with" which is distant and cold - and a weird way to define a relationship that you're happy with. Do some deep thinking and try to talk to this guy and see if you're both really, truly happy and supportive of each other, or maybe it's time to go your separate ways if this is the level of intimacy that you currently have.

Maybe you should leave and go stay with relatives... and then make the leaving permanent and go find a nice place for yourself and your kid(s) without this guy.

Edited December 30, 2015 by FrankiesGirl

[mrs.blanco 12]

He sounds like he is insecure with your relationship. he is afraid if you lose all your weight you will get your confidence back and not want to be with him. Thats why he is trying to sabatoge you. girl do this for you and your kids and dont let anyone stop you from getting healthy and happy.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

If you were to go to your family's house because you can't handle cooking, how was he planning on having his meals cooked?

Maybe you should take him up on his offer and leave him. He doesn't sound very supportive.

[lauraellen80 854]

To quote Dan Savage, "DTMFA."

(Dump The Mother-F****r Already)

[Miss Mac 6,261]

@@4MRB4PHOTO said what I was going to say.......call his bluff. This sounds like a one-sided relationship to me, where everything is done for his benefit, the way he wants when he wants it.

My mean ol' rotten ex husband fought me tooth and nail on going back to school. "What am I going to do while you are in class. Maybe I should just wait out in the car."

He fought me on driving myself to work. He followed me to work and back.

He fought me on medical care and impeded any effort to get care. He constantly minimized my health concerns.

He fought me on healthy eating, and I gained fifty pounds in the ten years I tolerated that sham of a marriage. He was always bring sweets home and told me that I ruin every meal with vegetables.

My father-in-law would rather have starved to death than go in the kitchen to get his own food.

My dear bariatric sister.....it is time to set some boundaries. Bariatric surgery has a way of exposing the dynamics of our relationships. The people around you will quickly reveal what value or purpose you are to them, once you take control of your own life.

Thank goodness you are a grown woman who can make her own health decisions without anyone else's approval. I wish you good luck and good health.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

I'm scheduled to have my surgery on January 13th....I know I'm not gonna be able to eat anything for 2 weeks because of my pre- op diet but the guy that I'm with is having me cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him nd dinner for our daughter as well....then he tells me if I can't handle that then I should leave nd go to my family house until I have my surgery...so right now I'm not sure what I should do any suggestions

Here's my question: Why would the demands of "the guy I'm with" or anybody make your doubt your decision to of yourself by having surgery? You have (I'm certain) done a lot of work to get this far in the process. You've been the kind of patient and persistent that is necessary to get this far. Please don't let anyone derail you now, or at any other point in the process. You are doing this to become a healthier you, which will benefit everyone around you, most especially your daughter. You don't say how old she is, but you are modeling for her taking responsibility for your own health, and, moving forward, living a healthy lifestyle.

Based on what you've heard from others here, here is another thought: If this relationship isn't the kind of partnership you want your daughter to have in her future, give some serious thought to the example she is learning from you and your choices. Those of us who struggle with obesity often have trouble choosing life partners, because we feel we have to settle for less than what we deserve. And that isn't true, not for you or any of the rest of us. Every human being deserves a life partner who loves us for who we are, not for what we do (or don't do) for them. Do the best preparation you can for your surgery and your new, healthier you.

[ttdish 315]

Sounds like there is a lot of weight in your life you could drop before surgery. Obviously, make sure your daughter is fed, but beyond that, take care of YOURSELF. If he can't deal with that, you really should reevaluate your relationship. Having this surgery can put a strain on healthy relationships, so imagine how difficult it will be to maintain a rocky one. If he isn't supporting you now, he probably won't support you later, when you really need it.

All the best to you!

~*~ Find me on YouTube: Trisha's Sleeve Story ~*~

[Mrs.A.Train 20]

Thank u all for ur advice I just don't no which way to turn bcuz I haven't talked to my family about me having surgery at all it was brought up but I didn't tell them except my cousin that I was having surgery on January 13, nd she's trying to talk me out of it saying its to soon but I was ready....I let my daughter no what's going on she's 10 yrs old nd she understands that I need to get healthy bcuz I have so many health problems going on with myself so she says if its gonna keep me here longer with her go for it so I went for it

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Hang in there. Don't let people try to talk you out of following through on a decision you've made that will mean a healthier future for you and for your daughter. Stick to your guns and do what you need to to take care of yourself, and her. Are your family likely to be supportive?

[atontor 1,068]

It's unfortunate you're dealing with an issue like that. You can still cook for him but don't lose focus of your goal . I'm the cook in my house and I was enjoying my time cooking knowing it was bringing a smile to their faces but I never lost focus of my goal. Here a recent pic. Hopefully it inspires.

[Mrs.A.Train 20]

Atontor ur looking handsome nd great

[Mrs.A.Train 20]

2goldengirl I haven't really told my family about my surgery... I told my dad nd step mom but my dad was trying to talk me out of it just like my cousin so I just stop saying anything at all...I have so many health issues its not even funny so I thought mayb if I have surgery most of these things would leave it just hurts me just thinking about it

[2goldengirl 2,076]

I'm really sorry you don't have any support at home. Do the best you can and come hang out with us here, we're supportive!