Sex after plastics - do u tell or not?

[Smwtwins 29]

I had a tt and breast lift 3 months ago. I have a new boyfriend and we will likely be intimate very soon. I still wear tape over my tt scars. I have no problem taking the tape off. I just can't decide if I tell him I've had plastics or not. My scars are obviously still very fresh so it's not like one won't see or in some cases feel them. Need your advice...do I tell him or not?

[NewLife4Jen 28]

Hi Smwtwins...

It is just my opinion but if you are close enough to be intimate and he is your boyfriend, then I would recommend telling him. For me, a relationship starts with trust and you build on that together.

Does he know about your sleeve? If you plan on starting to be intimate with him and your scars are not something that can be hidden then I think you should talk to him first. This should not come as a surprise to him....where will that leave you two?

Good luck

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I don't think the question is "should I", but rather "when or how". He's going to know. So you have to decide how you want this to go. Either be up front, or worry about it and decide how to answer the obvious question when it occurs. I'd think up front is easier and better for you both.

[JamieLogical 8,727]

I would tell. I'm 3 years out from plastics and my scars are still very visible when I'm naked. So there really is no keeping it secret unless the sex is in the dark. You want to mentally prepare your partner for seeing a scar that runs all the way around your body!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I believe in telling too. It leads to the weight loss discussion. I prefer to not discuss the sleeve surgery because that was 3 years ago and considerably less relevant but knowing that I lost alot of weight a few years ago actually seems to be something admired. The last man I dated told me it was a positive thing about me, that I had accomplished so much and maintaining. I tend to bring it up early on in dating.. well before intimacy. I had an arm lift so I start there. So far nobody has been freaked out about the scars...out of my small sample. Didn't turn into physical relationship for other reasons.

[AvaFern 3,516]

While I completely agree with the idea that if you're going to be intimate with someone you should be able to talk to them about your scars, I am also of the idea that my scars are my business and if someone is naked next to me wondering about my scars, I'm doing something wrong. I don't plan on telling anyone that I am with that I had surgery and if they see my Tummy Tuck or breast lift scars and ask, I will be honest. If they don't, which is very likely at the start of a new relationship, then it isn't something I plan to bring up. We all have scars...some are just more visible than others. A tactful, classy, polite man will mind his own business and let you bring it up...at least at first, lol, then if it comes up later you can explain after you've wowed him with your bedroom technique!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I love these forums... where else could we talk about issues like this?

I'm new to the dating scene and since I have practically NOTHING to wear that might be date appropriate, I'm going shopping before every date it seems! What a problem to have, right???

[NewLife'sGr8 241]

I'm of the mindset that it's up to each individual/couple to decide where/when to reveal the most intimate aspects of themselves.

Personally, I would have that discussion well before sex. My reasonings are:

-sex is as intimate as you can be with another person, particularly when you want a longterm relationship with that individual. I want relationships grounded in mutual trust, which includes knowing each other's most intimate secrets.

-I would want to share my most personal "secrets" well before sex; i.e.: not just before you go into the bedroom or wherever, because If I didn't discuss the scar at all before sex, I'd be afraid of shocking him, turning him off, or having him lose his erection when seeing it unexpectedly, out of left field, particularly if it's a new scar that wraps around the whole body.

-Typically, when people see other people's scars, it tends to instigate questions and discussions about how, where, why & when you got that big scar. I can see it stopping the "moment" and going into a side-bar on the scar for awhile. I wouldn't want to interrupt our passion the first time we have sex.

-everyone deserves to know if there's something unpalatable about their love-interest, that might be too much for them to live with. It's different for everyone. Some people just can't deal with garish scars, however shallow it might seem. I'm not one of them re: scars. Still, I'd want to be informed & not be shocked unsuspectedly, particularly when I'm knee-deep in the passionate throws of 'our first time' sex. Personally, I'd want to know if my love interest had something unpalatable that I couldn't live with, like a 2" penis. It would really suck thrying to pretend it didn't matter. Sure, it might be shallow, but it's something I couldn't live with long-term.

-I believe everyone has the right to choose who to spend the rest of their lives together, with full disclosure.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

I've posted this before, but it applies here as well.

Okay, here's one guy's perspective... I'd prefer to know beforehand. The surprises hidden under our clothes could "spoil the moment" if they are not expected. Besides, if you're anticipating intimacy, perhaps you can work this into "the talk" you probably want to have anyway. STDs and protection are not comfortable subjects to discuss, but we still need to have the conversation, right? So why not roll this into that already not-so-sexy pre-intimacy convo? If he's still on board, great! And if not, then you may have learned something about him while limiting your vulnerability. I wish you the best of luck -- hopefully he's a keeper!

[Scamp 207]

I think i would have to tell them - Mainly cos I have 162 inches of scars everywhere

But as said above - If you are going as far as to be intimate with someone - Then you must trust them right? If you cannot trust them over a few scars - Then maybe they are not the right person to entrust yourself to?

Personally if anyone does not agree with my scars - Thinks I am vain - Or anything at all - Then to hell with them, they ain't worth sharing my new fantasticness with

LOL

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@Rogofulm Thanks for jumping in with the man's point of view. It is awkward to have some of those pre-intimacy conversations but they are critical and best "before the moment arrives" like the Cialis commercials talk about! lol

I've been having some of those conversations with my new guy and it's funny how some of that goes. Last night I 'revealed' to him I've had WLS not because I felt like it was important to know before being intimate but because the conversation went there -- we were talking about body image and I had told him I had lost a lot of weight this year. He told me he understood and then told me his ex-wife had struggled gaining a lot of weight after their children and that she had WLS. Since the conversation was "there" already, it seemed like the right time to share. Of course, after I told him, he said "I knew already". I asked him how he knew and he said he recognized the diet from the dinners we've had together!

I feel like the closer you get to someone, the better it is to come clean on things as the situation presents itself or before. If I had waited long time to tell him after we had conversations about it, he might wonder why I withheld telling him when there was a prime opportunity to do it.

Besides, he's always asking me why men having been beating down my door because of my "hotness" (his word! ) and it's hard to explain that 4 months ago I was MUCH less "hot!"

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

In the last 15 years, my hubby has had two major surgeries, resulting in a "big zipper" scar down his torso from his breastbone to his belly button.

If I were sleeping with him for the first time, there's no way I wouldn't at some point in the evening ask about his scars.

It wouldn't occur to me that my asking about his scars would be "unclassy."

As someone above said, 162 inches of scars on your torso is guaranteed to prompt questions.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Congrats on making it through "the conversation"! It's always good when the truthful approach is rewarded. And congrats, too, on your new found hotness – that's just fantastic!!!

[Smwtwins 29]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm proud to report we've had the conversation and he's been fantastic about it. In fact he went to the doctor himself today to get a check-up to make sure he's as healthy as he can be. He loves my scars and says they add to the wonderfully sexy person I am. He constantly tells me how tiny I am. Something I never thought I would hear in my lifetime. He's a keeper. All that worrying for nothing. Thanks again!

[B-52 7,113]

From a guys POV, What does it matter??? Could probably be a good thing....

In your words..."Tiny and Sexy" ????

Edited October 7, 2014 by B-52