To tell or not to tell

[cookies_queen 74]

I work in a large office I am not telling anyone what I'm doing. My reasons are.

It's really none of their business

I don't want the first question to be all the time "how much weight have you lost now"

Or... The people who judge I don't need negativity in my life. I'm finding my support from my family. My children and significant other and this group. What are the pros and cons of this choice?

[Mom26 313]

I was unsure whether to mention it. There are a lot of negative Nancy's out there. Too many opinionated people. I told my mom, sister, 1 of my kids (so far), obviously my husband, my boss (so I could take time off) and a friend of mine (who just got sleeved recently). I just got a call from my aunt asking if I have a new surgery date. Really Mom? It wasn't for public knowledge. And last night I overheared a conversation (very loud) between friends - and it suddenly got very quiet with whispers - and I caught a tad of what they were saying. About me having surgery. SMH. I wasn't sure how I would handle it -- either way. But I guess that's out of my hands now.

I will make it a point to intentionally overload my FB with exercising posts/the gym/healthy eating - so people will see that rather than me just dropping the pounds by the month. Just because I'm using a tool to help me, doesn't mean I don't have to exercise and eat healthy. My response will be: "I've worked really hard to get where I am. Weight was always a battle, but I'm winning this war."

[missy5099 16]

When I first decided to get WLS, I thought I would tell people. But after my own best friend was unsupportive, I decided to keep it on the down low from friends and coworkers. I feel that most people don't understand the surgery. So I feel that if I tell people, I would have to explain it and pretty much feel like I have to get their approval. Which I obviously don't want. A lot of people tell other people about the surgery because they feel like they can help others in the same boat as you. so that would be a pro for telling. But until I meet someone that would benefit or would want to hear about my journey, I am just going to keep it to myself and say I'm going on a long vacation!

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

My hierarchy goes something like this, from worst to best:

negative influences from family

negative influences from friends

positive influences from family

positive influences from friends

NO INFLUENCE AT ALL

Seriously, do not tell anybody that you aren't 100% sure would support you. Even if they do, it's none of their business, but it's good to have somebody in your camp in all endeavors. This takes up a lot of mental energy, and it's best to have your brain clear of any other things to juggle. Good luck.

[mallen1895 108]

I had my surgery May 12 2015. So far I have lost 72lbs. I told no one at work. I put in for 2 weeks vacation

Which was enough time for me to have surgery and relax. It was the best decision for me. It was really no one business and like you. I wanted no negative comments. People always say how good I look and how much weight I lost. All I say is diet and exercise. You have to do what's best for you. Good luck

[sbg224 318]

You do have to do what you feel is best for you. I tell everyone and anyone I see, that I know of course. If you have negative comments, you know where they go, in 1 ear and out the other. I usually care about what people say, but it is easier to tell then not. If you have never had a weight issue, or eating disorder, then you have no idea, so if you have negative things to say, then who cares. So far not 1 person has been negative or unsupportive.

[The Candidate 3,215]

I've only experienced pros when it comes to the choice of only telling a select few. I also work in an office and am about eight weeks post op. The less you share of your personal business in that type of environment the better, in my opinion. There should always be a dividing line between professional and personal, but that's just me.

In the end it all comes down to your choice and preferences. Go with your instincts on this one. Good luck!

[The Candidate 3,215]

I just want to add that you can always change your mind later and tell people, but you can never "untell" anyone once it's out.

I'm glad I have given myself the time to get used to my new digestive system and changing body, without having to focus on anybody else's opinions.

It's been a win/win situation, for me anyway.

[Santiago Draco 73]

I thought about this and whether I should or not and realized that the only reason I wouldn't was because I would be trying to hide that I didn't do this on my own. It didn't take me long to realize that this wasn't a healthy way, for me, to deal with the change.

I would rather not live the deception that I did this on willpower alone because I feel the potential negatives down the road would be greater than any potential negatives by telling.

The response from friends and acquaintances I've told have been overwhelmingly positive. I've not had anyone say "you shouldn't have done that" or "so you didn't have the willpower to do it on your own huh?"

These kinds of things are personal choices of course but my feeling is this isn't about whether they have the right to know or not but rather how you feel about having the surgery.

My opinion? Become a WLS/Sleeve ambassador. I've had several conversations with relatives already, one who had previously cancelled her approved surgery because of the negativity of others, but is now working on a new approval to move forward. This could save her life where the negatives of others stopping her from having it could have killer her a lot earlier.

Just my 2c.

Edited September 22, 2015 by Santiago Draco

[downsizingdiva 460]

I AM A STRICT NO TELL-ER! UNLESS YOU LIKE ATTENTION AND UNWANTED COMMENTS, ADVICE, QUESTIONS, NOSINESS ETC. I NEVER TOLD AND IT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL. I GET ENOUGH WEIGHT LOSS COMMENTS EVEN THOUGH NOONE KNOWS I HAD THE SLEEVE. I THINK YOU ARE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE AND THE JOURNEY WILL BE MUCH EASIER IF YOU STICK SECRECY.

[downsizingdiva 460]

I'D LIKE TO ADD THAT I SHOULD'VE JUST PUT IN FOR VACATION AS WELL INSTEAD OF SAYING I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY AT WORK (VERY SMALL OFFICE). EVEN THOUGH I MADE SURE THAT THEY KNEW THAT I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW INCLUDING FAMILY, THEY HAVE STILL SAID THINGS TO CUSTOMERS ETC ABOUT ME "BEING OUT FOR SURGERY WHICH TOTALLY INFURATES ME SINCE I SAID NUMEROUS TIMES I DID NOT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW! SO THE JUST TAKING VACATION WOULD BE A MUCH MUCH BETTER IDEA. AT THE TIME I FELT I HAD TO SAY SURGERY TO VALIDATE MY BEING OFF FOR TWO WEEKS BUT NOW THAT I LOOK BACK I SHOULDVE JUST SAID TWO WEEK VACATION.

[cookies_queen 74]

Thank you everyone this just confirms my choice.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I didn't tell anyone except hubby and two friends who live thousands of miles away.

As a result, I haven't had to have a single conversation with anyone in my family, at work or in the frozen food section of the local supermarket about weight loss surgery -- mine or anyone else's.

The absence of stupid conversations or weird questions or inappropriate comments has been delightful!

I couldn't recommend more my approach to WLS -- keep your own damn business to your own damn self.

[gp3 3]

I've only told my immediate family and a few friends.

No one from work.

If anyone asks I've had my gallbladder out and a hiatal hernia repaired.

That's it.

[bikrchk 1,313]

I told pre-op and tell post-op. The reasons are these in no particular order:

I don't like to live with the deception. Telling the truth is just easier.

I get way more than I give when I operate as an advocate for WLS.

It motivates me to maintain the behaviors needed to be a good model.

I don't give a rats ass what folks think who aren't on my side in this battle to reclaim my health.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to prove a negative person wrong!

But you need to do what's right for YOU. If you tend to care what other think and take their negativity personally, being open about it may make you miserable.