Advice needed. Did you do the emotional work after weight loss surgery?

[My Bariatric Life 764]

When I had my gastric bypass in 2003 there were not the multi-faceted treatment teams that there are today to take patients through the journey. My bariatric surgeon said "I do the surgery. The rest is up to you." I did the physical work but I never did the mental work. I never even knew it was a consideration.

In 2013 I had a series of plastic surgeries to my body and face. And that is when I really felt like a different person. In part, I felt like the person I was when I was thin. But that was so very long ago that I was a "kid" back then and so I could not 100% identify with that "version" of me. And I certainly could not identify with the obese me (before RNY) or the overweight me (after RNY). It was in 2013 and 2014 that I went through a very challenging time, a series of events, that led me to a spiritual journey to find myself. And while that journey is amazing, I feel there is more that I can be doing to grow.

I wrote an article for BariatricPal magazine called True Love in which I discuss learning to unconditionally love myself and others. That is the essence of my growth. I have looked at many of the world religions and many philosophies and they all have one unifying message at the core: they teach us that our purpose here is to love. I also touch upon my spiritual journey in an interview that BariatricPal did with me.

So the purpose of my post is to ask your help. I want to accelerate my growth and I could use some guidance. How is it that you did the mental work after weight loss surgery? How did you find yourself, what makes you happy, what is your life's purpose, what are your values? What tools have you used to grow spiritually and emotionally? What behaviors/habits did you have to stop? What new behaviors/habits did you have to start? Did you do anything to receive the "gift" of Spirit?

Thanks so very much. This is important to me and I appreciate your support.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

This is a thread I want to follow. I'm new to WLS and going through a painful and acrimonious divorce. I struggle with fear every day. So far my tools in the toolbox have been:

Codependents Anonymous

Overeaters Anonymous

A divorce therapist once a month

BariatricPal website

I also have made a determined effort to say "yes" to new experiences and social outings with new friends. This is hard for me but so rewarding.

I feel emotionally overwhelmed at least a few times a day, and that's not an exaggeration. But I turn it over to God each morning and when the feeling comes over me I remember that I turned it over. It helps. I literally have a "God box" where I write a small note each day of the thing(s) that have me fearful, and that I'm giving them to God. Example for today: my daughter who's traveling from Madrid to Portugal. And divorce paperwork that's overwhelming me right now. And I'm attending the wake of a dear friend's mom.

The beauty of going out with new friends is they will give you a fresh perspective. One tells me that as bad as things are now, one day this divorce really will be behind me and life will be good. Meanwhile I'm making huge progress improving my health and self image.

Truly, the divorce is so front and center that my WLS and weight loss feels minor now. But it's not!! It's huge. My body is changing. For the better. My attitude is improving and I value myself more.

My reply was a bit off topic but it's exactly where I am. I am eager to read other people's paths.

Thanks for posting such thoughtful threads.

[My Bariatric Life 764]

@@JustWatchMe I think your pst contributed useful advice, as well there are lots of people going through or will go through or have been through divorce. I am sure it will help them to identify with a fellow patient who struggles. I think divorce is one of the hardest things a person will go through in their lives. Good luck to you.

If you follow the link to the article on True Love, it lists many of the resources I have used to help me grow. Perhaps there is something there that resonates with you.

Also, several people have strongly recommended mediation, getting out in nature, and spiritual growth. A friend recommended the book Sacred Contracts - Awakening Your Divine Potential. And my spiritual guide suggested I look at euro-linguistic programming. It is a process of self hypnosis.

Edited January 30, 2015 by My Bariatric Life

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I write alot of stuff on this very forum...that is my main way of working things out. I have done counseling which is helpful but actually talking to my friends is more helpful.

What I am growing to understand is that I have cycled through alot of emotional phases very quick. 2013-I was a little crazy at times....I did a few things that make me shake my head...

Now alot of my stuff seems mid life single women crisis type thing..Haha. like I want a life partner but I have grown to love my freedom.. I was not raised to "date" casually and so I have a hard time figuring out that aspect of my life. To be blunt, having an intimate physical relationship is very important and I want to be truly in love with him. Trouble is making that all work...

I think I still struggle with feelings over losing decades to obesity. I want a do over!!! how different my life would have been if I could have spent my first 50 years a normal size. Regrets are useless but it sometimes creates a feeling like I need to do everything NOW.

Now I also feel like I want to consider some sort of face work. Likely a filler, not a lift. I find myself hesitating and I think it is because I am not sure the"why" except I sometimes feel old and ugly. I suspect that is more dismorphia than anything so I want to be clear on my purpose.

See I feel better already just typing it up.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Oh another thing I do is listen to inspirational podcasts on my iPod. Examples are Life Changing Stories and Tips of the scale, and 12-step recovery podcasts.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Oh, and I rely heavily on nature, my animals and intense physical exercise and people - I am very social. Endorphins, peace and unconditional love come from those three places for me. The people help fill a need I have to feel connected.

Horse back riding triggers endorphins, puts me with friends for hours with no internet and we talk talk talk. It also puts me in nature. There is a favorite trail where I am always wowed by a rock formation - it's spiritual.

My dogs love me no matter. The happiest girl in the world wants nothing more than to snuggle me. It is a wonderful feeling.

I am wild about hard exercise. I stopped doing it for awhile and noticed my inner life started shifting a bit. I LOVE intense group exercise especially..it is endorphin triggering and social!

[nolongerhere 100]

I haven't had weight loss surgery yet, but I have done a lot of personal work to deal with past trauma and very low self esteem. Some of the tools I've used were somatic experiencing therapy with a trained counsellor to deal with trauma. Then after my divorce I did a life vision workshop over a long weekend to figure out where I wanted to go with my life and who I was now after freeing myself from an abusive situation. I also did a week long personal growth program called Come Alive at a local resort a couple years ago. It's an ongoing work in process that I will revisit as needed for the rest of my life. You have to find the tools that work best for you and resonate with where you are now.

[laurenella82 625]

I have not yet had surgery either but the journey thus far has taught me a lot about myself. Despite my issues with the psych doc I chose to do the evaluation, he said a lot that opened my eyes to my habits and tendencies. Knowing more about me has made my prayers different. Having friends and family who are supportive prayer warriors who don't care what I think and will tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear is a huge plus for me on this journey.

I have also been introduced to food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous and though I've only been to one meeting so far, it was an extremely eye opening experience.

I try to live by the serinity prayer and the Lord's prayer. It's funny, I started putting g those prayers together 20 some years ago as a child when u went to support a family member in alcoholics anonymous. I didn't fully understand their power until recently and they are a great comfort for me.

[Mstdst13 23]

I worked with a therapist pre and post op who specialized in food issues and addiction. It really helped me focus on my own journey and also helped me break destructive patterns. There is no one size fits all way on how weight loss surgery will work best. For some moderation works, for some eliminating certain foods or food groups works, some people do better with hard core exercising, some of better with just walking each day and on and on, so for me working with a therapist about my specific issues helped me forge the healthiest path for me.

[Keeper 218]

I only had surgery 3 months ago, so I am very much still on this journey. I used to go to therapy quite a bit and I love my therapist to death, but she doesn't take insurance and I am no longer working so I only go in when I really need to. Also in the past, I had to get my medication figured out in order to live and feel like a "normal" person. I tried so many anti-depressants that didn't work and it wasn't until I got on a mood stabilizer that truly helped me. Almost two years ago I did an intensive outpatient program with an eating disorder clinic to see if it could help me with some of my food issues, but to be honest, I actually feel like it made me obsess more than I already did. All that was pre-surgery.

Post-surgery has been a challenge, some days, so for me I kind of just go back to basics. Figuring out the difference between real hunger and head hunger or if I eating for emotional reasons. I live in my head and that is really hard to break out of. One of the things I have done is start a blog about my experience. Not many people even know it exists, but for me it is a way to express where I am at or what I am going through. Plus it will be a neat journal to look back on when I have several months or years under my belt.

Last but not least, if you are a reader, I have some suggestions that you may be interested in. All of these have been recommended by my counselor at various points and have been very helpful to me.

The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee - Christian based. Designed to discover self-worth.

Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw - also Christian based. Helps identify and heal by releasing the known or unknown shame that holds us back from recovery. Especially helpful for anyone who has experienced trauma.

The Artist Way by Julia Cameron - this is a book that talks more of a 'higher power' and is intended to help with spiritual/self healing using an individual's creativity. For example, I am a writer who is forever not allowing myself to write thus blocking myself emotionally and spiritually.

I linked these to Amazon, but that is just so you can read the blurbs about the books. Anyway, just a different set of tools that I use. :-)

[My Bariatric Life 764]

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate the support and tools and resources. I wanted to add that anyone who is trying to let go of something in her past, whatever it is, and stop letting it ruining her future, I highly recommend the Landmark Forum. It is a weekend course and I found it extremely empowering when I did it many years ago. Also in my article, True Love, I list some books and videos that I have used recently to connect with my spirituality and grow.

Peace.