question for the single and dating

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My life pattern has been to do very little dating and sort of meet someone, immediately be exclusive with them and then spend 15 years with the wrong guy. I did that twice actually.

My counselor advised me to casually date. See different men, don't narrow my focus so quickly. I continue to fail at this. This summer I dated one guy for awhile - didn't work out; then another guy for a few months - didn't work out. Neither one of those relationships became a full physical one and we parted company when the realization that this wasn't gonna work became overwhelming and even I could no longer deny it.

Okay, I am seeing someone now that i met in real life (not online) and it is going really well. We have not had the "exclusive" talk and I am trying to decide if I want to bring it up, and what i will say if he does. At the moment, we are both pretty smitten with each other. In truth, I am NOT dating others but if I take a step back, I realize I probably should be. Here is the deal, we seem quite compatible but due to work/life situations he is quite likely to move out of the area in the near term. If he is "Mr Right" i would have no problem moving to a sunnier climate with him.... but... it will take a long time before I feel committed enough to do that. So, the most likely scenerio is he is gone from my life in 6 months so it seems like good self preservation to not dive in too deep, to date others etc. And yet, i am not. I am not really in angst about this, as i am taking things one day at a time, but am trying to decide if I should make time in my life to casually date others and let the chips fall where they may.

BTW, i finally feel like I have a clue of how to negotiate the dating waters... before I struggled even finding someone I WANTED to have a second date with so I didn't feel like I had alot of options. I think there has been an internal shift in my readiness quite frankly so I am open to meeting someone that could turn into a long term relationship. Those are my comfort zone anyway.

In the meantime, life is really good right now! It feels really good to be seeing someone that I like, he likes me and we just seem to connect well on alot of subjects, activities, lifestyle etc. It feels very comfortable and makes me feel happy.

[Eclectick 129]

You didn't mention how long you had been seeing this gent, although IMO you should be taking this time to get to know one another...the first few months are the "awe" months and sometimes faults cannot be seen...If in fact it has only been a few months..than I don't think bringing up the "talk" is advisable...your asking a man you happen to click with to commit to you or wanting him to tell you where you stand in his life.

I think that taking one day at a time is your best option right now, which is what you are doing...so without sounding crass...don't push the envelope and let it be what it is. Men or should I say MOST men are scared to death of the "talk" and commitment...so if things are going very good right now...why would you want to throw a wrench in the mix where is doesn't belong.

As for dating others, you have to follow your heart...if your a one man woman (like myself)..than stay a one man woman...but that is not your current bo's business what you do on your time when your not with him...if he thinks your dating others than it might give him the sense your not into him. On the other hand...if this cat is really interested in you..he will approach you and ask you to see him exclusively.....but just remember...what your doing behind closed doors without him...what is he doing!!

Just take it day by day..if you want to date someone else..than the "wanting" is there, do it!!

If it's meant to be...it will happen on it's own without the "talk"

[KevLev12282012 25]

Don't take yourself out of the game. That's what I'd call self-defeating. You don't know where it'll go...Live in the moment with very little expectations.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I supposed i should be clear. When I say exclusive, I am really talking about sex. Dating doesn't equal sex, but I would feel safer about stuff if we were monogamous when we get to that. I mean, I worry about safety and "protection" only goes so far so I would rather be exclusive with someone once we jump in that deep. We are a very long ways away from serious committment talk which is why i suspect this will not last given his possible timeline for moving away is faster than my possible timeline for lifetime comittment talk. I sense I am more gunshy of committment than he is, but who really knows, right?

You are all right, in this modern day it really isn't his biz if I date others until we have that agreement. He does not take it for granted and asks me out on dates - but about twice a week which actually leaves me no time for anyone else...haha... and I always say yes cuz we have fun! I have a busy social life that I have actively cultivated - I have friends and peeps who expect me to show up and dance, check out live music, have happy hour, go riding or do whatever it is we do. I WILL NOT drop that social circle I have spent a few years developing because THAT is what I fall back on when I am not "seeing someone."

[hadouni 301]

Ugh, dating... I was seeing someone last spring who I thought was "the one". Well, he was my "one" but turns out I wasn't his.

So I have started to date, or I've started to TRY to date. Went out with one guy, turns out he's from the same social circles as the "one" who got away so that wasn't going anywhere. I had lunch with another yesterday who I sort-of don't think will want to go out again, but who knows.

It's so hard to meet people - to get out of your own social circles to meet new people, especially if you live in a smaller community like I do. I don't have it in me to date multiple people at the same time. I'm a single mom and I work full time so maybe I could deal with seeing two guys at the same time but it would be a challenge to find time.