Introducing myself as I begin my journey

[lauraellen80 855]

Hello. I've been lurking on the boards here for a couple months, but I finally registered and decided it was time to dive in.

About me... I'm 34, female, married with dogs but no kids yet. I live about an hour outside of Philadelphia. I'm 5'2" and about 235 lbs.

I was a little chubby from about the age of 8, then I kept myself at a "normal" weight through high school as a ballet dancer in a fairly high-pressure pre-professional dance company. When I went to college, I gained the "Freshman 15" and fluctuated up and down and up again through graduation. In the years after college, I would gain weight, lose 10, 20, maybe 30 pounds (most successfully with Weight Watchers), then gain it back plus some. In the last couple of years, I've had weight-related health problems--most significantly, chronic lower back and hip pain--that have really affected my ability to be active and do things I enjoy. The less active I was, the more I ate, and the more I gained. I knew I was on a bad path, but honestly had started to feel like it was inevitable.

Then just after Thanksgiving last year, my aunt died suddenly. The medical examiner concluded it was from complications of diabetes. She had been super morbidly obese for as long as I can remember. But she was only 53. I went home to visit my parents over New Year's, and my mom expressed concern for my health. She tentatively brought up the idea of WLS, and I immediately got defensive and shut her down. On the flight home, though, I ended up on a smaller plane and found that I couldn't put the tray table all the way down. I spent the rest of the trip doing a lot of soul-searching.

When I got home, I started doing research and reading up on the various types of weight-loss surgery. I attended an informational session at Einstein Medical Center and began the process. I've gone through the initial consult with the surgeon, and I've had a session with the nutritionist and one with the psychologist.

I am feeling down since those appointments, though... they both want to see me again in a month and didn't immediately clear me for surgery, and I feel like a failure. I knew that I'd need support from a therapist through the whole thing, as I've dealt with depression for many years. And of course if I'm considering weight-loss surgery, I must not have the greatest eating habits. But I guess I didn't expect to "fail" my evaluations. I was worried about the psych eval but everything I'd read made it sound like it wouldn't be a big deal. Has anyone else had this happen?

[Blue Sky 89]

I wouldn't worry about it. It's a process designed to prepare you for this life changing event. I'm sure the professionals you saw want to ensure you are indeed ready for wls. Just go thru the process knowing it's for the best and you will get where u want to be!

[Luvin_Life125 558]

You didn't fail anything! It is great your bariatric medical team is so vested in helping you make the changes necessary to be successful post op. They are working with you so the process is beneficial and so that you have a better chance of long term success.

I know when you are waiting for surgery and going through all of the pre surgery requirements time drags forever and it feels like a waste of time. I felt the same way and was very annoyed. It made a huge difference in my ability to succeed so far. I am also contemplating starting to see a psych doc regularly to work through things that interfere with my mental health. I want this to be successful long term and I need to be right mentally and emotionally to help be as successful as I can.

Work with your team to ensure your long term success. Hang in there and you will be on the losers bench before you know it!

Edited March 10, 2015 by Luvin_Life125

[lauraellen80 855]

An update--

My second appointment with the dietitian went well. She had me start using the My Fitness Pal app again, and I lost about 10 pounds in the month between appointments. (Then I got cocky and started "saying goodbye" to foods... now I'm back on track)

After seeing the psychologist again, she talked with the therapist I'd started seeing on a weekly basis and decided to clear me for surgery. I plan to continue therapy for as long as it takes to get my head in a good place--and I will probably keep going occasionally after that to keep myself in check. I'm really happy with the therapist I'm working with--I've been to others, and I never felt like they got to the root of my problems like she has been able to do. I have some really deep-seated issues with perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, being hyper-critical of myself--things that have ironically lead to, among other problems, my obesity.

Anyway, I got through all the other testing--bloodwork, EKG, chest x-ray--and got just insurance approval today. My surgery date is June 15th! Really excited but also starting to freak out!

Edited May 22, 2015 by lauraellen80

[CreoleVSGGirl 13]

I'm just about as far into my process as you were when you posted this. We're even the same height and weight! I have my 1st psych eval on May 29th. My insurance doesn't require a whole bunch of things but the facility that I'm required to have to surgery at does. The hospital I work at is also the location that I'm required to have it done at ???? and I'm not happy about that. I just don't want my whole department in my business. Anyway...they told me upfront that I'd have a bunch of appts, several dietician appts, a psych test and the eval with the dr. I'm just trying to concentrate on following the diet that I was given. I have to lose 10-20 lbs before. It's HARD! Like you said...obviously we don't have the best eating habits. You're not a failure! You're taking steps towards being a better you!

ETA: I didn't see your last comment. Congrats on being cleared for surgery!

Edited May 23, 2015 by CreoleVSGGirl