May I just vent for a second?

This dating thing is SO frustrating. I feel like I should have learned how to do this a LONG time ago, and now I'm floundering to pick up a skill everyone else my age has long since mastered.

In my head I guess I know that it's just a weeding out process, a numbers game - put yourself out there, meet as many guys as you can handle meeting, and weed out the mismatches until one sticks.

Unfortunately, my head isn't always in charge. The rest of me gets quite frustrated with the "fall-off-the-earth-ers", the ones who CLEARLY didn't read your profile, the ones who take FOREVER to call, and maybe worst of all, the ones who seem like a great match...then you meet them and realize if it came down to that person or spending the rest of your life alone, you'd learn to like your own company really quickly. I guess the only consolation is that they didn't like me after we met, either.

I hate that it's almost like a job, and that I need to treat it like one if I'm going to have time to build a family. I just don't understand how other people manage to stumble on the right person like some sort of magic I'm not privy to.

Okay, rant over. I think I'm going to take the night off and start trying again tomorrow, lol!!

Oh...the quality of men is much higher when I send the first message.

I initiated contact with my now-husband. He's a teacher, and I'm really corny, so the subject line I wrote was "Will I make the grade?" And amazingly, he actually responded to that!

So I talk all big but lately have been low on time... and I guess frankly interest so not doing much. I have met a few "this go around" and one person seems to be turning into an activity partner. I am basically ignoring most everyone else which makes me think I should put my profile on hold or something. I just lack enthusiasm for meeting anyone at the moment and I did't really realize that when i put up the profile. I thought it would at least be fun to do some light dating and see if anything comes of it but I am finding myself wanting to do other things with my time right now.

I found it to be EXACTLY like a job. First dates are interviews. Nothing more. I worked it for approximately 9 months like a job, (sometimes 2 meets per day) before I found one I wanted to spend more time with. I can count on one hand the number of second dates I had in that time and most of those did not turn into a third. Most of the time that was my choice, but occasionally it was theirs. Then, finally found someone fun, cleverly disguised as a responsible adult to long term date. It's been going on now for about 10 months now, exclusive but casual, (no talk of moving in or anything like that) which is good with me.

My advice, whatever your relationship goals, when you are in the "interview" stage, "date like a man"... and by that I mean volume. Meet as many people as you can. try to have fun doing it. Try not to take anything personally at least until you find one you want to hang out with more than a couple times. You have to go through a lot of duds (or ones you just don't fit with) before you find a stud (who you DO fit with)!

I love the discussion here, and I'm definitely learning that it's not going to be the miraculous "romantic comedy" stumble onto the perfect man right out of the gate, lol. I'm taking a bit of a break and having a friend take some new pictures and help me overhaul my profile to see if I can draw a different kind of guy. One that doesn't live with his mom.

I'd been talking to a guy who seemed fantastic, who finally asked me out. We went out last night, and even though he was nice, I felt duped. He had no teeth, no hair, and I need to believe the stain on his shirt was ketchup. I don't know how old the picture on his profile was, but...no. Especially since I go out of my way to be totally honest and post full body current pictures on there so people know what they're getting and can make a decision about whether they want to talk to me upfront. All I could think was, "I got my nails done and put on an underwire for THIS?" By the time I got home, though, I saw the humor in it.

Now there IS a man at work who also lost over 100 lbs, who is adorable and funny and seems to be in the "dating around" stage. I kind of like him, but not enough to make my bed where I bake my bread so I'm not saying anything.

@@roundisashape I have never and WILL never date someone at work. I have worked for the same company for a very long time and have a stellar reputation - mostly due to my work ethic etc but ALSO because I don't let personal static spill into the workplace. Since I work for a big company with lots of very cool people, i am totally missing out on opportunities, but this is just better for me! i think you are wise to proceed with caution on that one!

@bikrchk I find it very interesting that some of the guys on the dating websites want you to be "exclusive" - right from the get go. I mean like date 2 - no physical stuff or anything yet, just want me to not meet anyone new. I do not have the energy to do what you did... but i bet that is what i need to do. I have met some very cool guys but there is always some kind of issue - location, schedules, their emotional readiness (I have met several that are still hung up on their ex wife in one way or another for example).

I also think I am not so easy to match with. I am a career woman, well traveled, well educated, who dressed like a girlie girl but also... has a farmette, loves country lifestyle things, outdoorsy, super outgoing and social etc. Men are attracted to me initially due to my bubbly personality, girly girl hair clothes and makeup and my boobs. But, the insides are more complex than the packaging would suggest, my high self confidence can apparently be intimidating.. I can go on and on. And I am just so damn picky that i am almost wondering how much I actually want a boyfriend..ha!

What I think I would really like is something like you have found, an exclusive but not too "heavy" of a relationship. I don't want to dive in deep - i am happy with many things in my life and feel no need to give those up so I have time to be attached at the hip to someone.

anyway, maybe when the weather turns wintery I will be ready to invest heavily like you did. It is not my style to "interview" someone but I am an intuitive person and so far... every time i have ignored the intuition and trusted the words - it has later proven to be my intuition that was right. Example, i dated someone for 4 months that I was really into. On our second date, I felt like he wasn't really "ready" to date much less be exclusive with someone which is what he wanted right off the bat. Because he was such a good match for me in so many ways, i let his many claims of "being ready" override my intuition. Guess why things ended? Guy started having very serious emotional upset as we got closer. It was like post trauma from his horrible marriage/divorce. He felt awful about it because I am nothing like his ex, but he became very paranoid about alot of stuff. To his credit, he realized that he was not thinking right and had to go back into counseling and get his head on straight first. So, there goes THAT promising relationship.