Finding the new, REAL me in the midst of chaos...

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

So most of you know my husband's plight with colon cancer, and we had a major set back that landed him in the hospital for an additional 12 days. He's out now, thinner, weaker, and a major pain in the you-know-what right now. But he is alive and recovering, which is good. What I DIDN'T expect out of all of this was to find who I am, WHAT I am, and how I found all of that out.

My surgery was on Dec. 3rd of last year. About the time my husband's cancer was diagnosed (May), I came to a standstill in my weight loss. Due mainly to loss of concentration of my program, and losing the focus of me. I had lost about 60lbs, but there is more to be lost. This last "adventure" at the hospital woke me up. I found losing my appetite due to the seriousness of my husband's condition really helped me re-start my program. I ate mostly Protein Shakes and bars, for the mere sake of portability and need for speed. I brought cheese sticks and portions of meat for my meals, and virtually wiped carbs off the menu. What I discovered was I was able to control my nervous eating much better, wasn't nearly as hungry as before, I could go farther without a snack, and I didn't think about food during the interim periods.

But I had all this negative energy that had to go somewhere. Crocheting just wasn't cutting it any more. So, I went back to my first and true love, drawing. I am an artist, and have works in several National Parks, National Forests, and even Hoover Dam! But I stopped drawing about 10 years ago due to major burn-out. I grabbed a small, portable tablet, some wonderful artist's pens, and went to it. I easily finished a drawing a day, and my new work is far better than any I have ever put out before. I attribute that to the forcing of the negative energy into a positive outcome. And I didn't even need to do preliminary line drawings to accomplish the work! The drawings flowed smoothly and professionally, as if I had never ceased drawing! My husband's surgeon even asked me TWICE if I would draw his portrait!!! Wow, what a compliment!!!

He asked, when he saw my work, if THAT was who I was....what a profound question, and what a round of thoughts it provoked... Yes, it IS me. It is who I have been all this time, but never allowed out for some unknown reason. And how sad I let it go for so long. No more, though. Since I have been home from the hospital, my best work ever is now on my drawing table, ready to be finished. It is the portrait of Dave's surgeon. Not QUITE what he is expecting, I'm sure, but my interpretation. And I have to say it is GOOD. Awesome, in fact. And I can say that objectively, since I can recognize when my work is good and not. I'm sure he'll be surprised, hopefully in a good way. I hope so, I will be seeing him for decades to come, so he tells me!

The moral of all of this is I found Jen again. Slim, talented, courageous, and strong. I have to be. Yesterday I had to have yet another "baby" put to sleep...an aged cat who had many health issues. So hard to do, and death has been my companion for over a year (due to the loss of many "babies", and my husband's health issues).

We all fight this weight battle, but put it in perspective, people. Think of what is doing for you, what it is making you able to achieve for perhaps the first time ever. Don't give the enemy more power than it deserves. If you WANT it, FIGHT for it. And take control of your life, it is the only one you have. Be strong and of good courage; talk to us, let us help you on your journey. We are here for you.

[liannatx 897]

That is so wonderful that you are still finding layers of yourself being revealed and resurrected as you go through this journey

I am so glad that you have your husband back at home and on the mend. Sounds like you have a great outlook to help you both through this.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Wow, this is very profound. It is such a great reminder of how much we can grow when we go through challenging times and how short and precious the life we have really is.

Thank you so much for sharing.

I am really curious to see some of your drawings!

[Slim-Shady 79]

First let me say I'm glad to hear your husband is home and healing!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is VERY inspiring! My sister and I had did this together in July, and we are constantly talking about how much we have (and continue to learn) along our journey. We seem to discover something new about ourselves everyday. This journey is not only a physical one, but a spiritual, and mental one. Keep going with your passion of drawing. I'm sure it is not only therapeutic, but sparks your creativity. You should make your drawings your diary/journal (you may already be doing that).

I'll certainly include you and your family in my prayers! "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much". ~James 5:16

P. S. Please share some of your drawings; we'd love to see them!

[jane13 2,256]

@@CanyonBaby - how are you doing? I haven't seen a post in a while -

jane

[LadyK44 263]

Thanks for this!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Just found this thread for the first time.

@@CanyonBaby ... I'm so glad to read that you have "found" (or refound) yourself.

Yes, we're here to love and be loved and to take care of each other.

But we're also here to love ourselves and take care of ourselves.

I wish you continuing success in loving and caring for yourself.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@CanyonBaby ... was thinking of you this morning and wondering how you are these days.