Shame in sharing WLS with friends/family?

[PChayy05 75]

Wow, thanks for the outpour of amazing advice and positivity! You guys are right, it's no one's business but mine and all of your words really help me feel confident in my choice. Screw the non supporters, I should be proud of the hard work I'm putting into this, no need to worry about judgements. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful posts.

[judyoz 240]

I tell whoever ask me. I am a strong person and do not give a darn what others think. If they would ever say "it is the easy way out", I would take that opportunity to give them a great deal of education . In no way is this the easy way out!! Nobody has said that to me yet. I am out 2 months. It is a life changing surgery.

Personally, I did not do WLS to "get skinny". I did it for health reasons. With that said, I like being thinnner . Never much worried about being over weight, I have been all my life and it is my "normal".

[rosepose 105]

I did something a little weird about this. I told my parents and siblings, making it clear that this was not a discussion but a decision I'd made (the one exception to this was one of my brother's who is a doctor and I wanted input from a medical "what they don't tell you" point of view but still told him to hold the personal commentary) but did make it clear that this was a health related decision which seemed to matter to all of them very much. I then told the friends I've been closest to over the years... It wasn't completely intentional but I've used the response to decide whether or not they stay close. If they followed up and checked in and cared enough to wish me well etc they stayed close... if they were weird about it they were moved further away. I know this may seem a little harsh but frankly, this is a big decision and it's been only a few weeks so I'm trying to let other people's emotional processes be their own and happen elsewhere if they cant manage to be supportive while I deal with some really big changes.

That said, people talk to each other, and my sister in law's family is massive and of course all in laws now know everything. They're sweet people but "not fat enough" isn't actually a compliment, nor is it a medical diagnosis. Plus I carry weight evenly so whether or not I look "fat enough" my insulin levels and cholesterol (though not thank goodness my actual blood sugar yet) were on the rise and I had no desire to die from weight related issues. On the whole though this isn't something I know how to keep quiet from people I see day to day during the recovery phase. After I return to work etc I'm thinking I'll do my best only to share the info with people who have earned my trust.

[TexasGirl86 37]

I love the responses! My parents have sworn me to secrecy, and one of my siblings doesn't know because he's known for being a blabber mouth.

I've mentioned wanting to have WLS done before to close friends and they almost all discouraged it. You can just work out and diet! Been hearing it for years now. Quite easy for people who have maybe an extra 10 pounds on them/never work out themselves/ haven't lost and gained significant amounts of weight repeatedly to tell you all of that. I even told my psychiatrist and he was ANGRY with me. I was scolded like a child, but I couldn't of cared less. It really is a personal decision.

I don't have an issue with sharing, but I think I'll continue to keep quiet about it. Until and unless I run into someone who is considering WLS themselves and I might be able to offer them insight.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

LOL! I think it's funny that your psychiatrist is angry with you.

You should ask him, "What do you think that's about?"

[LivingLight 65]

I absolutely HATE to admit this, but I was a "it's the easy way out" person. A close friend had the surgery, and while I marveled at her weight loss, I always thought (never said) she took the easy way out. Then one day, I decided "to heck with this, I want the easy way out too". So, I started doing my research, so i could get skinny without working at it....

Boy, was I in for a shock.

Anyone who puts time into investigating the process will realize that it is absolutely NOT the easy way out. There IS no easy way out of obesity, or we'd all be thin already.

For me, I won't be afraid to tell people. I won't be offended by anyone to tells me I took the easy way out because I know, from experience, that they are just uneducated.

[woo woo 872]

This is your personal business. Choosing not to tell others is in NO way a lie!

What I found was that nobody asked how I lost the weight. People would say "you look great", I said "thank you" and that would be the whole conversation.

So it ended up being a non-issue.

They only the exception ended up being the one person that I had briefly talked about the sleeve with months earlier (we were talking about weight loss and I asked if she had every looked into the sleeve).

She was obviously suspicious and asked what I was doing. I said well I'm doing very small portions and high Protein (all true) and left it at that!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I am a big person with a big personality. I think most people would be afraid to say anything about "easy way out" to me. I'm actually waiting for that day, so I can make my lower lip tremble, produce a small tear brimming on my eye, and say, very quietly, "why would you say something so hurtful and mean?"

[tlemieux220 138]

I feel this is up to each Individual person on if they tell others about their WLS. People are people and they judge no matter what you do, if you were to have lost weight on your own using Shakeology, Herbailife, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craigs, or anyother program. I have tried all of them except Shakeology since it is new and I just didn't want to waste my time again on something that probably would not have worked for me.

I have worried way to many years about what others think. This time is for me and whether I lose 50 lbs or I lose my total 105 lbs. I really don't care what people think that have not been in my situtation.

I love my sleeve! I even want my husband to join me in this journey but it is his decision.

[muzical1 85]

I initially didn't want anyone to know. As my date approached my family began asking questions. My vague responses were not biding well so I decided to take them on this journey with me. I have a very public position so at some point the obvious weight loss question will arise. Hmmm...?

[rosepose 105]

Your therapist lectured you?!?

If there wasn't a really solid background for that and even if there was.... How insanely unprofessional!!!!! I'm sure you otherwise have a very good relationship with them or you wouldn't see them but from my point of view that was really not okay. I am not a therapist but I do have a masters in psychology (experimental) and while my focus was on neurology it's not like I was never exposed to the classes the counseling students had to take. From my POV based on that exposure that response was really borderline. Though people really do have a very strong emotional response sometimes. It's why I found I liked telling people in e-mail so they could process the idea before I had to talk to them about it.

Actually - oddly - I had never considered WLS for myself until one of my friends from school brought it up. We were both highly research focused and he had come across some studies about ghrelin production and VGS. The side effect rate with the bypass surgeries had scared me in the past. When I spoke to my PCP about it she was a little taken aback for a moment and without dismissing the idea did offer other alternatives but she also treats my mom who has type 2 diabetes and when I was discussing the health reasons and said I don't want to get diabetes like my mom she said "Neither do I!" and immediately was one of my staunchest supporters.

I love the responses! My parents have sworn me to secrecy, and one of my siblings doesn't know because he's known for being a blabber mouth.

I've mentioned wanting to have WLS done before to close friends and they almost all discouraged it. You can just work out and diet! Been hearing it for years now. Quite easy for people who have maybe an extra 10 pounds on them/never work out themselves/ haven't lost and gained significant amounts of weight repeatedly to tell you all of that. I even told my psychiatrist and he was ANGRY with me. I was scolded like a child, but I couldn't of cared less. It really is a personal decision.

I don't have an issue with sharing, but I think I'll continue to keep quiet about it. Until and unless I run into someone who is considering WLS themselves and I might be able to offer them insight.

[downsizingdiva 460]

I TOLD NOONE EXCEPT FOR MY FIANCE, AND I AM EVER SO THANKFUL THAT I STUCK TO MY DECISION. I'M A PRIVATE PERSON. YOU MAY NOT BE BUT IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO OTHER'S OPINIONS, COMMENTS, THOUGHTS, OR JUST PEOPLE BEING IN YOUR BUSINESS - I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT NOT NOT TELLING ANYONE EXCEPT FOR THOSE WHO ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO KNOW. JUST MY OPINION.

[downsizingdiva 460]

I WILL ADD, SINCE NOONE KNOWS ABOUT MY SURGERY AND I'VE LOST ABOUT 60 LBS, I AM EVEN UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE GENERAL COMMENTS/DISCUSSION/ATTENTION ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS - EVEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING I HAD SURGERY. SO JUST THINK IT OVER AND THINK IT OVER WELL BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UN-TELL ANYONE AND ONCE YOU TELL IT SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE.

[rosepose 105]

@@downsizingdiva - I agree - if you're a very private person then that is something you get to keep to yourself. Also I hate it when people assess my body when I'm losing weight. In the past it's been a lot of the reason why I've regained the weight. I'm very uncomfortable with it. I decided on the sleeve because I knew that I wasn't going to get over that reaction so I needed to get past that stage without backsliding. It's my own variation of prolonged exposure therapy. I am very private but I also SUCK at prevaricating so I'm generally more straightforward because that makes it easier for me.

Actually I'm trying to be more open about this than I would normally be because for me a lot of what fat is involves hiding myself. I don't want to be wallpaper anymore - I want to be comfortable being myself. So I'm taking off the disguise and (for me!) part of that is being myself and allowing others their reactions and working at not making their reactions about me when mostly it's about them.

That said I 100% support anyone who want's total privacy or any variation therein. This is your body and your medical process so it is 100% your decision who you tell EVER.

[TexasGirl86 37]

Your therapist lectured you?!?

If there wasn't a really solid background for that and even if there was.... How insanely unprofessional!!!!! I'm sure you otherwise have a very good relationship with them or you wouldn't see them but from my point of view that was really not okay. I am not a therapist but I do have a masters in psychology (experimental) and while my focus was on neurology it's not like I was never exposed to the classes the counseling students had to take. From my POV based on that exposure that response was really borderline. Though people really do have a very strong emotional response sometimes. It's why I found I liked telling people in e-mail so they could process the idea before I had to talk to them about it.

Actually - oddly - I had never considered WLS for myself until one of my friends from school brought it up. We were both highly research focused and he had come across some studies about ghrelin production and VGS. The side effect rate with the bypass surgeries had scared me in the past. When I spoke to my PCP about it she was a little taken aback for a moment and without dismissing the idea did offer other alternatives but she also treats my mom who has type 2 diabetes and when I was discussing the health reasons and said I don't want to get diabetes like my mom she said "Neither do I!" and immediately was one of my staunchest supporters.

I love the responses! My parents have sworn me to secrecy, and one of my siblings doesn't know because he's known for being a blabber mouth.

I've mentioned wanting to have WLS done before to close friends and they almost all discouraged it. You can just work out and diet! Been hearing it for years now. Quite easy for people who have maybe an extra 10 pounds on them/never work out themselves/ haven't lost and gained significant amounts of weight repeatedly to tell you all of that. I even told my psychiatrist and he was ANGRY with me. I was scolded like a child, but I couldn't of cared less. It really is a personal decision.

I don't have an issue with sharing, but I think I'll continue to keep quiet about it. Until and unless I run into someone who is considering WLS themselves and I might be able to offer them insight.

Oh yeah, I'm getting a new doctor. It was pretty ridiculous. He's actually my psychiatrist, but my therapist is the one who actually got me to seriously consider WLS because she had it a year ago!

And she said she could answer any questions I had, which was such a relief!