Passing For Thin - Support Thread for Those Approaching Goal

[JulieNYC 4]

How many of you at/near goal are finding you no longer have as much in common with your "old" friends? I'm noticing that I'm drifting away from them....

Banannie, I've read that a lot of people go through this, so you're not alone. I've also read that many times, the friendships reconnect once some time has passed and that, out of the good friendships, it can make them stronger in the long run.

For me, my experience is a little different. I didn't have friends that I ate with. For me, binge eating was a private thing. Like, I would go out to dinner with friends, then go home and eat a whole second dinner to get that truly "full" feeling. Now that I don't feel the need to do that, I'll go out with friends, then go out wherever they're going afterwards, rather than wanting to peel off from the group.

I do have one friend who struggles with her weight (just a little -- like 20 lbs or so) and talking about weight loss and nutrition is a big component of our friendship. For her, she's verbalized that she's jealous of my success and that it's hard for her that I weigh less than she does now. She understands, intellectually, that at 5'10, she SHOULD weigh more than I do at 5'2, but it's still hard for her and I get that. Her honesty about the situation helps us to keep our friendship strong. And she's very, very happy for me and is my biggest supporter. Her jealousy (if that's even the right word for it) is just a small piece of the puzzle.

Well, I'm headed home to Alabama for a wedding this weekend. I'm going to try really hard to stay on my diet. I feel like I could drop a couple of lbs any day now, if I can just stay on track. Traveling is hard though, as I'm sure you all know. My marathon training schedule has me running 12 miles on Sunday, so that should help.

Take care, Julie

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

I have two really close girlfriends. Nothing has changed really, other than one is a big binge eater. I have to be very careful when I go to her house. I don't go to her house as much as I used to, but we go out to lunch.

She had open heart surgery at age 53, so hopefully, she will be developing

better eating habits.

[Banannie 0]

I'm thinking it's just me at the moment. I'm feeling a bit "sorry for myself" since I'm trying to be really, really strict with my diet so I can get this last 35lbs off in time for a late Nov/early Dec Lower Body Lift.

Once I get past the super strict diet phase, and lighten up a bit, I'm sure I'll have more fun enjoying time out with my friends. Right now it just feels like a really restrictive and not-fun diet. Which it is! But this work is working, and it's only for another 4 1/2 months...

Thanks for everyone's replies, and keep them coming!

[JulieNYC 4]

I'm thinking it's just me at the moment. I'm feeling a bit "sorry for myself" since I'm trying to be really, really strict with my diet so I can get this last 35lbs off in time for a late Nov/early Dec Lower Body Lift.

I totally know that feeling, Banannie. I went through it when I was leading up to my TT and I'm in it again right now. I'm scheduled for the other 1/2 of my LBL (the thighs and buttocks) on December 17th. But, if I get to goal by then, the added incentive is I can have the brachioplasty (arms) done at the same time. Dad says if he has to Lipo the thighs (i.e. I'm not at goal), there's less of a chance he can do the arms at the same time because of too much trauma to the body (lipo is traumatic to blood flow, apparently). So, come on 136. That's the real reason I signed up for a marathon in November. Surely I'll get to goal running a marathon....

[deckedout 0]

I, too, have started being very strict with both diet and exercise. I work out to the tune of about 1000 calories a day, which is about what it takes for me to have a deficit of 1000 calories each day if I eat 1200 calories. I keep thinking I need another fill, because I really feel like I am dieting. Getting hungry but using all those former "tricks" not to eat. But, last time I scheduled a fill I got extremely tight, and that lasted about a month, so I thought I wait through this month before I decide to get a fill.

so, right now, it is being strict.

I haven't changed any of my friends since losing weight, but I have found myself making new friends, talking to people that I might never have talked to before. Both heavy and skinny. I feel more confident, at times.

Sometimes, it seems that all I can see are my flaws (hips and a big belly) and sometimes, it seems that I am really skinny. I guess I suffer from unrealistic body image.

I never really believed I was very fat, after all, I could always find someone who was fatter than me.

Then I saw myself on video, and some pictures of myself, and it did not at all look like my own mental image of myself. Now, I think, I see myself more realistically, and it STILL doesn't look like the way I have pictured myself for the last 20 years or so.

Have a great evening.

[Boo 3]

Speaking of "friends," I have one that KEEPS referring to me as someone with an eating/obesity problem. She knows nothing of the surgery, so it is as if she hasn't noticed that I have lost 50 pounds and am terribly fit. It seems I have moved on and she has not. She may prefer the fatter, more vulnerable and needy me. She was my friend through the hard times, so I need to find a way to understand, but not allow her to drag me down.

I may be the opposite of what I am reading. My entire life I have been very social, until a rapid weight gain took me prisoner. It seemed an alien had taken over my body. To deal with the discomfort and shame, I avoided friends and poured myself into a new line of work, charity, and advanced education (to find self-worth that was not predicated upon my appearance or socially-acceptable weight.)

Now that my weight/appearance/health are returning to "normal," I have begun to reahc out to the old friends. As was mentioned, the confidence to just be with anyone and focus on conversation is great.

NEW TICKER MOVEMENT!!!

[guysis 0]

Yeah Boo! I need to see you - so you can give me a kick in the tush to get going again! I'm alive, well, and doing good................just very busy with small trips and company thru this week................I'm reading, but not finding the time to put words down "on paper"! I'll get back in the sharing groove next week............Have a great week-end/week all.

[JulieNYC 4]

NEW TICKER MOVEMENT!!!

Dancing bananas for Boo! Congratulations on the new decade!! The 50s -- WOW. That is just great Boo. We all know how hard you've worked for that. Way to go.

:Banane48::Banane48:

[Boo 3]

Aw, shucks! Thank you!

Gotta go run...

NSV: Someone asked me for my ID! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm over double the minimum age.

[TexasBecky 1]

Julie, how was the trip home for the wedding? Did you see people you hadn't seen in a long time? I hope you got lots of ooohs and aaahs (not taking anything away from the bride of course). Were you able to get through the airports without buying skittles? Fill us in.

[JulieNYC 4]

Julie, how was the trip home for the wedding? Did you see people you hadn't seen in a long time? I hope you got lots of ooohs and aaahs (not taking anything away from the bride of course). Were you able to get through the airports without buying skittles? Fill us in.

On the way out, I did not make it through the airport without buying Skittles, but I did manage to keep it to 2 servings. As I ran 12 miles the next day, no real damage was done and I did manage to avoid them altogether on the trip home. I ate too much, overall, this weekend though and am glad to be back in my "safe" environment for a few days.

Yes, I saw lots of people at the wedding and got lots of ooohs and aaaahs. The weirdest one was my Uncle Joe. Now this is a man who has known me since I was 5 years old. Granted we only see each other 2-3 times a year, but still -- he's real family. I drove separately to the wedding from my parents because I had plans beforehand. Anyway, I walked up to him and he literally had NO IDEA who I was until I spoke to him. He was super embarassed and I tried to help him get over that (because he felt so bad), but it was ultra weird. You know, people like former work colleagues who have only known me in the last 5-7 years, I get that they don't recognize me -- they never knew me thinner. But it is weird for someone who has known me 30 years to not know who I was. I've been this size before. I don't fault them -- it's just very odd.

One of the things I struggle with is that most skinny people, and even some formerly MO people, think this is a really "fun" NSV. It's not at all to me. Not at all. I'm trying to identify why I hate it so much. I know that a component of it is pure sadness. Sadness that I spent my 20s so morbidly obese that I'm not recognizable to family in my 30s. Sadness that they only see the physical changes and have no concept of the emotional burden that has been lifted -- yet there's a different emotional burden in its place. I guess, in many ways, I feel misunderstood. Even by myself.

I think part of my anxt is that I'm still in transition. Until I lose these last 20-30 lbs and have my thigh surgery, I feel like I'm never going to be at a constant and, thus, all people ever want to talk about is my weight. That's fine for people who understand (like you guys), but it's a burden with other people. I feel like once they've seen me at the same size 2 or 3 times, surely the topic will change. Of course, my problem is that's probably still a year away.

I know, I know, poor pitiful me for being such a lapband success! I almost want to slap myself.

[DeltaDawn 0]

Okay guys... I am back... I couldn't find our April 2006 line, but I found this.

I must admit I haven't read through all the posts... you guys are wonderfully verbose!! But, I will join in. I am 10 lbs from goal, which is scarry and wonderful at the same time. Julie and I are always close by, good to see it is still true after my month in Europe and being away from you all.

Well, I can't wait to see how this thread develops and maybe someone can let me know where our April thread is.

Dawn

Banded april 4th, 2006

Montreal

358/168/158

Had a good 8 km run yesterday!!!!

[BabyGotBack 0]

Hi Jane!!!!

How are you doing????

I have not been on for a while, but I am back for the support I need to finish this journey!!! I am posting on the Lower Bmi Thread and will probably check in here if I can "connect".

How are you doing??? I have been on a long plateau. Too long. I just got my third fill so things are moving again.

Take care!!!!

I, too, have started being very strict with both diet and exercise. I work out to the tune of about 1000 calories a day, which is about what it takes for me to have a deficit of 1000 calories each day if I eat 1200 calories. I keep thinking I need another fill, because I really feel like I am dieting. Getting hungry but using all those former "tricks" not to eat. But, last time I scheduled a fill I got extremely tight, and that lasted about a month, so I thought I wait through this month before I decide to get a fill.

so, right now, it is being strict.

I haven't changed any of my friends since losing weight, but I have found myself making new friends, talking to people that I might never have talked to before. Both heavy and skinny. I feel more confident, at times.

Sometimes, it seems that all I can see are my flaws (hips and a big belly) and sometimes, it seems that I am really skinny. I guess I suffer from unrealistic body image.

I never really believed I was very fat, after all, I could always find someone who was fatter than me.

Then I saw myself on video, and some pictures of myself, and it did not at all look like my own mental image of myself. Now, I think, I see myself more realistically, and it STILL doesn't look like the way I have pictured myself for the last 20 years or so.

Have a great evening.

[JulieNYC 4]

Well, I can't wait to see how this thread develops and maybe someone can let me know where our April thread is.

Dawn!! We're so excited you're back from Europe! Tell us all about it! I didn't think you got back until August. I hope you had a fabulous time.

We didn't start an April thread this month (which explains why you can't find it!). Basically, when you get caught up on this thread (and the end of the June thread for the April folks), you'll see that we didn't get a lot of traffic in April. Those of us who were still active were all in the "almost to maintenance" phase and we thought we would get the best support if we opened up those topics to all maintaining bandsters instead of just the April group.

Of course, there are some April folks who aren't approaching goal yet. We invited them to join in here, no matter what stage they were at. This thread isn't meant to exclude anyone based on where they are in the journey. It's just meant to be an advanced thread, in terms of the issues that come up once a good bit of the weight has come off.

BabyGotBack,

Welcome to the thread! I look forward to getting to know you better. How long have you been on a plateau and how much more would you like to lose? For me, getting closer to goal means that I only lose about 4 lbs/month, and it's usually the week after my cycle when it all comes off, then NOTHING for 3 weeks. Super frustrating, but glad to be so close to goal that I'm having the "problem." Take care.

[reconciler 0]

I'm thinking it's just me at the moment. I'm feeling a bit "sorry for myself" since I'm trying to be really, really strict with my diet so I can get this last 35lbs off in time for a late Nov/early Dec Lower Body Lift.

Once I get past the super strict diet phase, and lighten up a bit, I'm sure I'll have more fun enjoying time out with my friends. Right now it just feels like a really restrictive and not-fun diet. Which it is! But this work is working, and it's only for another 4 1/2 months...

Thanks for everyone's replies, and keep them coming!

Hi Bananie - I'm reading your message and then looking at your loss record. I think it is absolutely amazing you've lost that amount of weight in 8-9 months. Just from that accomplishment alone, I think you can do anything, and I don't even know you!