Is this real? Or am I just overly sensitive about WLS?

[Mrs. Reid 392]

I think my best friend is avoiding me. She had WLS over a decade ago and lost well over 300 pounds with it. She has gained about half of it back (had 2 children since). I think she has started avoiding me. We work in the same place and when we run into each other she is always nice....but....whereas she once talked to me several times a day...she now walks by me and acts like she does not see me. Since I told her I was determined to have the surgery, things have changed. Today she did not make an effort to talk to me once. I tried to make eye contact with her once today and she did not even glance at me though she was standing about 10 feet away. Every time she comes near she does not look at me anymore. Yesterday when we were forced into the same space (due to work) she said "Oh girl, we got to get together and talk. I'll call you." Then she never did. I'm not sure what to think. I was hoping she would be part of the support system I could depend on. I'm not sure what is going on.

[IcanMakeit 1,319]

I think I can guess what's going on with your friend. She probably started isolating herself when her weight regain got out of hand. She is more than likely heart broken and embarrassed that she gained so much weight after the previous success. I also think you deciding to get the surgery is hard for her to deal with because she is so regretful. She is probably also jealous that you now have an opportunity to get it right, while she feels she blew hers.

Perhaps an honest and sympathetic discussion will help her to see that you value her for herself, not her weight loss. Maybe when she sees that you aren't judging her, she'll stop shutting you out.

[TheCurvyJones 721]

Yep, she's probably worried that you're going to have surgery and surpassed her. And now the heat is on. Often, the hard part about losing weight among friends is that it's hard for your "heavy" friends to see you doing what they know they should be doing. Long story short, it's not you it's her.

[built2livenotexist 119]

I probably would give my long time friend the benefit of the doubt and not jump straight to the j word. I have had friends and family members lose weight through various methods and that's all they talked about; what they could and couldn't eat and on and on. I never felt left out or as if I should be on their journey ' doing what I'm supposed to be' but I did think to myself sometimes "Are we ever going to be done talking about you?"

You said this lady was your best friend and that she'd had a pretty significant regain. She could be embarrassed or angry with herself which has nothing to do with you. Or she could be having a hard time around something completely separate, unrelated to WLS and you're just projecting. Or maybe she is just jealous that you get to have the surgery and she wasted her chance.

That last one sounded a little witchy, right? Right. You never know what someone else is going through on the inside but jumping to the conclusion that it's about you isn't very friendly; it's kinda selfish actually.

It doesn't sound like she's able to be supportive about your surgery right now and in friendships that does happen sometimes. My BFF lost her father this year after a long illness and is not the same person she was before. She's grief stricken and she's busy being there for her mother, her siblings and her children; not a whole lot leftover. Under different circumstances, she'd be right by my side. But this time around, we're both going through a major life change at the same time. And it's okay with me for my bf to be consumed by something else while I'm focused on something else entirely different. It's like that sometimes; we're not always on the same page. I hope you find someone close to you that can be the support you need and that you're able to talk to your friend about your concerns.

[4LgrLife_53 82]

I agree with the others that your long-time friend has some issues. Extra children (you said she had two more since WLS) put extra demands on you mentally and physically, as well as financial problems that come with extra costs related to additional family members in the household. Sometimes people aren't in tune with the extra costs that come with having a big family. My daughter has five children, and it wasn't until recently it hit her and her husband that rising costs of rent, insurance, daycare, clothing, and school enrollment fees were going to be as high cost as they are. School pictures alone cost her over $200 (my grandchildren range in age from 13-2).

Just saying so you might want to take a step back and offer some friendly advice or a shoulder to your friend. She is probably dealing with guilt or shame with having packed some of her weight back on, but has personal issues to deal with too.

I don't know where your friend had her WLS or what type, but I've heard with some types there are revisional surgeries (like the gastric band to the gastric sleeve, etc.), and she might want to visit with her old nutritionist or psychologist to help her get her weight back down to where she wants it.

Try to be supportive of her, as you would hope she would be supportive of you, and maybe things will turn around. It's worth a try as a co-worker and a long-term friend.

[time for june 195]

That's a sad situation. However, your doing this for YOU and you need to put yourself first. I understand friendships and support is very important so put yourself out there with her. Have a heart to heart tell her you need to do this for you but you would love the support and advise of your friend. Offer to be gym buddies so you have that girlfriend time away from the office back. If she doesn't seem open or unfortunately care then again put yourself first and move on you can do this!!! And a true friend will come around in time.

[belovedwar 5]

I'm sure it's a combination of things, her own personal issues at home. She probably really wants to be supportive but feels awkward about her own weight gain. I think you need to have a heart to heart so it doesn't have more of an affect on your friendship. I had to tell someone, if you can't be supportive then just keep your mouth shut, she may be doing that(?)