I think I have lost someone that I thought was a close friend. She's been kind of 'short' with me lately and I finally asked her if something was wrong (family, job, etc.).

She blurted out that she can't believe I had the surgery done, that there were so many other (better) options for me.

Luckily this was via a text message. I don't know what I would have said or done if it had been face to face. But am glad I was sitting on the couch because my head spun and I felt so ... Fill in the blank: angry/pissed/disappointed.

I just responded that I did what I personally felt was the right thing, for me, and it is a decision that I will have to live with.

I'm not at all unhappy I did this. Sure, there were some bumps along the way, some things I wish could have been different regarding my hospital stay. But all-in-all, I'm thrilled to be off medications that were no longer working well for me.

I don't know how I can mend the friendship, but at this point, I have no desire to.

Lyrics from a song that Celtic Woman sings pop to mind: "I've lost the friends that I needed losing, found others on the way."

I guess only time will tell if she will remain a friend, or one that 'needed losing' in my journey.

she sounds like a bad friend and that sucks because well some of my friends are closer to me than my family members and i would hate to lose them but this is your life and if she cant deal than its time to get on the nope train to f that sh*tsville

I wouldn't even waste the time/breath it would take me to tell her to suck my shrinking ass. But that's just me.

Goodbye and good riddance.

She is threatened by your success. So sad.

Life changes in a positive direction will show you who your friends are. !!

I think Yaberhoo is spot on. Either she is heavy also and will feel threatened by the 'new you' or she is not heavy and will feel threatened by the 'new you'.

Perhaps she understands that you have the more engaging personality and when you achieve a body to go with that, you will go places she just can't go.

Either way, some folks are just 'stuck on stupid' ...

-RC-

I am texting with her as we speak. It's like we are acquaintances. I am happy no matter what! I know the decision I made was the best for me.

Side note: the pharmacy just called to remind me that it was time to refill prescriptions. Guess what, Mr. Pharmacist, I am no longer on lisinoprel, lantus, or humalog. Hahahahahaha!

I had a similar experience with a close friend 1 year pre-op. When I mentioned the possibility of WLS he got mad at me, begging me to avoid it and he battered me with lots of emails containing links to all types of ridiculous supplements and fad diets.

I never told him about my WLS and he's remained very overweight with all the standard health issues.

So glad I kept quiet about the surgery as I'd still be getting lectured. He consults with me regularly now, asking for tips, and I provide generic advice.

He really needs WLS, as his health has continued to degrade ...

I had a similar experience with a close friend 1 year pre-op. When I mentioned the possibility of WLS he got mad at me, begging me to avoid it and he battered me with lots of emails containing links to all types of ridiculous supplements and fad diets.

I mentioned the possibility of WLS to several coworkers about 4 years ago (obviously I have been exploring this for a long time). One inundated me with every horror story you could think of, complications of folks she knew that ended up almost dead, unable to eat at all, etc. etc.

Another coworker became pregnant at the age of 40. You guessed it, the horror stories came out: someone she knew had complications giving birth at that age, the child was born with defects, mentally retarded...etc. etc.

Some are only happy bringing the bad news.

My friend asked if I had lost the weight I had hoped to. Don't want to start the whole conversation up, but managed a sorta neutral reply that my overall health has improved and I am steadily losing per my surgeon. Faster than some patients, slower than others. But as long as I'm off meds and feeling great (normal blood pressure and blood sugars), I am happy.

Dunno if she was fishing for ammo for the 'I told ya so' speech or was really interested. Time will tell.

I think it's like anything...

...politics, views on social issues, finances, religion. Once you have a formed opinion or stance... You tend to only indoctrinate yourself with data that supports your claim (because we are so darned smarter than everyone in the room) and you become an apologist for whatever that stance is.

If you said "hey, I was thinking about getting LASIK surgery" to a guy who doesn't wear glasses and had a close friend who had a bad experience... From that moment... all that person would see LASIK is as a sight ending bullet to the head and not what it is 99.9% of the time... A simple (yet expensive) life changing procedure that lets you see.

I think Bariatric surgery is the same. If you ask a thin athletic person who never stifled with being overweight and is regularly surrounded with thin likeminded people about Bariatric they will probably have prairie dog ears for all the bad and negative stories and completely ignore the success stories. Talk to an overweight person who struggles with weight loss that either is too scared of getting the procedure... Doesn't want to get it because the future limitations scare them or someone who wants it and can't afford it or can't fit it into their daily schedule... Yeah, they are going to balk at it.

Talk to anyone who has had it... Even the ones that slipped up or had complications and almost almost them would say that if they could go back in time and not do it, in spite of their failures and complications they wouldn't have changed their mind.

People tend to apply bias heavily based off of emotion and less on facts or compelling data.

Just keep that in perspective.

I think people who respond to us like that only do it because they don't have the balls to do what we did for ourselves.

You should really talk to this friend. Text messages are SO easy to misconstrue. Maybe she is worried about you, maybe she just can't believe you had the courage. Maybe she's being a bitch but you need to find out in first hand conversation before writing off a friendship! Stay strong and do what feels right to you!

So many people think this surgery is the easy way out. I view it simply as just a permanent tool....We still have to put in hours at the gym, and watch the foods that We put in our mouths, just like a person who may not have battled the same problems.

Sadly, I had a friend like that too. And it took me a while to realize that it wasn't so much the surgery she was upset about but the fact that I was bettering my life in general.. She was the type of friend of who enjoyed when she was on top while others around her weren't doing as well. Nobody else could be successful. If that sounds like your friend, then I have to say you might be much better off!

I lost a few coworker friends which weren't really friends. I knew one of them would be jealous and upset, the moment she found out it was spread all over my job and we became enemies. Doesn't that say a lot?

Some people can't even control their anger and jealousy which is what her issue really is because now you're dropping weight and because of it you look and feel much better which in turn creates self confidence.

Fuck her! She will always have an underlining issue with something once she gets over the fact that you've done the surgery and it's nothing but stepping stones from this point on.

This is really sad, I can only imaging how upsetting it was to receive the text. I think everything will work out ok though and she will eventually apologise. It is extremely unfair of her to react like that. I wouldn't give up on the friendship, it is hard to find good friends as we get older.

I am only telling 2 people in my life and this doesn't include my best friend. I know she wouldn't approve of me having the surgery and I fear that if she ever finds out she is have a similar reaction and probably be really angry that I never told her.

Most of the peop,e who have been against it in my experience are people who have lost weight "the old fashioned way" and expect everyone else to do the same. Been there, done that, got all 70 tshirts and I still couldn't do it "their way" I continue to gain and my health is at risk every day I am morbidly obese. I owe no one an explanation and if they don't agree then too bad. I do think that some people genuinely care but only know about the negative, which is human nature to focus on, so I educate them on the positive and continue on my journey with or without them by my side.