I feel unsupported... Can I do this by myself?

[noorjenna 3]

Hi... I never wrote in forums , I am more of a reader( and I have enjoyed and learned through reading a lot of the topics offered through this forum)... But something happened yesterday that kind of shook me.

First a little about me: I have my sleeve operation due on the 15th of February , I am a mother of 2 (a 2 and a half year old and a 1 year old - just got a full time nanny for them 2 months ago) - I currently weigh 249 pounds and I am about 5'5"...

Yesterday I went out with my husband and he said he doesn't support my decision of doing this operation (even though we have been talking about this for the past few months - he has always said that he prefers that I didn't do it and it was ultimately up to me) and that he will not be part of my support system (as he puts it : if I'm going to do this to myself, I better be prepared to go through the consequences on my own) that freaked me out ... I am actually crying while I'm writing this... Didn't cry in front of him though...

My question is : can I do this on my own? Is the pain after the operation unbearable that I need help after the 4 day stay in the hospital?

I appreciate real answers - it's ok I'm a big girl I can handle it.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I am so sorry your husband is behaving like he is. I truly hope that he will have a change of heart and treat you the way you deserve to be treated by those who love you.

Putting that aside -- I believe you can care for yourself after your surgery, barring some sort of major complication. I am single and live alone. I went home two days after surgery (my doctor's protocol) and didn't even have anyone else set foot in the house for over a week, and I was absolutely fine, no problems whatsoever. You will need to be able to take it easy and rest, so it's good that you have a full-time nanny! You may not be able to lift your children for a few weeks after surgery, so if you need to do that, you may want to start working out alternatives for when your husband isn't around to care for them -- feed them on a blanket on the floor rather than lifting them into a high chair, lower the crib to its lowest level and allow them to climb in rather than lifting, teaching them to sit next to you on the couch and (carefully!) climb on to your lap for cuddles rather than be lifted up for hugs -- basically any time you lift them, think of some alternative maneuver.

Good luck to you!

[Babbs 14,680]

I'm sorry your hubby feels that way. I think he may come around once he starts seeing you losing weight and feeling better. If you can use your nanny during recovery, use her for the lifting if your kids, laundry, etc...the heavy lifting was the only thing I needed help with. Otherwise I did a lot of stuff on my own. They encourage you to walk and stuff for healing, anyway, so some light stuff shouldn't hurt. Good luck with your surgery, and I really hope your husband comes around to support you. Please make sure you're finding support somewhere!

[Sassafrassa 33]

He may just be scared... either way that was a horrible thing to say to you. You can DEFINITELY do this with or without him supporting your decision. At the end of the day its your body and you have to live in it ... and the entire process is scary so trust in your decision and yourself.

good luck!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

What a jackass!

[samuelsmom 670]

I'm sorry this happened to you. The sleeve surgery recovery was not bad at all and you can certainly do this!

[finediva 979]

Based on the age of your children, I'm at least 15yrs older than you. No one knows of my surgery. I was alone in the hospital and came home the following day. I did careful prep for supplies before surgery and recovered at home by myself. Of course I didn't have infants and toddlers to care for. I'm not going to address the non supportive spouse issue. I will say that baring any complications, it is possible to care for yourself after this procedure.

[noorjenna 3]

Thank you so much for your answers- they meant a lot . I am currently doing my homework and I want to buy all my supplies (vitamins and Protein etc) this week to be prepared and having everything for the first 2 to 3 weeks ready at home so I don't bother anything with errands... Does anybody have a list like that that I can double check with mine ?

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@noorjenna

Here is my two cents for what ever it's worth.

People won't always be there, people will disappoint you at some point or the other, no matter how much love you share with them, it's just human nature... so it is TOTALLY up to you to dig deep into your heart and figure out what makes you happy, figure out your own "joy button"

He has put the ball in you're court. The decision is ultimately up to you.

It would be Ideal to have his support. Wish he could put you're happiness in front of his own. Supportive people can be from areas in life other than a spouse. Friends, family, co workers, local bariatric support groups , your surgical staff and bariatricpal.

"You better be prepared to go through the consequences on you're own" The consequences are Freaking Amazing! He is going to miss out on positive life changing events. Can you do this? Hell yeah! Follow you're dream. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it. Believe it's possible for you.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@VSGAnn2014

Well said!

[AvaFern 3,516]

When I had my surgery, no one knew I had it done. I drove myself home from the hospital, I took care of myself completely after surgery, and I have never had a "support" network so to speak. My three best friends now know I had the surgery, but I didn't rely on them at all for any form of help. I also took care of myself entirely after both of my plastics procedures as well. You are only limited by yourself. You can absolutely do this alone.

On another note, if that was my husband, let's just say no one would be making him dinner, washing his clothes, or making his life any easier for quite some time. A marriage is a partnership and if he is unwilling to be your partner, to hell with him- be your own partner. When you are thin, healthy, and hot...if he still doesn't feel like being the man you deserve, well then you can go get yourself a new one and rid yourself of your husband's little boy bs.

Good luck!

[onmywaytoonederland 236]

Here goes.....If surgery is scary for us, imagine how it is for those that love us. They don't live in our bodies. They truly don't know the physical, mental and emotional pain that we go through every day. They just know that you are choosing major surgery for something that they think we could do if we would "move more and eat less". I am hoping that he is just afraid of losing you and the "tough guy" in him thinks that if he says that, you will change your mind and life will be the same as yesterday. That being said, do you want life to be the same as yesterday? I know I sure as heck didn't. I was afraid to have the surgery, but more afraid NOT to. I am only 2 months out and have lost only 36 pounds, but, I can tell you without a doubt, that this is the best gift I could give to myself - EVER. I feel so much healthier (except I have the flu right now and feel like a rag doll). Every day I feel so much more confident (hubby even said I am getting my "cute little shape" back again (smiling ear to ear). You are going to have second thoughts and maybe you are not ready. Make sure you are up to date on all the info and make a decision based on what will make your life better. We only get one chance to live this life, and I would rather live it healthy and thin than sickly and morbidly obese. Be kind to yourself. Whatever your decision, I wish you well!!

[purrfctangel 239]

@@noorjenna Maybe he feels threatened? Like you will get all sexy and leave him? Regardless this will make you stronger. Approved and waiting for my date, probably first of march. If you want to support friend, I'm happy to help. I'm alone, family doesn't approve, sister is just totally digusted so I get it. Just message me.

[Torilee 6]

Hi noorjenna

I am a week post op today, I am at this stage having Optifast shakes, drinking yogurt, V8 vege juice & jelly. I'm going to start having home made Soup today as well. I was in hospital for 5 days to monitor my hydration which is very important. I wasn't a big ice cube fan but I couldn't get enough of ice chips so maybe have a supply of ice chips or crushed ice ready to go.

I wish you an easy & speedy recovery, any decision you make to improve your quality of life is the right decision :-)

Just know this is a great place for support and we are at your fingertips xxx

[dellagracie 17]

You can do this! I live alone, and came home from the hospital after 2 nights in the hospital. I was able to manage on my own just fine. (I did have a friend carry my garbage out if it was heavy for the first few weeks, etc)

Here's a list of foods I had on hand for the first 2 weeks. My doctors food plan was: days 1-3 Clear liquids, days 4-7 full liquids, days 7-14 pureed food, etc. Follow exactly what your surgeon suggests, though. Here's what I had and it all worked out fine:

Protein powders - vanilla, chocolate, unflavored

cream based Soups

chicken broth

miso ginger broth

apple juice

fat free plain yogurt

instant grits

cream of wheat Cereal

sugar free popcicles

For pureed foods, I planned ahead and had cooked and frozen some options: pureed green Beans, pureed baked chicken, mashed sweet potatoes, etc.

Good luck to you! I hope you hubby comes around and gets on board. For most of us, the decision to have this surgery will be life changing and life saving! You are doing a positive thing for you and your family!

Keep us posted.