Dating issues... is this normal?

[bikrchk 1,313]

I'll repeat what I heard someone else say... "You gotta go through a lottta duds before you find a stud". I think that is SO true. There is a lot of crazy out there, from Mr. Clingy "I don't wanna be alone" guy to, "lets bang on the first date" guy. Meet the ones you find interesting. Learn from them all. Take none seriously until you're ready. Me? I'm a MASTER at the "first date\first meet". Oh. So. Many. At some point one will "click" and you'll want a second or third date and take it from there. We just need to learn to enjoy the entire ride!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Thanks for reviving this thread from the dead @bikrchk

So, the man I was dating at the time i responded to this is now in my history file of ...one more mistake. Do disappointing. We mutually agreed to end it because we didn't really fall in love. On my side, I found him to be constantly, but subtly critical. I tried to influence it but at some point I realized that I would always feel critized by him - I experienced that on I think our 3rd date (we went dancing and I wasn't doing it right). I should have ended it then, because how a person makes you "feel" is really key. He is also a heavy drinker and it influenced me - I found myself drinking more than I should and gaining a few pounds. He dreamed of being active (talked a good talk) but in reality wasn't physically capable of keeping up with me so it made me sad ... alot of our time together was just sitting on our butts. It made me sad to end it but even sadder to visualize my life with him had we stayed together...

I took a couple months off after that ended and I decided to start up again but a whole new angle about a week ago.

I hit it off with someone on a glass of wine and dinner date last week Friday. Normally, it seems that would follow up with another "going out" type thing but I have come to recognize that is not real world. You don't really get to know a person sitting around talking at happy hour - it is all superficial. This man seemed pretty smitten with me, he is super outdoorsy (more than me even!), he is smart, well spoken, world traveler and normal and I figure... I am 50 now - I have zero reason to waste time with what other people think dating should be... so I invited him to go horseback riding on Saturday! He was shocked, wowed, excited and game to do it! We had a fabulous ride, and he went up about 100 points in my estimation. He is not an expert rider, but he "Gets" animals and my lifestyle and seems to genuinely like it and respect it as my hobby. (He didn't ask the question I always get "aren't horses too expensive?" - I have a policy any dude asks that on a first date and there is no second...haha). We had a late lunch, went for a walk, did a tasting at a local distillery... and watched a movie. During all that, he met a couple of my friends and a few aquaintances. I feel so brave for letting someone new into my world like that, but I am just so tired of thinking I met someone cool only to find that we really aren't compatible once we exit the coffee shop or restaurant. He is being brave by talking about an aspect of his life that is a real issue for many women. This guy is an AVID hunter. It is a lifestyle, a family thing - his mom is in her 70s and still goes after elk and all that! The lifestyle aspect is using all the game and waterfowl and fish as food sources, habitat restoration as volunteer work etc etc.

It is a complete lifestyle (outside of his high tech job) - and one that doesn't exactly match mine. However, as I thought about it, I can totally live with this.I don't want to go hunting, but I like a man with a passion and I like his ethics around this topic so I think we could be compatible. Besides, he won't mind as much me being gone for 8 hours on a horse related adventure if he is busy hunting and cooking it.

I am complex in some ways and perhaps being with someone that has their own, compatible version of "complex" works for me.

Only time will tell, but I am going all in this time - really early on doing activities together that will make compatibly much more clear. And he is doing the same. Talk about exposing yourself, one of our next dates is for me to visit him at work - he is a high ranking guy at a prominent company but he wants me to meet his team since he mentored most of them and is very close to them. Wow... that's brave and tells me that he thinks I am worth the risk - and I feel the same about him.

I promise myself if I am uncomfortable early that I will listen alot closer to my gut and end it sooner. I can't fathom being in a permanent relationship with someone who I felt constantly criticized me (whether he did or not is besides the point, the man I dated last fall made me feel that way).

Yes, dating sucks, but maybe 1 is out there that doesn't suck and it is worth the gamble. In the meantime, I am having a hoot of a time being single, going dancing, hanging with gal pals and driving my own freaking remote control.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Okay, a follow up crazy ass story. When I decided to try again recently I emailed a couple of prospects on a dating site (I keep a hidden profile so I don't have to deal with the nutty guys, or so I thought!). Anyway, one of the guys I emailed and planned to have an initial meet and greet started sending me CRAZY emails. We hadn't even met yet and he accused me of being a player, cheating on him etc. I thought maybe it was a joke, or maybe the message was intended for someone else. Nope. He was "stalking" when I logged onto the dating website. I would respond to messages etc and so was logging in once a day and apparently that was not acceptable to him. THANK GOODNESS his crazy came out before we met. I blocked him but it SHOOK ME UP.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@CowgirlJane ... I like your new dating attitude.

[SuperDave 1,115]

A thought from a guy perspective. I would rather be told you aren't "feeling it" (or whatever) than be strung along for however long while you decide. Don't waste both of our time. If you aren't comfortable with someone, get out.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

If you don't think you feel anything for this guy, you should tell him there is no chemistry. If you think you might be able to become interested in him, then you just have to tell him you're not into texting.

There are a lot of nutcases out there. As soon as someone overwhelms you, it's time to tell him you don't think there's a possibility that you two are a good match.