Scared husband

[heav85 123]

My husband is afraid that I will change and stop loving him when I lose weight. Idk what to tell him to make him believe that I'm never going to stop loving him. He said he's going to miss my chunkyness and that he feel in love with me heavy and married me heavy. Said he's also afraid ill meet a rich good looking guy and leave him. but he wants me to do this for me because I want it so badly. I want to be healthy and be able to go into a store and buy clothes. We will.be able to get out and enjoy our lives together and have better sex. Lol

[kristylea93x 128]

Hey!

I just had my SLEVE done, 3 day post op now- before having it done my fiancé and myself talked a lot about it- my phyc had asked me if my partner asked if I would leave once I was skinny- apparently it's a normal reaction- as they think that's why your doing it- just express that it is a normal reaction - and going through the life style change together will only bring you closer x

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

@@heav85

My husband told me it feels threatening to have you're partner go though a physical transformation. It does make him insecure and question's if he is enough. i understand and I'm doing what I can to make him feel better about the situation.

BUT....It still bothers me that there is so much importance put on you're appearance when you are thin. Is it me or is it insulting that significant other's think now that we are smaller we might have an affair. I guess larger people never have affair's? (WTF) It's only weight loss. I still have the same love for my husband. I'm just in a smaller package.

[heav85 123]

@@jenn1

I know what u mean. He said he fell in love with me heavy why wouldn't someone else do the same? Idk but men sometimes. I just keep telling him I waited on him I'm not going to give him up. I love him.

[uni2424 48]

My husband's fear is the risk. After the EGD the nurse told him he was just insecure about me losing weight. His reply was "are you trying to insinuate that no one else would want her the way she is but me?" Scored some points with me, I am not going anywhere but I have to feel better about the way I look for me!! The insecurity will pass with your guys once they see a happy, secure and more attentive partner!!

[Stephanie Salsera Perrott 85]

My husband is afraid that I will change and stop loving him when I lose weight. Idk what to tell him to make him believe that I'm never going to stop loving him. He said he's going to miss my chunkyness and that he feel in love with me heavy and married me heavy. Said he's also afraid ill meet a rich good looking guy and leave him. but he wants me to do this for me because I want it so badly. I want to be healthy and be able to go into a store and buy clothes. We will.be able to get out and enjoy our lives together and have better sex. Lol

Your "chunkyness" is not who you are. Who you are goes a lot deeper than that. You can look at this a million ways i.e. he's insecure, he married someone cause it was comfortable etc... but the truth of matter is you are who you are and whether the outside improves or deteriorates over time real love is powerful enough to overcome such superficial things. I'm glad he's being honest with his feelings but doesn't mean you should enable him. I would suggest instead of him wanting it because you want it so much how about supporting and trusting you. Good luck.

Edited February 16, 2015 by Stephanie Salsera Perrott

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

@@heav85 - My son was 288 lbs and only 5' 7" when my daughter-in-law married him. She is tiny at around 120-125. He had his sleeve 3 years ago and is now holding at 180. They are more in love than ever...they can now do more things together; ride bikes, walk, etc...They are extremely happy. I'm not saying that everyone is like this. It sounds like your husband has some insecurity issues...trust, jealousy. Good luck.

Edited February 17, 2015 by kellsbells

[heav85 123]

@@heav85 - My son was 288 lbs and only 5' 7" when my daughter-in-law married him. She is tiny at around 120-125. He had his sleeve 3 years ago and is now holding at 180. They are more in love than ever...they can now do more things together; ride bikes, walk, etc...They are extremely happy. I'm not saying that everyone is like this. It sounds like your husband has some insecurity issues...trust, jealousy. Good luck.

He does have some issues like that. He was married before and she cheated so he had problems with that. But I can't wait to be more active with him and our daughter. She's 2 and it's great age to do lots of things. I'm excited.

[heav85 123]

I told him I was excited for this summer because of some weight lose. He said he's afraid I won't lose as much as I hope and be disappointed. My surgery is sometime in March. in three months what is the average weight loss

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

@@heav85 - I'm excited for you...all of us!!! This is a great time for you to do this, with a 2 year old. It will be fun for your whole family! Hopefully, your husband will get over his insecurities and move on to a better life with his little family! I get what he's been through, but like I said, trust issues!! He married you for a reason. He needs to remember that! Good luck to you and your family!!!

Edited February 23, 2015 by kellsbells

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

I'm just assuming here, but I think you and your significant others might be quite a bit younger than I am. This is probably the difference between us. I've been married to my husband for almost 40 years. He's been with me through thick and thin...literally!!! I am a revised lap-band, so we've been through all the highs and lows, so to speak. Even when I was at my biggest, 220+, and depressed and refused to go out in public, all he would do was beg me to go out. He never once said a word when I was big and was tickled pink when I was small. No jealousy, no mistrust!!! I feel for you guys! Hopefully, as time goes on, things will get better for you. It's hard enough to go through all the changes your body is going through right now without added pressure from the person you love most! Good luck to you all and just keep reminding yourself that this is the best thing for YOU!!!

[Cococat 119]

Spouses and "significant others" sometimes feel insecure about ANY change. Look at it this way - he felt close enough to you to reveal his insecurities. That shows he is mature enough to know his own insecurities and sure enough about your love to share that with you. Reassure him as much as you can, but only going through the experience of having you thinner and your not leaving him, will (might) make him feel secure in your love. Of course ... he MIGHT try to sabotage (unconsciously or consciously) your diet and life change, with temptations he just happens to pick up from the bakery or 7-11 as he was driving home. We don't talk very much about unconscious sabotage, but it is a reality, especially in a home where food means love. But, chin up, things have a way of working out.

[AquariusDiva 15]

I am lucky that DH is also planning to have the surgery (gastric bypass). So the goal is for both if us to be thinner and more active. But I think it is great that your DH is talking to you about his fears. It sounds like part of it stems from his previous experience .... The best thing is to keep the lines open so that you can address his concerns. Not validating his fear ... But seething for you to talk through. I do think that WLS is not just about you, but also does closest to you .

[randoval 21]

I am going to comment from a man's point of view. This can go for both men and women. We all can be insecure. I think what it comes down to is that once all that weight comes off all sorts of compliments will come with it. With compliments comes confidence. Being thinner and confident will attract other men or women. Yes people can and will love us at our current weight, but let's not bulls*&t here, we all know damn well if we were thinner and more confident more men/women would hit on us or be more attracted to us. That's is true fact. Regardless if you are married or not, you ALWAYS want to feel attractive. We all like that little glance from across the room or that smile from someone you pass by. Even if you are married and would never act on it, you like it. Regardless if this pisses us off, your other half knows that is around the corner and he is scared some stud might come swoop you off your feet. You say that will never happen, but you do not know because, again, majority of us never experienced it being a lighter more confident person. I guarantee there are plenty of men or women who left their husband or wife after WLS for these exact reasons. He has a legit reason to feel a bit insecure. Now, I have never dated a woman that went through wls or needed it but I have dated women that have been hit on when we go out and I can honestly say that it personally does not bother me. I take it as a complement and I feel confident enough to know she is mine and is coming home with me. When the day comes when I'm wrong, eh I'll deal with it then. I guess what I am trying to say is that its okay for him to feel that way at first. If that insecurity does not go away, well that is another story and the dude needs help. Just be patient with him. I'm sure he has been patient with you during your emotional battles with weight. We all put our wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend through some crap regarding our weight.

[heav85 123]

Thank you so much for all that. I will keep it all in mind. And it's true I'm not really used to getting hit on. Some people just do t care if some one is out with somebody else they will still hit on them lol. Kinda sad. He'll probably end up being g jealous but we will get I er that too.