Other surgeries to explain scars to new partner

[Shainadelphia 69]

I don't feel like telling my new partner about my sleeve surgery. And by partner I really mean lover - not looking for anything more right now.

I get keloid scaring - raised and red and ridged-so even though surgery was three months ago they are VERY obvious.

So, does anyone have any suggestions of another surgery that would look similar? He is a doc so it will be hard to come up with something believable.

I'm sure some will say just tell him. But I have had a lot of other surgeries and scars that I will have to tell him and I'm already very self conscious about those.

Thanks.

[TakeitorSleeveit 124]

The location of the laparoscopic scars for the Sleeve Surgery are *almost* identical to the ones I had for my gallbladder surgery.

[RickM 1,753]

I think that whatever you tell him, he will know, as the rapid weight loss will tell him. Perhaps you can come up with a credible alternate procedure that would produce those scars (and most any abdominal lap procedure will produce similar scars, gallbladder perhaps?) but in the absence of WLS, the rapid weight loss is usually a red flag for something being seriously wrong - the most immediate concern to most who see us after a few weeks or months without knowledge of our WLS is cancer.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Well, I had gall bladder surgery 4 weeks after VSG surgery. And honestly, the incisions (made by the same surgeon) looked just the same and were in the same spots.

You could go with that.

?

[Shainadelphia 69]

Perfect!! Gall bladder it is!!

Thanks guys!!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I think that whatever you tell him, he will know, as the rapid weight loss will tell him. Perhaps you can come up with a credible alternate procedure that would produce those scars (and most any abdominal lap procedure will produce similar scars, gallbladder perhaps?) but in the absence of WLS, the rapid weight loss is usually a red flag for something being seriously wrong - the most immediate concern to most who see us after a few weeks or months without knowledge of our WLS is cancer.

I really disagree with this. No one knows about my surgery and no one is raising the red flags. I am very active every day, and the way I eat has changed. People that are already thin and healthy (both of those are key), are not concerned about rapid weight loss. Mainly because you are still fat to them.

Tell him hernia repair. You might have to have your gall bladder out later, so you don't want to tell that one, but a hernia repair can match the scars.

In spite of what some people on here think, there is no reason to tell everyone you meet that you had surgery. I have been dating someone for almost 2 months and he is non the wiser about my surgery even though I have lost probably 20-30lbs since I have met him and I don't eat that much. Lots of thin women don't eat that much either, it isn't some crazy red flag to normal people.

Edited December 14, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[Champ715 207]

I told people at work that I had stomach surgery to remove an abdominal mass. Granted, they can't see my scars but I had to explain the absence from work and the weight loss. I'm 2 1/2 month out and have lost 35 pounds but nobody has really noticed yet (or at least nobody has said anything).

[mark1733 224]

I'm not trying to sound mean but why is it that people try to keep this a secret? Once the weight starts dropping it's going to be obvious. If this partner is what you say they are just be honest.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Later if he finds out the truth about your WLS, he will feel deceived. Also, if he ever saw a picture when you were heavier or someone commented about your weight loss, or for that matter "bat wings" or other signs of stretched skin, he would know.

Don't say anything, if it is brought up, IMHO you should be honest.

Go with the gallbladder surgery approach if you feel comfortable. If he is the one and you ever needed gallbladder surgery in the future (knock on wood), just tell him "it's a miracle, it must have grown back like the leg of a starfish".

[TinyTink 268]

I can't imagine him saying anything the first time you are intimate. Assuming he is also just looking for a lover right now, his focus isn't going to be on any scars. Just my 2 cents.

[libby43 136]

I wouldn't lie but would not answer until ready to do so. You don't owe anyone anything concerning your medical health. If he was to ask I would just tell him not ready to be open about me medical surgeries at this time. But assure him you are well and doing good. I had my gallbladder done 17 years ago and my sleeve done almost 5 months. The scares are nothing a like.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm not trying to sound mean but why is it that people try to keep this a secret? Once the weight starts dropping it's going to be obvious. If this partner is what you say they are just be honest.

There is no reason to tell some dude you are banging for the winter your life story when you are going to ditch him as soon as the weather changes.

I doubt he is passing his credit report and recommendations from former lovers across the table.

If you aren't in a serious relationship there is no reason to disclose.

People lose weight naturally all the time, the majority of normal people don't assume you are losing because of surgery especially when you work out and eat properly.

Edited December 14, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[LipstickLady 25,682]

"It's personal."

Leave it at that. If he is a FWB and that's it, you don't owe him any more than that.

[mark1733 224]

I figure if she's asking in social media for advice that he might be more than fwb. If that's all he is then by all means she don't owe him anything but there's got to be more to it if she is wondering what to do. I just don't get the secrecy but everyone is different I guess

[Dub 10,061]

Lights off.....pants on the ground........let it ride.

Little lies are still lies.

You will not likely fool him with any such story, either.