Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

31yo newbie. How to break the news to everyone -- need your advice!



Recommended Posts

:D Hi, everyone!

I'm just starting this whole journey, currently awaiting my first big seminar (six-hours long!) newbie at my bariatric center. I'm 31, married, one kiddo, and live in Iowa City. Without going into my big long backstory (you can see that on my profile), I need to jump right into my question:

How did you break the news to your family / friends / co-workers?

Pretty much no one in my life is overweight, and if they are -- they definitely aren't dealing with their issues. My father especially is a very fit man (always has been), and it's hard for him to understand my issues. We don't talk too much about it. I've brought up from time to time that I'm in therapy, that I'm addressing my eating disorder, but even that... he just can't really relate. I don't blame him for this, but I'm worried about trying to get him to understand my decision for surgery.

Now, I know that I'm a grown-ass woman (ha!) who doesn't NEED approval from others. This is why I posted in the age-group thread. I'm at that weird place in life where I still feel like I kind of need to tell my family before making any big decisions. Thankfully my husband and close friends are 100% supportive and that really IS enough. But I have a long and public history with my weight loss journey. I used to write a fairly successful blog and have a public IG (@FitandFreeEmily) where I plan to update my followers with this decision. I'm bracing myself for the "you're taking the easy way out" from followers, but I'd like to know an eloquent way to address these comments head-on.

Any suggestions? How did you tell people in your life? Did you have to deal with any negative comments?

ANY help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I'm so beyond ready for this.

Thank you!!

- Emily

(PS - I haven't had any coffee and my 5yo is being a small tornado around me... so I apologize for any typos or incomplete thoughts. ;) )

Edited by FitandFreeEmily

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 34, about to turn 35, and I completely emphasize with feeling like you're in an "in-between" stage in life. I continue to wonder when I'll feel like I'm truly a "real" grownup!

A lot of people on both sides of my family struggle with their weight, and I lost an aunt almost exactly a year ago to complications from diabetes and morbid obesity, so talking about surgery to my family wasn't an issue. My mom was the one who brought up the idea to me in the first place (which, yeah, I didn't take well initially).

As far as friends, though... my husband and my circle of friends mainly consist of super-healthy people who do triathlons and ultra marathons and stuff. I felt weird about telling them because, like your dad, I felt like they just wouldn't get where I was coming from. But honestly, they surprised me by being very supportive (we went to the shore with them a couple weeks after my surgery, when I had just started puréed/soft foods, and I couldn't get my incisions wet in the ocean yet, so obviously something was up). So, the people in your life may surprise you--and if not, keep reminding yourself that you are indeed a "grown-ass woman" and don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you! Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just turned 30 in October. I started this journey in August.

I literally just put it on my Facebook and I started a blog.

This is how I knew that like 5 people care about my posts on Facebook.

I think it's easier that people know. I get a lot of questions, but I also get support and people always ask what I need to eat and drink, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:D Hi, everyone!

I'm just starting this whole journey, currently awaiting my first big seminar (six-hours long!) newbie at my bariatric center. I'm 31, married, one kiddo, and live in Iowa City. Without going into my big long backstory (you can see that on my profile), I need to jump right into my question:

How did you break the news to your family / friends / co-workers?

Pretty much no one in my life is overweight, and if they are -- they definitely aren't dealing with their issues. My father especially is a very fit man (always has been), and it's hard for him to understand my issues. We don't talk too much about it. I've brought up from time to time that I'm in therapy, that I'm addressing my eating disorder, but even that... he just can't really relate. I don't blame him for this, but I'm worried about trying to get him to understand my decision for surgery.

Now, I know that I'm a grown-ass woman (ha!) who doesn't NEED approval from others. This is why I posted in the age-group thread. I'm at that weird place in life where I still feel like I kind of need to tell my family before making any big decisions. Thankfully my husband and close friends are 100% supportive and that really IS enough. But I have a long and public history with my weight loss journey. I used to write a fairly successful blog and have a public IG (@FitandFreeEmily) where I plan to update my followers with this decision. I'm bracing myself for the "you're taking the easy way out" from followers, but I'd like to know an eloquent way to address these comments head-on.

Any suggestions? How did you tell people in your life? Did you have to deal with any negative comments?

ANY help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I'm so beyond ready for this.

Thank you!!

- Emily

(PS - I haven't had any coffee and my 5yo is being a small tornado around me... so I apologize for any typos or incomplete thoughts. ;) )

I'm 38, married, a mom etc.

My advice, tell the select few you know will be supportive, or at least willing to learn about process with you.

I told my husband I wanted surgery, he asked why and said ok. I told my sister's, (1 who had WLS) we are close so I knew they'd be supportive. My Mom has a tendency to be a negative Nellie, so I didn't tell her until a few days before surgery. Told no one at work. I feel that because I kept who I told to a minimum, I don't deal with negative comments. All feed back has been positive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I turned 30 in June! I have a long term boyfriend, no kids.

I decided on surgery a few weeks before my birthday so at my annual birthday Breakfast (Where I invite all my friends and eat pancakes), I announced it to everyone. I've never been one to keep things from my nearest and dearest. Also, I thought it would keep me accountable if I told everyone.

Everyone is pretty supportive, lucky for me. But my boyfriend is a little less so for reasons he can't seem to articulate. He just doesn't want me to do it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 34, about to turn 35, and I completely emphasize with feeling like you're in an "in-between" stage in life. I continue to wonder when I'll feel like I'm truly a "real" grownup!

A lot of people on both sides of my family struggle with their weight, and I lost an aunt almost exactly a year ago to complications from diabetes and morbid obesity, so talking about surgery to my family wasn't an issue. My mom was the one who brought up the idea to me in the first place (which, yeah, I didn't take well initially).

As far as friends, though... my husband and my circle of friends mainly consist of super-healthy people who do triathlons and ultra marathons and stuff. I felt weird about telling them because, like your dad, I felt like they just wouldn't get where I was coming from. But honestly, they surprised me by being very supportive (we went to the shore with them a couple weeks after my surgery, when I had just started puréed/soft foods, and I couldn't get my incisions wet in the ocean yet, so obviously something was up). So, the people in your life may surprise you--and if not, keep reminding yourself that you are indeed a "grown-ass woman" and don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you! Good luck!

Yes! that "in-between" stage is exactly what I'm feeling. I think you're right, people might surprise me. And if they don't -- o well, right? ;) Thank you for your insight!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just turned 30 in October. I started this journey in August.

I literally just put it on my Facebook and I started a blog.

This is how I knew that like 5 people care about my posts on Facebook.

I think it's easier that people know. I get a lot of questions, but I also get support and people always ask what I need to eat and drink, etc.

I think you're right -- it'll be a lot easier to get get it out in the open. I just noticed you're 5 days post-op! How are you feeling??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But my boyfriend is a little less so for reasons he can't seem to articulate. He just doesn't want me to do it.

This happened between my husband and I, at first. I went through a laundry list of reasons with my therapist as to why he might be hesitant: maybe he's afraid I'll outgrow him with my changes, he's threatened by such a change, he's worried about what people might think, etc. Turns out he finally just admitted that he was afraid of seeing me try something and not succeed and how that might effect my mental state. Maybe your boyfriend feels the same way!

Good luck with your surgery -- only a little more than one week out!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my family and close friends know. My boss and the HR person also know (because they approved my leave of absence from work). Other people didn't really start noticing I'd lost weight until I'd already lost about 60 lbs, and by then, I was only losing about 2 lbs a week, so they believed me when I told them that I'd been working with a dietitian and exercising like crazy (which is actually true....). I doubt any of them would be unsupportive, but I just didn't want people to know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just recently told my dad. I'm married with no kids but I handle all his medical stuff and I'm closest with him of all my siblings and I thought he would be against it but he's super happy that I'm doing something about my weight after all these years were getting healthy together because we've always been big. I told my hubby and his whole family and they frankly are rock stars and are cheering on every pound lost and every milestone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×