Everyone is Against This

[VonJuke 4]

Good Afternoon,

This is now my third post on this forum. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to help me and offer insight into their experiences.

I attended my seminar on Monday and am going to set something up with the Bariatric Center in my hometown.

Unfortunately, my husband HATES this idea. He has loved me at every size but he has been pin thin his entire life. He says he has faith that I can lose on my own. If I can't lose on my own, how could I keep it off post op, why do I want to do something so dangerous.

I tell him my side but it's the same old story.

My mother is a nurse and condems these procedures as dangerous and only something people do if they are not well informed of the HORRIBLE side effects.

My BFF is the only one who supports me in this right now.

If I do this I will have to keep it a secret from my mother and father. I don't want to deal with her attempting to control me.

But I would also be doing so at the expense of my husband's peace of mind.

So conflicted. Advice? Personal experiences?

Thanks

Edited March 18, 2015 by VonJuke

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Did you husband attend the seminars with you? Honestly, would you be considering surgery of you could have done this on your own? You will keep it off because the surgical changes make it nearly impossible to over eat. You lose because you have to relearn how to eat an nourish your body. The jumpstart from this surgery is far different than any diet will ever be. I honestly did not care what anyone thought. I as doing this for me. It's a serious surgery and comes with the same risk most surgeries come with, but it's a fairly routine procedure. I had an easier time recovering from this than when I had my hysterectomy 10 years ago and when I had my meniscus repair. Take your husband to the appointments. If there are support groups in your area, encourage him to attend with you.

Now there's a chance that your husband may never be okay with this. The question then becomes if you can do this knowing he's not comfortable with it. That's a decision you have to make for yourself.

[blondebomb 580]

I feel for you. my hubs goes with me on majority of dr visits period simply bc I have soo many health issues and he was with me when 2 of my specialist sent me to the surgeon. both these dr's ironically talked to me about the sleeve would be best for me the same week and neither of them know each other. they each explained the risk and the benefits and with the health issues I have the weight was just going to continue to go up. I had been 30 some yrs yoyo dieting nothing was helping. I'd lose 30 to 40 end up gaining 50 to 60! up and down all thru my life. the benefits outweigh the risks! I refused to end up 300 pds and stuck on the recliner not having a life. the way it was I was approaching 275. I had had enuff! hashi's was destroying my life. type 2 and insulin resistant and the list goes on. I kept this private from extended family including my parents. my hubs and a few BFF's is all I told I was not going to hear every bodys negative opinions on something that I personally had to do for me and my health. has your spouse went to any appointments with you? I even took my hubs with me thru all the preop classes. he was involved as well. I hope you can work thru this and sometimes a person has to do whats best for them regardless of what other members think and want. keep us posted dear...I didn't read the comments I'm sure you'll get more support! hang in there! I am soo glad I went thru this for ME. I am 8 months postop and over 100 down and its amazing..best thing I ever did for myself!

[IcanMakeit 1,319]

You are considering this for yourself, not your family. Let them know that their opinions matter, but they are not the deciders, you are. You are the one who will live with the consequences of your decision. As you probably have read over and over again on this site and have heard from others who have had the surgery: very few people who have the surgery regret it (after the first few weeks -- almost everybody regrets it for at least a few days because of the initial discomfort).

I agree with the posters above. Take your husband with you to your pre-op appointments and to the pre-surgical seminars. He is probably very frightened about the possible complications. The best cure for that is education. When he learns the actual statistics, he may relax quite a lot. But in the end, this is your decision, not his and not your parents'.

Good luck no matter what you decide.

[newrose2427 30]

I totally agree with the previous posts. You have to do this for YOU! If you don't do something now, you will probably looking at being sicker, bigger, and even worse,, you could die! This is your decision, you have to do this for you.

I was super lucky and my husband went to every single appointment I had, all the specialist, all the classes. HOWEVER, in the beginning he was just like your husband. He said I could do it with out this, that I have to "really dedicate" myself and " stick to it ". He has no idea how hard it is to lose weight, him being thin his whole life! But after each class, and a couple visits to counselors, he did a complete 360! Now he is my number 1 supporter!

As for your parents, I don't think not telling them is the route I would choose. You are all adults and just tell them, that you love them, and your doing this so that they can have a healthy daughter around for a few more decades! And that if they don't agree, they have the right to have their opinion, and you don't want to hear any negative remarks. That you need to surrounded by love and support, and it will be their choice not to talk to you over a petty issue. And let them know you will be there for them when they were ready!

When I made this decision, I really didn't care what anyone else thought honestly. I knew I had to do it for me, i was already 300+ pounds, they weren't in my shoes. I'm just lucky that everyone in my life supported me.

I'm happy for you, and wish you the best of luck! Keep us posted!

[VonJuke 4]

Thanks everyone. He did attend the seminar with me but was very quiet and passive. I asked A MILLION questions.

As we were talking today he said,"I know you'll do whatever you feel is best. "

I responded,"Why would you ever think that? I always do what everyone else wants me to do. "

That was a very telling revelation. I don't do a lot of things I would prefer to do because I let other people influence my choices. Maybe it's time to think about that more closely. Maybe it's time to do this for me.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Good for you, vonjuke!

Good for you!

[LauraVSGinNZ 10]

This is certainly a predicament to be in.

I am in my very early stages of research and appointments and hope to have the surgery in August 2015.

I too was very concerned about the opinions of my loved ones who are my support network. Before I informed them of my decision, I ensured I could give them all of the answers to the questions they were bound to have. Including the emotional ones.

At the end of the day I figured that my closing argument would be that I am going to go thru with the Surgery with or without their support, however if i had their support I would have far less stress which would make everything much smoother in terms of recovery and looking forward.

As it turned out when i did approach them, they were thrilled for me and happy for the decision I have made to change my future for the better.

Feel confident and trust your own instincts. Your partner will get over it and at the end of the day should be happy for you when you find your happiness with the results you are bound to achieve.