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Do people try to get you to engage in fat bashing?



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I have lost 105 lbs so far since my WLS and lately I've noticed something strange. People who knew me at my largest weight now come up to me and start talking badly about other people they believe need to lose weight. It wouldn't be so awful if it seemed like it was out of real concern, but I get the impression most of it is nothing more than fat bashing. My neighbor was just over and she was telling me about some friends of hers who are overweight and said "I bet they just stuff their faces all the time. It's just gross that people get that fat and don't do anything about it. I even saw them eat DESSERT at a party!" She knows that less than a year ago, I was one of "those people" that she thinks are so "gross". I felt she wanted me to join in this bashing but I wouldn't - I just said you can't judge people by the outside. You have no idea what is going on with them medically, emotionally, or their personal struggles.

Anyone else dealing with this sort of thing from people now - them wanting you to join in bashing others who are overweight/obese?

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I am a polite person but I am also blunt. I have not had anybody try fat bashing or bashing anyone in general. Somebody would have to be pretty dense about my personality to bash somebody like that with me let alone expect me to join in. They would know I would put a stop to that kind a nasty gossipy stuff pretty quickly and if they didn't know before they would find out right quick.

I don't participated in negativitity and don't tolerate it much.

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I would sit on them if that ever happened.

Seriously.....that would certainly provide us with an ironic setting to speak up.

I'm fairly certain I'd go the sarcastic route, "Dessert ? Are you serious? Those people......wow. Eating dessert. Can you even imagine?...........what ever will they do next? Now that you mention it, Tuesday week ago.....get this.......We saw the pizza delivery truck pull up to their house........for real.......it was Pappa John's.......not even the diet pizza place, but Pappa Freakin' Johns. What about you guys? You and your wife appear to be the picture of health........What brand of chewing tobacco is that? Really? Does your wife chew, too? She looks like the Skoal type of gal............just a pinch 'then her cheek & gum.....hmmmm mmmmm sexy"

From there it'd get crazy.

My most aggressive weight loss attempt shaved a nice chunk off.....had me going from 6x down to 2x shirts. I never had this happen.

I can honestly say that since middle school I have never heard anyone fat bash.

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@@ready2B I can't stand it when anyone bashes an overweight person or really anyone else who's struggling. Makes me nuts, I'm a big mouth though so I'm real quick to shut that kind of stuff down, move it along little doggie....I wish someone would try to come talk about an overweight person to me. We'd have a "come to Jesus" meeting for sure! Better just go on somewhere else with all that mess.

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I haven't experienced it since surgery, but I have definitely experienced it before. It was actually another heavy friend of mine who wanted to "people watch" and make very rude comments about nearly everyone who walked by. I've never been a mean girl in that I liked or wanted to make fun of people, but also didn't have enough guts to say "this is mean and we shouldn't do it." :blush: Though I wouldn't do it now, I know before it came from a place of insecurity and wanting my mean friend to like me...

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I've never been coaxed into bashing...but I will say, being on the other side there is definitely prejudice towards over weight people.

Even the more sympathetic critics will say something as, "Don't they know what they're doing to themselves??? Why don't they do something?"

Or..."Oh My God...did you see that?"

The more critical comments will be that they are lazy, weak, and have no self respect.

Myself, I do feel sad, knowing what they may be going through...(or not)

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Thanks! @Dub- too funny! I wish I had been quick on my feet with something to say, but I just stood there stunned and speechless during most of her rant. I think I was so shocked that she would say those things to my face - clearly not thinking that I would take it personally because I WAS one of those people until very recently. Or who knows, maybe she is just nasty enough that she meant it to insult me in an underhanded way. Regardless, I don't need to be around people like that. I have plenty of other friends and family who don't behave in such a judgemental way.

@@B-52 - yes, it makes me very sad too!

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I have multiple and simultaneous responses to seeing folks who are obese.

Like many former fatties I feel true fear about returning to that life. I've been at goal for only 3.5 months, which BTW is the longest I've ever NOT started regaining weight!

I also reject the aesthetics of obese bodies. I was NEVER into the BBW scene. I truly despised being overweight. There's nothing about it I like at all -- in myself or others. Nothing!

But because I know so very well after decades of being overweight or obese just how exhausting and painful (physically and mentally) it is to be heavier, I also feel a tremendous empathy with those who are carrying so much extra weight. l know that they're my tribe. If you haven't been overweight or obese for long parts of your life you literally cannot imagine what a hard way of life that is.

It's probably similar to other tribal loyalties (like the town or state where you grew up, the sports team you root for, your own family members) -- if your tribe sucks you are certainly willing to complain about it. But you will NOT tolerate hearing other tribes' members bitch about how much your tribe sucks.

(I suspect my feelings are more complex than this, but those are some off-the-cuff thoughts.)

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I have multiple and simultaneous responses to seeing folks who are obese.

Like many former fatties I feel true fear about returning to that life. I've been at goal for only 3.5 months, which BTW is the longest I've ever NOT started regaining weight!

I also reject the aesthetics of obese bodies. I was NEVER into the BBW scene. I truly despised being overweight. There's nothing about it I like at all -- in myself or others. Nothing!

But because I know so very well after decades of being overweight or obese just how exhausting and painful (physically and mentally) it is to be heavier, I also feel a tremendous empathy with those who are carrying so much extra weight. l know that they're my tribe. If you haven't been overweight or obese for long parts of your life you literally cannot imagine what a hard way of life that is.

It's probably similar to other tribal loyalties (like the town or state where you grew up, the sports team you root for, your own family members) -- if your tribe sucks you are certainly willing to complain about it. But you will NOT tolerate hearing other tribes' members b***h about how much your tribe sucks.

(I suspect my feelings are more complex than this, but those are some off-the-cuff thoughts.)

Tribal loyalty.

Well said !

Accurate concept.

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Until this is seen as not being socially acceptable it will continue. No one goes around saying look at that bald-headed cancer patient. Can't she at least put on a wig. Unfortunately it is perfectly ok to bash the overweight population. Most of these bashers fail to realize that one day they may also be the victim of fat bashing. I know plenty of former skinny people that over the years have gained significant weight. The worse bashers are those that are obese themselves. I had an overweight man once tell me that I was too large to be jogging. I just gave him the finger and moved on. Never let other's dictate your path. After all we are the captains of our own ships.

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@@VSGAnn2014 - interesting idea about the feeling of "they are my tribe". In a way, I feel that - certainly the empathy and the understanding of just how difficult struggles with weight are that you truly can't know unless you've been there. But I also feel a new connection with healthier people - I want to be identify myself in a different way these days and be motivated by the healthy habits of those who take good care of themselves. But I don't have to bash anyone else to do that!

I also despised being obese. I hated looking in the mirror and felt I didn't deserve to be seen in public. I was close to becoming a recluse. Such a sad, tragic downward spiral. So I don't ever look at someone else who is overweight with disgust - it is not my job to judge them by their physical appearance nor their job to look aesthetically pleasing to me. I might be concerned about their health, but beyond that I certainly don't cringe or think someone is "gross" because they are fat. Shame was such a useless emotion for me. It never motivated me to lose weight - in fact it only made me hate myself more. So I don't ever want anyone else to feel shame about themselves or their bodies. Learning self love and valuing myself as a human being went a heck of a lot further in motivating me to take the best possible care of myself. And I imaging true compassion will go a heck of a lot further with others than shaming them will.

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