I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

Going into it with the attitude of "hey, the worst I can do here is make a new friend" is a good one. And we can ALL use new friends! No loss, all gain!

@@Daveo

From what I can see in your photo, it won't be long! You should be very proud of your accomplishments! Well done!!!

Im guessing that you belong to a WLS support group in your area ? If not, consider joining one. Some of them may have the same issues as you and can give advice and support . The group could also help with starting a conversation, dating advice, online do's and don't s, etc. Since you're all in the same boat, you might feel more comfortable talking about certain things. And like I said before, devolp some hobbies and interest so you can have a comfortable conversation with anybody, guy or girl. What do you like to do ? Or something that you want to try for the 1st time ? Give it a shot ! Have fun !!!

Not in a support group. I haven't had weight loss surgery yet and I don't intend to if I can manage my weight without surgery. I still have been looking into surgery. There plenty of things I would like to do but can't because of my weight. I don't particularly like to drink or go to bars. I would like to go to a movie but am concerned how I would fit in the seat. I like going to sporting events but know for sure I can't fit in the stadium seats. I like to bowl but as I've gotten bigger it hurts my back. That's why I'm waiting until I lose at least another 100 pounds before I seriously consider dating.

Going into it with the attitude of "hey, the worst I can do here is make a new friend" is a good one. And we can ALL use new friends! No loss, all gain!

I would love to have just a female friend. I really only have one friend. He only weighs 160 pounds and has been skinny his whole life so he just doesn't understand what it's like to be big. He's also has never had trouble meeting women and has a live in girlfriend and is expecting a baby. I feel like we are drifting apart. Being single and not being able to keep up physically has hurt.

I have a friend in your situation in college and is having a hard time dating as well my only advice is to just put yourself out there the worst they can say is no

@@sgc

So I would say "Why wait?" --- I mean why wait to lose more weight to meet and greet? The right person for you WON'T care what you weigh, now or later....they will love YOU. In the meantime, you can find many friends this way!!!!

BTW......you have a least ONE female friend right here!!! Hello, my name is Jen! And I bet there are a lot of gals on here who would be more than willing to be friends, write ANYTIME, I usually check the site out a few times a week, at least until my husband has his surgery, then things will get a little crazy, but I'll still check it from time to time.

So go out and have some FUN! Determine what your favorite things to do are, then go do them. If you like hiking, check into the Sierra club...good place to meet folks... so is church..a great place to meet and greet...just have fun, and keep an open mind, you never know WHO the right person is, initially, just ABSORB everything and anything...it is a wonderful journey you are embarking on!!!!!

@@sgc

So I would say "Why wait?" --- I mean why wait to lose more weight to meet and greet? The right person for you WON'T care what you weigh, now or later....they will love YOU. In the meantime, you can find many friends this way!!!!

BTW......you have a least ONE female friend right here!!! Hello, my name is Jen! And I bet there are a lot of gals on here who would be more than willing to be friends, write ANYTIME, I usually check the site out a few times a week, at least until my husband has his surgery, then things will get a little crazy, but I'll still check it from time to time.

So go out and have some FUN! Determine what your favorite things to do are, then go do them. If you like hiking, check into the Sierra club...good place to meet folks... so is church..a great place to meet and greet...just have fun, and keep an open mind, you never know WHO the right person is, initially, just ABSORB everything and anything...it is a wonderful journey you are embarking on!!!!!

TWO friends! My name is Sophie.

@CanyonBabyGoing into it with the attitude of "hey, the worst I can do here is make a new friend" is a good one. And we can ALL use new friends! No loss, all gain!

Dead on right.

There is no shame in cruising the online dating sites. I met my boyfriend of nine years through Craigslist. (We would have been married at least seven years by now, but because I am retired Federal, and he is with a railroad, one of us would lose our pension).

When you post your profile, just tell the truth and run. Be honest there like you are here. Be you, not who someone else thinks you should be. One of the reasons that we have stayed together is that neither one of us has ever asked the other one to change anything about themselves. We emailed everyday for about a month before we even had our first phone call. We had our first meeting at a restaurant, each driving our own vehicles so that if there was no connection, no one needed an awkward ride home. The conversation was good, so after lunch we drove ourselves down the street to a movie theater and watched a matinee showing of Nacho Libre.

The next date was a couple of weeks later when we went out for an early dinner and then off to a White Sox game.

We have been together ever since. Here is why this gal keeps coming back for more: he makes me laugh. We have sooooo much in common that no one has to compromise, and we are supportive of each other's opinions and interests that do vary.

My dear bariatric brother, just do you. And forget that "third date" rule about intimacy. If she wants you to kiss her, she will lean in. Kind, gentle men with old-fashioned manners and a sense of humor are hard to find, so if you are that guy, love will find you. Not all dates have to be in seats. How many times have you heard about women who like a long walk on a romantic beach? Find a public park (nothing remote - that's creepy) and go for a walk. There are lots of places with beautiful leaves changing this time of year. You will find something to do. Maybe your date could suggest something she would like to do.

Why wait? Your lady may be out there now looking for you, and you will be a year late. Have you ever heard that saying, "My ship has come in, but I was at the train station." A smile, good hygiene, and a sense of humor will take you a long way. Good luck.

Hey , you're ALWAYS welcome on this site, even if you choose not to have surgery at all. Your call. Since you say you have trouble even starting a conversation with a guy or girl, and dont know what to do or talk about, how about volunteering 1 or 2 places ? Something that wont be physically difficult, but gives you a comfortable place to interact (not date ) with others ? Consider your likes and dislike s and abilities. Try the local animal shelter, the public library, the food bank ?They always need help ! How about the local community theater that puts on plays ? They have a need for everything ! Offer to help with uniforms/equipment for a local sports/dance team ? You'll meet others with common interests, and who knows, you might make a few friends ! ! And more !!

I think I will create a create a real online profile. One good thing is I apparently carry my weight well as many people are surprised to hear I weigh over 400 pounds. Going to get a new outfit before I go online. Due to my size I tend to have clothes that do not fit well since it's hard finding clothes my size and I mostly buy online.

I don't necessarily have issues talking with women. My best relationships at work are with women. I have a problem approaching women and showing interest. I get the feeling that if a woman senses I'm interested she will get offended that the fat guy likes her.

Try some dating websites. I know people still look down on online dating, but I met my husband online and we've been married for 10 years now

for me that was the best way to meet someone. I am very shy and we talked online a lot before meeting in person, so whe we met it wasn't like meeting a stranger, it was like meeting someone you've already had like 10 dates with

I have found when I did that, got to know someone via phone and texting first, I was scared to meet them in person worried that they would not like what they saw and there goes that time spent and getting attached. some people have no problem actually doing the actual meeting, but me, I almost use to get anxiety over it. It was offle I have issues lol

I found a picture of myself when I weighed 250 pounds. I guess I can show people what the finished product will look like.

Try some dating websites. I know people still look down on online dating, but I met my husband online and we've been married for 10 years now

for me that was the best way to meet someone. I am very shy and we talked online a lot before meeting in person, so whe we met it wasn't like meeting a stranger, it was like meeting someone you've already had like 10 dates with

I have found when I did that, got to know someone via phone and texting first, I was scared to meet them in person worried that they would not like what they saw and there goes that time spent and getting attached. some people have no problem actually doing the actual meeting, but me, I almost use to get anxiety over it. It was offle I have issues lol

we exchanged pictures before we met.

I guess the next step is to determine what site to use. In some ways I prefer the pay sites. Hopefully that would weed out the trolls.