I'll be never happy/normal even after WLS/Anyone else feel like this?

[Bandora 136]

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to take it day by day. If you focus on a weight loss goal so far away it can seem overwhelming. Each day is one step closer to a healthier you. With that new found health you will physically feel better which can make you feel mentally healthy. Problems don't magically disappear with the weight loss, but you have to focus on your baby steps. Your mini- goals( exercise, smaller clothes, losing the meds....) are just as important along the way.

Therapy was not for me...I am very aware why I gained in the first place, but the right therapist can work wonders for some. Take care of yourself and the best of luck to you!

[VDB 800]

I think at the core of this thread is the desire in all of us for "it all to be better" -- such a drastic step as WLS seems to deserve a huge outcome in every area of our lives. I appreciated all of the statements by the bariatric clinic team which helped set expectations that "no, it won't all be better unless you work on it".

I spent my time with a therapist prior to surgery, which helped set my expectations. He really helped me get going in the right direction, and I think it has gone well. I am delighted to have lost 60+ pounds post surgery, but I still can get grumpy, my wife still irritates me at times, and the adult kids may still want to borrow some money!

I am a retired shrink, and I think it is important to understand how vital it is to find the right therapist. In your search, check with other bariaric patients for references -- the right therapist must know their way around the fat world. One patient may love their therapist, but that person may not be right for you. I personally ascribe to the world of cognitive behavioral therapy -- I want a therapist who will give one tools for dealing with the behaviors which if not addressed will get us fat again after the weight is gone. Standard talk therapy, where you spill your guts out to a nodding therapist who repeats back what we have said, is simply ineffective therapy...in fact, I want a therapist who challenges, who gets in my face about my stuff, and who gives help in the form of adaptive tools.

I feel like even with 125 pounds to go to goal, I am on the right track to lose this rest of the fat suit, but more important, never get it back. I am continually working on the other areas of my life. I deserve to be an even happier person.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

This statement reasonated with me. And, if it makes anyone feel better - we are in good company, a whole lot of people out there "struggle". We have just chosen to wear our struggles as fat suits (well, that is only partially true as there is surely a physical component of obesity that cannot be underestimated!) so it is highly visible.

I have shared before, part of my journey is learning to accept that is "okay" to not always be happy, content and at peace. Sometimes you have to FEEL things for the wounds to heal.

I think at the core of this thread is the desire in all of us for "it all to be better" -- such a drastic step as WLS seems to deserve a huge outcome in every area of our lives. I appreciated all of the statements by the bariatric clinic team which helped set expectations that "no, it won't all be better unless you work on it".

[PdxMan 4,292]

I would go to my GP and ask for a referral for counselling but for some strange reason most of the interventions they offer are CBT based where they focus on solving one major issue . I have had CBT before and don't feel it makes a difference. I would like a psychological based intervention where i could talk in depth about my feelings, past and concerns but therapies like that are normally private therapies and i simply don't have the money to afford it.

I agree about the CBT not addressing the root issues which I needed to get at. I started with CBT and switched over to a therapist who would do more explorative work. She is covered by my insurance and it has been great. You may just have to do a little more searching to find what you need. Just because you start with someone doesn't mean you have to stay with them. Tell the therapist what you are looking for during your phone consultation with them. If CBT is what they do, thank them for their time and ask them to suggest someone who might be able to meet your needs.

It has been such an amazing world of discovery for me to see how my life experiences have led me to some of my behaviors and stinkin' thinkin. CBT was too focused on one thing and one behavior. I was aware of the one behavior and consequences, but I wasn't able to see the bigger picture.

Don't give up and don't be afraid to peel the next layer of the onion.